so where to begin well.. I should have joined this site in 2002 but I guess it was kept hidden from me till I was ready to benefit from it!

I've been on and off this lust thing for quite a few years with my best clean streaks during zeman. Interestingly (cause I never heard of gye/ 90 days) I was clean for 90 days before the beginning of March when I fell and b'h a few days later I discovered gye and I kept clean easily for the next three weeks and managed easily to convince myself im not a lust addict just have moments of weakness where i slip into a different person and enjoy myself in a different way. So now that ive been on gye it will be the end of it period. Well I was wrong so so wrong the fall came and it was big probably my worst ever a week long and now I feel meshubad to be modeh in public or at least to myself that I am a lust addict.

My weakness is curiosity which has led me to view everything. As I started 10yrs ago I remember the excitement of explicit images the first few were intriguing and then I wanted more what if... and what would... look like and the list goes on. Then better quality screens came out so off I go from the beginning again. Then when the internet could handle movies it was another reason to start all over again... And dont think my curiosity was ever fulfilled cause I would forget and need to come back. Besides I needed something to lust over so what if id seen it before. I think it would be impossible for me to write what ive seen in a list, let alone way to painful to be reminded how much my eyes have absorbed while they were far from guarded
so last week like so many other times I found a new twist to something and subjected my neshomo to its last bit of torture imy"h.

I wrote the above almost two weeks ago on Tuesday and decided I would keep clean for a week before posting. It took till rosh chodesh to recover and B'h I'm proud to announce I'm clean since rosh chodesh 10 days! well I've done more but this is a fresh start a clean slate which imy'h will be clean forever. I hope being a part of gye will help me.

Problem is 10 days is enough for me to truly believe im definitely not an addict which is the beginning of a slippery slope one which I've rode before for months. But i'm so happy I emailed the above to myself one night immediately after shas maaser feeling sick at what I had just done... so I can remind myself im not in control!

Welcome aboard, you sound like a great guy. I can really identify with the curiosity thing, how many times did I tell myself, "It's not so bad I'm just curious..."
Well your in the right place, make the most of it and all the free hand books.
Just one thing it isn't helpful to say
"I'll be clean forever" Best ever advice truly is
One day at a time.

Welcome MOH! Nice to have you with us.

Have you read the GYE handbook? guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/gye-handbook

Do you have a plan of action?

Thanks for the kind words!

I updated my chart today and saw 16 days its gone so quick b'h much easier now that ive told myself its just not happening.
israel613120: When you say just not doing it today i always feel its like saying but i will do it tomorrow and believe me i can lie to everyone around me but to myself.. i see straight through the lie and I know its a full time battle so i just daven ill have the strength to continue fighting.
gibbor120: I downloaded the handbook but only read a few pages most of my chizuk comes from reading the froum before bed.
I think ive identified a few triggers which im getting better at avoiding.
my plan of action is basically the same as people quit smoking go cold turkey know that whatever happens however stressed or free i am its just not an option anymore.
I think i have a semi-addictive personality other addictions i just sort of grew out of but i've come to realise this one wont happen mimailah it needs avodah!

But you knoe you can stay clean today! That's worth staying clean for. If you're going to fall, it's better to do it tomorrow than today. Then the next day tell yourself the same thing. You're never mechuyav to stay clean tomorrow- only today.

1 month and counting!
Some thoughts/questions;
My first two week were a massive present from hash-m they were quite easy and B'h the temptation wasnt really around. The last five days have become really tough! I have a filter on my phone and my laptop even though no filter isn't ever allowed in my bedroom. I think without these gedarim I wouldnt be feeling so happy right now but my temptation is m* which i dont see th point of without p* so through my warped logic of theres no point without the p* I've stayed clean...
In the last few days as i pass the gibor shkovesh etz yitzroh stage on the chart i actually feel that is exactly the challenge putting the yh back in its place. I do wonder if the banners for each level were just a cute idea or there is indeed a deeper meaning behind them?
Being a member of the northern hemisphere as most of us are im finding motzei shabbos all the more challenging longer shabbosim mean more shluf and that means laying in bed awake for a dangerous amount of time.. any ideas for kosher bedtime entertainment?

Try some artscroll gadol biographies- the recent Rav Elyashiv one for example. Or the new one on Rav Scheinberg.

i personally try not to sleep at all on shabbos afternoon because it isn't worth it to have to stay up at night.
try taking a long walk during the afternoon, learn pirkei avos, read kosher magazines, books, etc.
for bedtime there are some very good 'lesson a day' books out there. one thing i enjoy a lot is the meam loez in english on tanach, the way it's written is almost like a story.

www.eichlers.com/torah-anthology-vol-20-yehoshua-joshua.html


anyway, kutgw and make sure not to get lulled into a false sense of security

Hi Meain,
I checked you out on the 90 day chart and I must say that you have inspired me. Keep up the good work. I hope to meet you soon on the Wall of Honour. Remeber that every time you update your count on the chart, you give us all great chizzuk.