a bit more on the topic of writing...

One theme I constantly wrote about was INFLUENCE. The influence of television and advertisements, of heroes and first impressions, of society at large and friends in particular. Each one of these qualified for an essay. Similarly, the power of the YH was a common topic I dwelt on.
These essays reflected my struggle which raged deep below the surface.

Here is an excerpt from one notebook, circa 1984:
The power of the Yetzer is constantly lurking in ambush. “Sin crouches at the door” (Breishis 4:7) (always there) to minimize, distort, blind our vision and cover our heart. It has the ability to influence our wants and desires – which determines our actions – and take control of the reins of the limbs to do its will. We can be like clay in the hands of the potter, with our true freedom shackled in its power of evil and darkness.
Realize its power. Tear away the curtain of darkness with the light of the soul engaged in Torah or mitzvos. And when you feel an elation of the soul, make use of it.
Don’t let it grip you in its arms. Beware of his tricks which are so easily used against us – study and combat them.

As I pore over yellowing pages and decipher my ancient hieroglyphics, I can see how the struggle between good and evil was being played out in real life. How often did I feel helpless, gripped in the arms of the YH, bidden to do HIS will? Anyone who logs on to GYE will concur. We all struggle with what we know logically to be true – and feel helpless when fighting the YH head on. As Rabbi Twersky writes (GYE Handbook page 53): The core problem is the inability to restrain one’s self from doing something that one knows he should not be doing but appears powerless to control it.

How did I internalize the knowledge of right and wrong when faced with an overload of desire? The answer is - I worked on internalizing it when NOT being faced with desire.
As a young bachur in yeshiva, I was out of harm's way for most of the week. The schedule of the yeshiva was rigorous, the atmosphere - charged with spiritual progress. Objectionable material just didn't exist (for most of my stay) in yeshiva.
Being an in-towner though meant that I was home on a weekly basis, and that was where I had difficulty.

(to be continued...)

Hey..that last paragraph is really what yankel/pidaini wrote about in his post today on his thread yaakov's ladder...workin on yourself on da good days to give strength th da rotten ones

Thanks