Hi everone!
I'M mareid with 5 children, and I got to view immodist sites starting off by accident and the a couple of times i went on. I think i get out of it qikly but i do strugle with shmras einayim in the street.

I have 2 questions that I'M embarrassed to ask a rov, but it gives me no rest.

1. Boruch Hashem I'M happily married and I have a great relationship with my wife' she dresses very well and in bed we communicate very well.
That being the case I don't understand why is it that when I walk in the street. it is hard for me to look away from well dressed women, or slightly immodest women?

2. I know that the Shulcon Aruch O"C 240 forbids to look at OSO MAKOM or kiss it. but I find it very hard and impossible to keep back.
Can I rely on the Rambam that it is Mutar? How do I start to work my way out of it?

Welcome to the club Tzadikle.

My name is Eli. Make yourself at home.


Did you view "immodest sites" only a few times and your main struggle is in the street trying not to look at women? Or is it something else perhaps

(When you say immodest to you mean pornography?)

As far as why is it hard not to look when you have a good physical relationship with your wife, maybe because you really like the way they look. Or perhaps there is something else...

Which brings us to your next question (which might need to be moved to the ballei battim section). You want to know if a particular BAD WORD REMOVEDah in the rishonim can be relied on even though you are under the impression that we really dont rely on it. Do you see a tzad hashaveh here between your first and second questions?

Eli

Welcome MY!!

I agree with Eli, look at your questions.

I found myself twisting and turning the Torah as well to try and comfort my quest for lust, and make it look innocent. It is a bracha that I realized in "fair" time what I was doing.

Stick around, Keep on Posting!!

P.S. Eli, now it for sure has to be moved to the balai batim's forum, I mean, look at that word that you wrote :oh my:

Thanks everyone for your replies!
OK a little of my history. I’M considered a Chushive Yungerman, about a year after I got married my wife flew over seas for a couple of days and my friend a bochur asked me if he could use my computer a little, I wasn’t really interested what he was doing’ but after a while I looked at his screen and guess what!!
It took me a few days to get out of it and that was it for about a year.
with my wife I wasn’t getting along in Devorim Shbeini Ubeinu VD”L. so as I usually do when I have question I ask Google (as my friend calls it the Urim Vetumim’ Lehvdil ) and I must say the articles on line really helped me understand the difference between male and female and it really helped me build up a very strong relationship with my wife.
But on the way I got not willingly into pornography when I relized after a few weeks were I’M heading I told my wife that I got links not willingly and I asked her to put on a filter.
It was pretty easy for me to get out of it because that is not were my lust is. I cd go on the subway on the train pretty easy in the summer. I had to work hard to turn around, but once it past it was over.
So were is the problem:
When I walk in our Heimshe streets when I pass a Shtikky lady and if the skirt is above the knee Hrei Ze Meshubach, its hard for me to turn around and even after that I’L turn back and study her looks and style.
Even wile on pornography I was looking for videos that started off with a well dressed girl and only later in the game exposed her self. That’s what I found most appealing.
Now to my first question: as I mentioned I’M very satisfied with my marriage in all ways , and I love the way she looks. So what I don’t understand is That w know Ishto Shel Adam Matzilos Oso Min Hachete. so why am I having such a Hard Time?
As im new on this site I didn’t realize that there is a separate place for married men so il skip the second question and leave it for there.

midasyesod wrote:


Maybe chazal meant one cheit and you think they are talking about a different cheit.

(feir ois...)

Or maybe there are limitations to how that works, d'heinu, marriage isn't a magic pill that saves a person from all sexual related chataim.

The proof is the many people that are on this forum that are married.

Sorry, I don't hear the question.
Women are very pleasurable to look at.
Nothing will change that.
Not marriage to a very attractive woman, and not lots of satisfying sex with her.
It's just a taiva that we will always have.

As for the particular style of woman that gets you going, that's just your personal preference. That's what does it for you.

I find the whole shmiras eynayim thing much easier if I avoid the first look. If I detect a woman approaching in the distance, instead of positioning my self for the best possible view like in the bad old days, now I turn away, close my eyes for a few seconds, or even cross the street. It's easier than struggling with the taivos.

Here's another tip: don't look lustfully at your own wife. At least not outside the bedroom. Keep the shmiras eynayim habit at home too. It's difficult to turn these things on and off. Impossible, really.

Welcome!

I thought the rema 240 says that the whole siman is only for special chassidim?!

One of the Gdolei HaPoskim told me that OC 240 is davka for chasidim.

I think that so far the NY subway look of avoiding facial contact works when I am walking in the street and while waiting for a subway or bus.

Thanks for the replies
even thow it svery hard for me to walk in the street it was harder thinking that I'M crazy. from yourreplies it sounds like a reguler strugle wich is a big chizuk for me. i hope his will mae it esier to be Misgaber not harder.

Midasyesod

midasyesod wrote:


I agree, it's one of the biggest helps to see that I am no the only one.

As far as that worry, don't only look at the struggle of those here, take a look at how they are overcoming the struggle.

You can do it too, just stick around, you'll learn a lot about yourself that you never knew!!

Hatzlacha Rabbah!!