Hi All, after ten long and hard years battling this disease I finally realized that I need serious help. Iy"h I hope to be clean through shabbos and then sign up for the ninety day chart. I really wanted to start working the steps and I had a quick question. I know you have to jump into the program to get the best results and I intend to I just don't feel like making amends is my biggest problem right now. Is there anything that explains why the change that making amends affects on a person helps free him from addiction? Any input would be great. Ok I hope to see everyone around and I saved today everyone should have the Koach!!

Welcome to GYE. You will find many people here who are struggling too. Open up, don't be afraid to post about yourself, your struggles and of course your progress. There are others who do a better welcome than I do, so I will leave it to them.

As for your question, you are talking about step 9. Why don't you start at step 1. When you get to step 9 then you can see if it makes sense to make amends and to whom. Don't forget that saying sorry to someone that didn't realize that you hurt them is not good for them.

Thanks MBJ. Your right of course. I shouldn't be worried about step 9 if I haven't even approached step one. From here we'll just try to stay clean, one day at a time...

WELCOME sirclean! Most people don't understand the steps right away. Actually, understanding the steps doesn't help at all. Working them is where the magic is. It's a program of "action". To us frum yidden, it's all about "understanding", but in reality, it doesn't help much, or we wouldn't be here.

We've got a boatload of talmidei chachamim here. Welcome aboard!

Welcome!

I've been working the steps on my own, and I did make amends with those I hurt, namely my wife and children.

The rewards of making amends with a spouse should be pretty obvious. Having a mended, healthier relationship goes a long way to not feeling the need to act out.

My children were very appreciative of my honesty in apologizing to them for some of my behaviors, and explaining to them that I had a problem that I have been working on that drove me to act in a hurtful way. I felt humbled, and humility is important to sobriety.

But for me, making amends wasn't critical for sobriety. I was sober over 3 years before I got around to it.

The steps aren't only about staying sober. They are about learning to live.

Much hatzlocha in your new journey,

Alex

Welcome!!!

Are you British? ("sir"clean?)

It's great that you came here!!!!!!!! It's the first step on the right path!!!!

What is your story? what have you been strugglig with? Have you read the dbook yet? what have you tried to do to stop?

As they say around here, don't be a stranger, thebetter we know each other the more we can help each other.

Hatzlacha!!!

Gibbor: Thanks I really got perspective from your words. The bottom line is that I have to jump in and take action; forget the lomdus. I hear that. As ALexEliezer said that it's more about being a better person then sobriety as far as making amends is concerned. And Pidiani I'm not English I just picked out randomly. My story to come I"yh. Have a great Shabbos!