I've been following the chizuk emails for about 6 months now and its been helping me control my addiction and realize my problem. However, it has not been enough to keep me from falling for more than a couple days. I now know that I need the help of others in order to recover and do a full teshuva. Please help!
Sincerely,
L(EARNING)

LEARNING wrote:


What would you like use to do? If we had the magic solution to make all our problems go away, we wouldn't be here.

How bout this: I tell you my name and you tell me yours.

My name is Eli and I like doughnuts (g'baken nuch pesach)

In all seriousness, please share with the chevara a little about yourself and your struggles.

Meanwhile, cheak ou the welcome packet:

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama . Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions.

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

I'm Shimon. I've had this addiction for a while now.it gradually got worse over the years and now I control it. I've been falling every couple of days and each time it gets worse. i always told myself I would do teshuva right after a fall, but eventually i gave in again. I took a big leap by starting to read the chizuk emails, but it still wasn't enough. Every time i fell i said to myself, "i need to do something more!" But I never felt like joining the forum or sharing my problem with anyone. i think this is because i felt i wasnt an addict. Now I'm taking the next step i need by directly coming to GYE because I AM AN ADDICT. I realized this after a recent fall. I know that sharing my problems with other people was a step in the right direction because i always feared doing it.

I know how you feel (I think). I've had this problem for a while as well (like 25 years). You are correct. It gradually gets worse because we need more and more stimuli to satisfy our lust s we desensitize ourselves.

How long have you been struggling for? Even of you have been struggling for a while, that doesn't necessarily make you an addict. There's is a list of questions posted in a few threads that are kind of the litmus test to see whether or not you are a an addict.

Does anyone know about your struggles or do you have a real person that you can share you struggles with?

Chabibi, you're in the right place if you are looking for a supportive group of people who are like minded. I've been here for six months and quite frankly it's changed saved my life my life.

Have you ever had any successes in this area that you are proud of?

Chazak v'ematz... I took me reading the chizuk e-mails, but still falling, for over a year before I realized I had to do more... so you're already doing better than me!

LEARNING wrote:


LEARNING wrote:


My brother, if it's an addiction, then we don't control it and never will. By definition, an addiction is something we cannot control. In fact, personally, I'm powerless over my addiction. If I let myself take in the image of a woman, or think lustful thoughts, it's over -- I'm in numb and stupid mode doing my thing.

As addicts in recovery, we learn that the only way to "control" our lust is to avoid it. This means keeping our eyes off women, whether live or in any kind of media, tznius or otherwise, face or other parts. It also means not entertaining lustful thoughts or mental images. When these come, I verbally surrender them to Hashem, imploring Him to take my lust, and this image, so I can live.

Welcome!

Alex

I know what you mean that once you get into the aveirah its almost impossible to stop, but are you saying that the only way to survive is to avoid the lust completely? There must some tricks to quickly escape when you're caught- like an emergency exit. Am I right?

I suppose the biggest success I have had in this area is simply, wanting out. When I said that I am an addict I meant that I'm not like normal people. I read this once in a chizuk email.

LEARNING wrote:


Most emergency exits don't work too well for addicts. What are you going to do? try to envision you face covered in feces . I mean c'mon man, well... they never really worked for me.

There are regular exits. like immediately surrendering your lust to Hashem, acknowledge that you are powerless over it and asking him to help you through this most difficult situation.

It also helps to have someone that you can call to talk to s the desire hits.

"Hi Bob, uh no, I don't need to reorder widgets, um.. nothing, I just feel like i am about to explode with lust because{fill in the blank honestly}"

(It's best through if the person knows in advance that you will be calling them)

and BTW if you need emergency exits too often it might be an indication that something else needs to be revamped.

As far as successes go I'm sure you've had more succes than wanting out. Have you ever stopped yourself from acting out, ever?

Eli

I have stopped my self, but usually after a little while I would find myself stuck again with no way out this time.

@reallygettingthere, I don't think that "envisioning your face covered in feces" is helpful advice for anyone. Would you tell that to your son if he had this problem? No, so why say it to someone else?

One thing that really helped me was getting a job out of the house (working from home is too risky) . That covered a good part of the day. Depending if you're single or what not, you might also find activities after work outside the house or with others such as a chavruta to study with, [men-only] sports leagues, volunteering, or even invent your own.

Welcome LEARNING! Yes, the main way to fight is not to get into the ring in the first place (shmiras aynayim etc). Calling someone is helpful. Develop relationships with safe people so you can talk honestly. It makes a BIG difference.

You are not alone. We are here for you.

LEARNING wrote:


Yes. Avoidance is the only long-term strategy I know of. And that's just to get sober. To stay sober (recover), we need to learn to live.

It sounds like you're negotiating a little.
For an addict, it's hard to envision really living without our drug.

Only when we realize we really can't go on living our sick, double life -- when this drives us to truly want sobriety and recovery more than we want our drug -- then we have the makings of commitment.

fightaddiction2 wrote:


chillax bro,

I'm not suggesting that anyone do that at all. I am actually against it as much as you are

LEARNING had asked for "emergency exits". I've struggled with this problem since childhood. Over the past 25 something years I've heard all sorts of ideas. There was one that was something like what I mentioned.

Chazal have a list if things that one should think about when they are temped with sin, from involving one's self in Torah all the way to remembering the day of death.


None of these worked for me.

Even thinking about, "what if I died right now and they found me with my hands in my pants and the phone open to a porn website" almost never helped.

These din't work because I am an addict

What you are suggesting though is essential. An addict needs to avoid the situations that are most likely to bring them to temptation.