Hi I have just joined.
I started masturbating when I was a bochur. briefly stopped when I got married and then started again, very often with watching porn. I couldn't take living a lie from my wife so I went to an addiction counsellor while I was learning in Eretz Yisroel who persauded me to tell my wife and then he taught us about describing our feelings to each other and introduced us to the book loving what is by Amanda byren (which btw is a really good book) it helped for about a year. Then a recently moved back to chutz laaretz and started working and unfortunately I started again b"h this time my wife knows and she is really supportive but I am still finding it hard to completely stop.

thank you in advance for any advice

welcome to the forum.

Its good that you have opened up to your wife.

a lot of recovery is about finding the right attitude. Read around the forum, especially Dov quotes, and see what helps.

To be honest, I (and I'm sure others) on the forum sometimes get tired of saying the same thing over again to new people--just look around on the forum, and a lot of what might help has already been said.

good luck! (I hope that was helpful). Ill share a few ikkarim:

define your motivation
Take it one day at a time
filters are essential
figure out what the addiction is covering up (emotional problems, etc). leave no stone unturned--even minor things like perfectionism yield insights.

--Robert

Welcome!

Other ikkarim:

- Stay far away from the edge of the cliff, i.e. try to avoid looking at and fantasizing about anything that might trigger you. Once you get yourself aroused it's much much harder to stop.

- Daven to Hashem constantly, for ultimately He is really in control, and He can help you regardless of where you're at.

Hatzlacha

MT

WELCOME helpmeout613,

You have come to the right place! Have you read the handbook? It has lots of great ideas. It can help you figure out what to try. See what works for you.

You went to a therapist. What did you learn from it? Maybe it can be helpful to us. Did you identify the source(s) of the problem?

Do you have a specific question? What you posted is pretty generic. Tell us more about yourself and your situation.

Keep posting and reading the forum.

Glad to have you with us!

Welcome to the forum HMO613

My name is Eli and not unlike you, masturbating and porn is a major issue that I have to deal with. Like you as well, I have a very supportive wife.

We are very lucky to have a supportive wife. We should thank Hashem 100 time a day for that.

What exactly made you stop in Eretz Yisrael?

What made you start again when you back to chu''l

The chevra here is incredibly supportive.

Keep on posting I'm sure you have chizuk to give others

Thank you very much everyone for all your advice and help.

The therapist I went to said that its impossible to be helped when u are by yourself in it he said that you either have to go to a support group or discuss it with you wife. So I told my wife and she came to the therapist with me.

We mainly spoke about feelings he said that masturbation is caused by insecurities with feelings.
He said there are 4 main feelings that cause masturbation
1 Hunger
2 loneliness
3 stress
I dont remember the 4th.
But he said you have to be comfortable with all your bad feelings and insecurities and if you masturbate accept it dont beat youself up over it.

He said to get used to accepting your feelings you should discuss ur feelings at least 10 minutes a day with someone and after a time you should learn to do it in you head.

It really helped for about a year till I moved back to ch"l I dont have time now to describe why it went bad again that will have to be for another time.