mzlapq wrote:
180 days doesn't even seem possible for me.
It's only possible to stay clean for one day. One day at time, that is. That's all we're ever asked to do. Sometimes it's one moment at a time. I like to say "one right decision at a time."
mzlapq wrote:
This urge is so overwhelming that it doesn't seem manageable.
Sounds a lot like the first classic step of recovery:
"1. We admitted that we were powerless over lust -- that our lives had become unmanageable." (
www.sa.org/steps.php)
mzlapq wrote:
Hope to get a lot of help from you and others from this site.
Thanks!
The most important "other" on this site is Hashem. He's right here with us. That's a lot like the second step of recovery from addiction:
"2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
What's my point?
A few things.
When we realize we are powerless over something, our only choice is to avoid it entirely. This would mean staying far from the computer when you are alone. It means not looking at women entirely, not just pics on the net. It means guarding our minds from fantasies, INCLUDING the fantasy that we have the luxury of looking at porn on the computer. The fact is, we don't have that luxury. We have given up our ability, our right to lust. When we start lusting we're finished.
We are addicted to lust. Not masturbation. That's just the release valve. For us to be sober, to be off our drug, we must stop lusting entirely.
It's actually easier than sneaking hits here and there and feeding this monster inside of us. Our only hope is to starve him. That's our hishtadlus. The rest we turn over to Hashem, asking Him constantly to help, verbally surrendering our lust, our option to lust, over to Him, asking him to take our lust for now so we can live.
Another thing. This addiction thrives on isolation. So get out and do normal things with friends. Friendships are very important.
Hatzlocha and welcome!
Alex
Warning: Spoiler!
