Hey!! I'm new here and just wanted to test out a post. Hopefully get some chizuk. Here goes...

It all started in like 6th grade. of course I was just fooling around and only later as I experimented did I kinda realize what was happening. The porn came later. My dad actually caught me the first couple a times. Thought I was young and didn't know what I was doing. He was right. And I figured out how to do it without him knowing.this continued all through highschool. I would stay up late a few nights a week doing softcore stuff no videos b/c I had to keep it secret. This kept me very isolated.

Anyways since first year I started my struggle to stop. Damn has it been long and hard. There are a lot more graphic stuff online then just google pics. I mostly did it bein hazmanim. After bn hzmanim pesach I brought my laptop to yeshiva (why I don't know). That was pretty bad. By second year I was able to go about a month without porn but I couldn't hold back from acting out for more then 2 weeks. I do it two or three times a week on average I gave up the fight many times. Eventually I would just sit down with my chavrusa and tell him I'm going off the derech and he would say ok.....how. I would say I don't know get frustrated and walk out. By now while still observant I've become pretty much settled with my situation.

Watching acting out its like routine. I realized that a serious reason I can't stop is because by now I don't even know what the issur is. The shlchn aruch says its assur. Why? I did the shtark learning thing in isrl and now I'm pretty burnt out.

Until I found this website! My whole view of my situation has changed. I actually see a way out. I'm starting my three days prep for the 90 day journey. That it happens to coincide shlosha yemei kabballa is pretty cool. No promises though. Its mamesh a leap of faith. There is definately what to be nervous about. Someone please daven for me....

welcome to the club,

it sounds like you're already on the right path, but the 90 day chart might not be enough to stop you when the urge hits.But don't worry there's plenty of good programs here and i'm sure at least one of them will be the right one for you.

so stick around, keep on posting, and find what works for you.

hatzlacha and bli neder i will daven for you

Ya wow! you were right, I thought I was set with the 90 days, just read your post now after I fell.

So when you say programs, what would you suggest.......

WELCOME O1! You have come to the right place. It's nice to have you with us. Your story is far from unique. There is a lot to learn here. Have you read the GYE handbook? It's a good start.

Keep posting and sharing. Lust thrives in isolation.

like gibbor said, start with the handbook then figure out what level of addiction you have and post again and we can go from there.

The different programs all pretty much complement each other.The differnece is just on what part of the struggle they focus on, shmiras einayim, the causes, the actual struggle etc.

Thanx for the response.

I've gone through most of the handbook. I think I'm at a lvl 4, (maybe 5). Its really hard to fight something once your in the midst of the situation. I know avoiding it is a big help, but sometimes you end up facing it heads on. Never sure what to do in those situations.

Welcome!

The "I don't know what the issur is" argument comes up often. While it's very noble to want to stop masturbating and looking at porn because it's halachically wrong, that motivation rarely works. At least when we're first getting started.

For me, my mind had become so twisted by what I looked at, read, and fantasized about, that I couldn't think properly any more. I couldn't relate to people properly. I couldn't relate to the world normally. A relationship with Hashem? Are you kidding? Looking at pictures was my only true happiness. Pictures of women I'll never meet, never know. Checking out women on the street that I can never have. Fantasizing about things that I could never do. That was my only happiness. Really?

Do this because you're better. Because life is better than that. Real life is. But we addicts don't know much about real life. We hide from it. Isolate ourselves. Cuddle up with digital images. Never satisfied. Always wanting more. Getting gradually, imperceptibly sicker all the time.

The way out is simple: Commit. Stop. Recover.
Doing this is easiest if you truly commit and go all the way. Go out of your way to avoid lust. Surrender lustful thoughts and images to Hashem immediately and incessantly. Then, when you "end up facing it head on," you're practiced and prepared. Nothing is going to upset your sobriety.

Recovery means getting back into real life. Spending time with friends and loved ones. Doing things that give real satisfaction -- good conversation, learning, davening, exercising, hiking, boating. But most importantly, connecting with real people.

Hatzlocha!

Alex

Welcome Organizer, stick around and slowly you will see that you are in the right place but.....Don't do the 90 days as a goal. I tried and it hurt me many times when I thought I would get there and didn't. I have the 90 days chart only to see if I am making progress by stringing long clean periods together etc. But as a goal it can make you depressed which leads to more masturbation and porn.

Yitzchok, wishing you all the best!!

Wow thank you for that advice, the 90 days were beginning to become a burden. I'm gonna try a method can't remember where I read it, to fight by gaining ground. Meaning to stop for a couple days at a time, and slowly build more and more days at a time.

The plan to commit, stop, recovery sounds impressive. Experience shows though that I'm not very good with commitments. Especially one as big as this.

Recovery sounds like such a beautiful thing. I can't even imagine though getting back years of not connecting to people. But I'm not as worried about recovering as much as about getting started in the right direction

Hi O,

The mantra around here is "one day at a time". Don't worry about 90 days or even 2 days. Focus on TODAY. "slowly building more days" also doesn't generally work. Again, as they say, "half measures availed us nothing" (from AA).

What are you doing towards the goal of recovery? Have you read the handbook? Just trying harder is not going to help much. That is what we all did for many years. We need different tactics. What are your new tactics?

organizering1 wrote:


Translation:
I can't imagine life without my drug. I like this plan because I can have my drug and still feel like I'm doing something about my addiction.

The truth:
All any of us need to do is take it one day at a time. Just get through today. Just get through right now.




Like Yoda says, "Do, or do not. There is no try."




Yes. Real life is beautiful. I wish it for you.




We can't get anything back. We only have today.




Right. You don't do commitment.

Just my take. Stay with us brother, we'll see you through if you stay the course.

i think i'm saying what the posts above say just in other words.

don't worry about being clean for a couple of days because then you're basically giving yourself a license to fall after you reach that goal, plus it doesn't really work for most people.

instead just focus on being clean today, and tomorrow you'll worry about being clean then. so don't worry about weaning yourself off slowly because that's what your doing by taking it one day at a time, because you're just weaning yourself for one day. (and it happens to be that by weaning yourself for just one day you're also weaning yourself without ever falling during that process)

don't worry about it. we're all here for you. keep on posting it helps tremendously.

Hatzlacha

Well the method (it was 8 by the way) worked. I started with one day. Then fell. I did two days then fell. I did 5 days while aiming for 4. Then fell. I did 10 days while aiming for 7.......and fell and couldnt get up.

So it works just to prove that holding back for a period of time. But I belive youre right its not a long term goal.

I'm very confused about the commitment issue. Do commit, don't commit. I've read posts that say both ways. Today's chizuk said yes, someone else here (who has been giving very sound advice by the way, I cant thank you enough!!) has said not to commit, work on today.

Where do I go from here. I wanna get back on track......how do I start?

Commit to start staying clean, but your focus? Should just be on this moment. When you get to the next moment, you can worry about that then.

Make sense?

They're not contradictory.
We all believe in commitment.
We just also believe that the only way to do this is to really take it one day at a time.
Wake up in the morning and commit to staying sober today.
Go to bed at night and commit to staying sober tonight.
And keep asking Hashem to help you keep that commitment.

Have a great, clean day!