A vort I heard on Shiva Asar btamuz if I may. The Torah part of the Torah ends with the words- Leinei Kol Yisrel. Rashi says-Hashem said to moshe- yasher koach that you broke the luchos. That act of luchos breaking is what hashem thanked Moshe for, out of all the things that Moshe Rabeinu did and the words that sign off on the chumash. The depth of why this act was so special?
Klal yisroel was not inherently capable of the sin of the Egel the gemoro tells us- But to teach the generations about the power of Teshuva even after the most severe sin on the heels of matan torah is why hashem willed it to happen.(the same really applies for any sin that a yid sins, hes not really culpable (I googled that word) nor capable due to his soul which is a chelek alokai, but hes considered a SHOTEH for the moment- as the ruach shtus engulfed him, but its never really him that would dream of rebelling against hashem and it never affects his soul inherently only superficially. The breaking of the luchos is what prompted klal yisroel to start doing teshuva and that is the lesson that Moshe rabeinu was teaching us and why it is the most special thing.
As the Hashpoa and brocho of everything in the Torah is there for us to experience every year in our own contemporary era - this day has the tremendous hashpoah and brocho in it based on the above all pi chasidus. An easy fast to all of us

Dear Sonoftheking,

Thank you for your warm words, and thank you for bringing up this important nekudah. I think that the answer to this dilemma lies in the derech ha'memutza. On the one hand, it is important for those who are sharing to be able to be open and honest about it. And for those who are reading the posts, it's important for them to see that they are not alone in this insanity. On the other hand, being TOO open is dangerous and can be triggering to the people here.

So we try to be very careful on GYE not to post anything that could give anyone new ideas that they had not known before. (However if you are on this site, you obviously know the basic struggle and the things discussed here are not going to be mechadesh anything to you).

Therefore, let me ask everyone to please be careful not to post anything triggering. If you do see such a post, please report it to the mods immediately. (Sonoftheking, feel free to send an e-mail to gye.help@gmail.com with any examples of posts that you think may be "too open" in your opinion).

Yasher Koach.

I asked a similar question to Dov on Guy's thread.


Dov--whete have you gone? where are you when we need you?

sonoftheking,

Why exactly did you join GYE?

Dov wrote:


When will you answer these two simple questions, sonoftheking?

Your suggestion to have more close regulation of this website by Torah authorities is interesting and I have a few questions to ask and some opinions of my own to share about it. Thanks for bringing it up. Being that it is a fast day and I am feeling uncomfortable, I'll try to post that another time, bl"n. Bez"H I have learned in recovery not to post things I feel very deeply and strongly about when feeling physically uncomfortable. So if you really want to hear another point of view, ask me over the next few days when I have time (tomorrow I will probably not be near a computer very much).

But I am more concerned why you only suggested this idea after it was suggested a few times that you share exactly why you are here and exactly what your lust failures are.

It would be relatively easy for me to pretend to be an authority on purity, and many people (not just Yidden) do that. Those of them who are still chronically falling eventually get worse and worse until they finally discover that they have been hiding behind the Torah. Coming out from behind the Torah (and Chassidus) is a very, very painful process. I have met dozens who have done that - and we survive! And we come out the other side far better ovdei Hashem, far more useful to our families, and far more useful to others in this terrible struggle than we were before. [See the Divrei Chayim on the pasuk "vayikra lo keil, Elokei Yisroel" for a moshol you may like from the BSh"T that I apply to the way life gets better for us 'purity experts' after finally admitting exactly who we are and what our problem is. Hashem lifts us low people way up, higher than all our purity knowledge could have done....as long as we stay low and know we did not 'win' anything.]

I have been there, chaver. It's nice to be honest with myself, Hashem, and people.

Do you have a chronic problem of this nature yourself?

Personally, I do not think you, sonoftheking, are one of the people who tends to have chronic and progressive sexual struggles. (Until you write otherwise) I just assume you are a good-hearted person who wants to help others and does not really share the pain of a long term, chronic obsession with acting out using schmutz.

Hatzlocha sharing what you have learned about kedusha and tahara - and in the meantime, I hope you can respect the needs of others who find on GYE the only place in the world that they can be truly open and clear about their problem and get real help.

I can introduce you to over two hundred guys who are frum like you and I, and have only come to live safe, sober, and honest yiddisheh lives through opening up with others about their painful and sensitive problem. All the Torah you wrote of so well (and that they knew) did not and never would have helped them. Only open honesty helped them - with real people who shared their struggles. They only came to believe that those people knew their pain by reading and hearing them share openly about their own problem without shame and fear. And they saw a reflection of themselves - so they could come forward.

I hope you can appreciate that. It's a greater gift than you may imagine. For there are many wives and children who were directly saved from lives of lies - 'frum' lies. Lives so filled and damaged by the lies that their life is torn apart. I know many like this, R"l. They are quite knowledgeable in Torah and even Chassidus, and their lives are trashed. Not Torah, but rather honesty, is the missing ingredient. No wonder the Kotzker begged for a crumb of Emess. No wonder it is Chosamo shel HKb"H.

I agree with Guard. And wI want to point out that if G-d forbid we only spoke/wrote here on GYE about sterilized, approved things like 'shmiras habris', and left the 'honesty' to the imagination out of 'tzniyus'....none of the many people I know would have ever gotten the hope that they could change. That very hope is what allows them to finally come forward out of those deep shadows of years of the 'secret inner struggle for kedusha' for real, and finally get the help they need.

So. Care to answer the two questions I asked you (in a tasteful way, of course) and start the ball rolling in a way that will really help all parties? There is no right or wrong answer. We have plenty b'nei Torah and chassidim here - and there is a section called "The Beis Hamedrash" where you can teach us all the Torah you think we should know, sonoftheking.

Just share yourself here, that's all, fair enough?

Maybe he is suddenly driven to reevaluate his need to be here. Being asked to come out from behind droshos and 'advice', to just say "Hi, it's me,", often does that.

But I was hoping he would just share his experience. It would probably be a real help to people here.

Dov wrote:


I should have written the post a little differently.

sonoftheking,

My name is Eli. I joined GYE because I felt like I was living in lust hell and whenever I would walk to the door to get out, the floor would turn into a treadmill that would go faster if I ran faster.

D'heinu, I tried to get out many times but I never did

Why exactly did you join GYE?

Hi fellow tzadikim - I am sorry for the delay. Ill try to answer your questions shortly. Have a great day.

To my fellow sons of the king. Hi.

As I agree that for any tips and attempts at helping out other holy yidden it helps by sharing how the the person posting should explain how their posts have helped their own selves, I will repeat what I wrote earlier. I have been and still am tempted at times and sometimes succumb to my temptations.

The following ( and my previous posts) which is what I have had the unbelievably good fortune bh to discover and what I was zoche to learn from good, ehrliche, smart,humble people have transformed and continuously transform my continuous journey from what it used to be for me for 20 plus years- ( I am now in my mid thirties) i.e.- depression,hopelessness, sadness,up and down continuously,living hell,feeling trapped etc. into one that is full of the exact opposite. Joy,excitement,optimism,and calm etc.

I am sorry for repeating myself in the following sentences.

I learnt that while in the past I had felt after a fall like something was not working for me and something went very wrong - that that was not the case at all. I learnt that hashem was the one who wanted for the fall to take place. I learnt that there was only holiness and goodness underneath the fall. As everything that happens is for my good - falling is no exception. Where I used to think after a fall- "OMG' - here I go again, I gotta start over,the depression that followed, the hopelesness, the thought of when will this exhausting and unrewarding cycle end-

I started to feel the sweetness of the feeling that - NO.NO.NO.NO.- nothing is supposed to end.This is the sweetest road of what hashem wants for me precisely the way it is going.The fall is for my benefit and contrary to what I had thought initially that it was a sign of something that is not going right.

I learnt from ehrilche and smart yidden over time that whenever I read or heard posts or felt thoughts of something is not going right- be it myself or others (in any scenario or format, bar none)- that that was to be a trigger for every good yid(which we all are) to jump up and say to ourselves with ferocity and certainty and with tears in our eyes- no.no.no.no.- THERE IS NO SUCH THING- if its happening and hashem knew its gonna happen- then it could not be better.(There are many reasons as to why hashem thinks thats its best for me to continuously fall and/or be addicted to whatever it is that is the issue at hand.- in our first posts) It replaces our previous feelings of - theres a problem god forbid, to that of- Hashem loves us so much and theres only positive energy and goodness underneath. This changes our entire lives.This replaces the sadness and confusion and negativity to thoughts of the most calming and loving kind. This fills us with love and joy and energy to forge ahead with optimism and serenity.All is well and will continue to be well. We are in the very best of hands.This is our holy and sweet mission down here. This is the pshat in Shivisi hashem lnegdi- There is no negdi on its own- hashem is negdi- if something seems negdi- if theres an addiction, or problem,or situation that seems to be an obstacle whatever that may be- its hashem underneath it-Tomid- with no exceptions ever, and therefore ONLY tov as he is mekor hatov. We all know the above- but we have to tell it to ourselves over and over again on a DAILY basis till it becomes instictive to us.

If we encounter fellow tzadikim,(V'ameich Kulam Tzadikim) whether they are friends,famly members,therapists,etc. - who tell us - no - they feel or see otherwise,etc. we know that THAT IN ITSELF is also for the good that that person to still think that theres something negative or not working chas vsholom.

This wonderful and eye opening thought is behind the fact that the 98 curses- (which include the worst seeming troubles under the sun, and include any seeming problem that we have ever heard and not heard about god forbid, including falls,addictions and seeming way worse unimaginable horror god forbid) written in the Torah in 2 different parshios- are the deepest blesssings in truth and are hidden underneath the surface of the curses. As everything is brocho under the surface. That is why the Gerrer Rebbes used to instruct their chasidim to zip thru the al cheits on yom kippur as fast as they can- because hashem wants us to feel the goodness and sweetness of the light of the Torah and his love for us and to see thru the mask of sins and seeming things that arent working properly to what they truly are. Goodness and divine. This concept is the running theme thruout the entire torah in all the hundreds of seforim from the greats.They repeat it over and over and over again as this is what should fill our minds and souls from the moment we wake up until we go to sleep. They repeat over and over again how the one that brought about the "problem" that a yid is dealing with- he as well gave the yid the solution-the eys to see thru the mask. They teach us to embrace the "problem" as a divine and good and sweet and holy mission with god in its very core smiling at us, instead of not looking past the surface and see the "problematic" shell of it. There are some contemporary and known individuals out there in the tri state area that have acquired the depth of the above and are available to share it. Many of us can think of some people that they encounter that seem to to have internalized the above and we should seek them out for them to be our rav and friend.





(P.S. I had the thought that perhaps the powerful tool that we know about breaking down the barriers of shame and divulging all aspects of the sin, which is brought down in the tzetel koton from R. Elimelech might have led to some confusion for some well meaning holy individuals.(That in itself is also only for our good.) To have a good ehrliche smart humble friend and/or Rebbee to share ones sins is unbelievably effective.To post specifics of ones sins from behind a computer monitor, might not be that effective.To suggest that anyone that has anything to post, for them to accompany their post with the specifics of their sin times,places,frequency etc. in order for the post to be a legitimate and effective and most helpful post- might also stem from confusing what R. Elimelech and others wrote.That thought is also for our good.

A public detailed posting about specifics of these sins between thousands of good yidden might be a clever camaflouge of lack of sensitivity to holiness and in the guise of following R. Elimelechs holy advice.That in itself is also only for our good.

I also have always had a weakness of not just following directives for the sake of satisfying the will of the tzadik issuing directives.

I also have not seen in the hundreds of posts of people attempting to receive tips, that the questioner has asked the attempting helper- please detail me the specifics and frequency and time of your own sins so as your post will be more helpful to me that way.I have not encountered such a phenomenon either nor have I heard of it or seen it in a book or sefer or heard from a person. That is also for our good.

Son Of The King:

Part of Hashem's sweet holy glorious plan for me, is that I should have the Holy Nisayon of suffering ADD, so please forgive me if I cannot read through the copious amount of Holy sweet text that your fingers type out on the sweet keyboard, which is a piece of Hashem cuz Hashem created it. But I think I got your basic drift.

My humble ehrliche opinion is that you're terribly mistaken [if I correctly understood what you wrote].

If my holy sweet wife caught me porning and locked me out of the house and after a week I decide to take my life, is that also part of Hashem's holy sweet plan for me? Or is that my holy sweet bechira?

I really wanted to go on and on, and I could, but like I mentioned, I have ADD, and am currently in middle of typing a teshuva, reading a book, and going to the Mikva Erev Shabbos, so I'll sign off for now, but I think you got my drift.

Hi Mr. Tehillimzugger. I like your witty style and your articulation.You seem like a natural.Keep on posting please.Thanks for the free chuckles. The answer is yes of course. The hardship that you,I, and everyone else has with that answer is how can the answer be yes to that, when it hurts and feels and looks like the hell that you so vividly described? How can the answer be yes, when EVERYTHING about it points in the other direction of hell itself? The answer is, that pain is not equal hell. Hurt is not hell.Tears and tragedies god forbid is not equal hell. Addiction and struggles are not hell. It hurts like hell god forbid, but thats it. Hurts and looks and seems and feels etc. like hell.But its not hell. Heres the best part of it. Hell itself is not hell inherently.
(That answers the question of - if it quacks like a duck,walks like a duck etc.)

Hell feels like hell, burns,stings.painful,etc. but its not inherently hell as theres no such thing as inherent hell in a negative way as I will try to explain what the Bal shem tov and all his followers write.(You and I can chalk up things that might not make sense to me and you to my not being holy enough to understand his words as much as that of a holier person than me.)
The first and simplest beginning of a semblance of grasping this holy concept is possibly as follows:
Just like a toddler gets slapped by his parents for a "wrongdoing".If you talk to the kid post slap, there is nothing but misery on his face.(Try it if you didnt already.) Hes hurt,insulted,bad mood,etc.
Most adults witnessing the situation wont bat an eyelash.Their brains tell them that what for the kid seems like the end of the world,it is nothing but a toddlers brain's level of understanding.To our adult mind - nothing of substance happened to the kid nor happened at all.
The kid is in genuine pain. He truly received the painful slap on his face etc.He is humiliated. His world has genuinely come crashing down on him.He truly feels ALL the tears inducing pain that he is displaying (when he isnt crying crocodile tears) but that doesnt change our knowledge about what really is going on,one bit. We are not fazed by what is visible to our eyes.We utilize our minds too.
The contrast in IQ levels between us and our loving father to that of the previous father and son does not have any limits.The level of love from our father to us is way way past that of a mortal father and is INFINITE.The level of Hashem correctly assessing the exact measure of appropriate response to his childrens sin is far far higher than that of a father down here.The level of patience that Hashem has for us, far far exceeds that of the father in our story. If we were to say its a billion times more of a gap between us and our loving fathers understanding of things than that of a typical dad and son- we have not scratched the surface. So we are a much much of a lesser IQ than that of the child in our story versus the much much infinitesimally larger understanding of our loving and eternal father in heaven.
What do we suppose hashem does when watching us chas vsholom suffer from all the seeming hellish things down here.
Firstly he cries with us.He weeps with us. He groans with us. Our pain is his pain.
For a mini example of that, one can use a response of an ordinary fathers behavior when he sees his beloved child in pain chas vsholom. But also, while crying with us, he knows in his greatness that although we feel all the pain,(which he is embedded within) we are but his sweet little toddlers crying when they get slapped and that they(we) might think at times that the world is coming to an end, all hell is breaking loose,we are trapped in our troubles and sorrows,but thankfully in his wisdom he made sure that is never the case. As he would not create the world otherwise. As the whole point of creation is to do good to others- as he is good and wants only good and only created good inherently.
(which we are to emulate)
Anything that seems contradictory to that is obviously a mirage,facade(that he himself planted for us and is embedded within, for us to overcome and get rewarded for that too because he loves us so)and something that with time and patience will get clearer and clearer to us iyh.
There are no exceptions to his wanting to do good. There is NO person that he doesnt want to do good at ALL times- bar none, no place,no time, no situation- NO EXCEPTIONS. ever.Pain sometimes.( More about that iyh at a later time hopefully) Evil,sadness,problems,failures inherently does not exist.Its a darn good masquerade.Our work is not to be fooled. People doing wrong does not prevent him from doing good to them as well- as he is not limited by that in the slightest, he made the person fall in the first place, he willed it, and he would not have done it for any reason but for the benefit of the person, for otherwise, what was the point. Bechira means going forward only. As he is the source of good, there nothing but goodness emanating from him which is what happily forces us to realize that hell itself cannot be inherently bad as there no inherent bad- just a masquerade of bad- and always for the benefit of man in one way or another. Whether we initially recognize that benefit or not.
Do not take my word for it. There are sources for all this in every holy sefer.
A sweet and holy Shabos to all.

(This is BUT ONE of the endless explanations that greater people than me can go on and on for eternity about)

sonoftheking wrote:

Let's leave it at that. And thanks for encouraging me to keep on posting.
And I love all Jews that are sons of the King and holy and sweet.

sonoftheking,

You are taking the words of Chassidus and twisting them to let you off the hook guilt-free, and it is misleading. What you are in effect saying is that I should do whatever it is I want and if Hashem wills it to happen, I must be doing the right thing, otherwise it wouldn't happen.

There is a story in Pirkei Avos about Hillel. One day he was walking along the waterfront and he came across a human skull. "Just like you drowned another," said Hillel, "so were you drowned." The question is, if everything is hashgacha protis, then Guy A was meant to have drowned. If that is the case, why was Guy B who drowned him punished? An answer that is given is that Hashem has many agents. Just because Guy A was supposed to have drowned and Guy B was given the opportunity to facilitate it does not mean that he should have been so eager to carry it out. We all have free choice. Guy B had free choice, too. Had Guy B chosen not to carry out the act, Hashem would have used other means. Because he decided to drown Guy A, Guy B was therefore punished with being drowned in turn.

For whatever reason, the energy being brought down into the world through these kinds of actions may be part of Hashem's plan, but we do have the choice whether or not to be the agent through which those kind of plans are implemented.

We are put into this world to work on our middos and to help make the world a better place. If something happens to us, yes, it's Hashem's will and therefore must be good. On the other hand, we are told by Hashem what He wants of us and must do all in our power to do what what is right and not to do what is not. We cannot be complacent with our level of yiddishkeit, and we cannot be carefree regarding our negative actions. We must constantly be growing. That having been said, you are correct in that we should not get depressed if we do end up falling, for doing so would be giving in further to the YH. Being depressed is counterproductive to growing. We must take stock of our situation and continue stronger than ever in a happy way, because the only way to serve Hashem is with happiness.

--------
Regarding sharing about yourself:

Nobody is asking you for a full detailed writeup of your sins and where you are holding.

What is being asked for is honesty and straightforwardness.

Being a human with mistakes and achievements is way more effective than standing on a pedestal and preaching to others.

Surely you can step down for a post and write a brief description of what you've been through and where you're heading without it being too detailed.

I'm gonna go take a joint now...

(shaking head in confusion... gotta get me a fix (which is yiddish for fox, by the way)

Inna totaly unrealted story...
Has anybody here ever read about the holocaust?

LORD!

It's so sad

powerfull

it makes me want to do better...

(yes I was reading some wikipedia articles about the Holocaust)