Well hello I found this site thanks to a Aish.com article. Let me brief you on my story so you peeps can know me better. After all we are all a big family.
. My father converted to judaism since my dad's part of the family was always jewish, but my mom's wasn't. Then they got married, etc. Then I was born in 1991. My father never kept his jewishness due to being married to my mom who was catholic. So for 10ish years I never had a religion since my mom wanted me to follow my own path. Of course I went to school, and it was a private school which it wasn't aligned to any religion, but they had a bible class. You know I went along with the class, etc. But for some reason I always knew that this was just a fairytail. Back in those days when I pray I still pray with the regular hand gesture, but in my mind I always knew that I didn't need to be praying to this J. Guy, but to G-D himself, and not some human, and so it went like this for age. Around 97 my dad, and mom got a divorced. So I was always been switched from parent to parent, and this was also different since this was in Venezuela, and is a whole different system there. So one nite I started experimenting with myself, and there's when all this problem started. Around 2003 I moved with my father since he was moving to Florida, USA, and it was pretty obvious to go with him since I could have better education, and a better life in a free country. So the years went by, and I was till masturbating. Around 2008's is when my dad decided to take me to a jewish mentor who was teaching people judaism. So that's when my jewish life started, and so the years went by, and I got my circumsion around 2010 or so, and my conversion around that year too, but I was still stuck with this atrocity which I'm doing. I mean sometimes I was sexually aroused by girls in school(I went to public schools, I have never study in a yeshiva in all my life), and the activity got worse. I mean I haven't lost my virginity to a girl I haven't married. B'H for that. Around 2010 I was diagnosed with MD which I always knew there was something wrong with my muscles, but that even got me turned down more, and I have truly lost my encouragement to find a woman, and so we are here I am in 2013 trying to stop this so perhaps by stopping myself from doing this h-sh-m will reward me with healings, and a partner in my life. Sorry for being so touchy, but the only way to get help was to tell the truthfulness of my story. Also sorry I'm not really good in grammar, etc.

Dear friend,

Thanks for sharing so openly about all that impotant detail in your life. Certainly using porn or women to excite ourselves is a mistake, and I agree with you that masturbating yourself is a thing to avoid. But I need to ask you a question:

Just from reading your post, it feels to me that you are deeply focused on 'this atrocity' of sex with yourself as though you are a nazi or something. I also get the feeling that you are focused on this struggle in a way that is more intense than your Judaism as a whole, prehaps.

Is this so? If so, I wish to say that it does not need to be so - and it is a distortion of Judaism.

You have come a long way, chaver. Don't get hijacked by magnifying a single parasite into the focus of your existence.

Thanks,

Dov

Welcome!
Dov does have an uncanny way of getting to the core of things.
You have certainly been dealt an uncommonly difficult hand in many ways.
Which makes your turning to the comforts of fantasy and masturbation quite understandable.
There is a path out of your rut and you will learn about it here.
A shortcut to success is prayer. Speaking to Hashem in your own heartfelt words. Regularly. Even about this. Especially about this. Because He's the only hope any of us in this boat has.
Wishing you much success in your journey.
Alex

@Dov. Sorry for some reason my post didn't quote you. Not in that way, but I'm trying to make it stop, and get it out of my head. So I try to think it in a "not a nice" thing. So I could perhaps stop. I have successfully stop since I joined this website. Best method I've been using is to grab a prayer book or music to distract me of any thoughts.

OK, so you wrote "..and the activity got worse". Thats an important admission but this is not yet helpful for change. It is not sharing the truth yet, but using generalities. You can get specific (real and factual). That will help much more, for you are not the only one.

And is there anyone you can share specifics with who understands, with whom you have layed out the details of exactly what troubling behaviors you keep doing that are bothering you, how often and where and when you do them?
(I am just asking for clarity's sake, not suggesting this yet, chaver.)

Are you really expecting perfection in macshovah, dibbur, and ma'aseh?? Seriously. I am asking what your goal is.

Make it a reasonable goal, OK?

Please try to share here what your actual - realistic - goal is. Thanks.

Sorry for the late reply, but like I said I have been trying to be off my computer for a while, and I have successfully done so.

So you are healed and mission accomlished?

You could say such thing. Hopefully it keeps like that. Does the website only help for addiction?. Cause I've been looking for advice on things, and I'm not sure if this would be the appropriate website. Anyways thank you.

mramos91 wrote:


Can you be a little more clear on just what things you are looking for advice on?

WELCOME. Wow, you really have a lot to deal with. This is a great place to get help.

Umm, you still alone, brother?

My dear sir. Do not worry. It has gone away. Sorry for 2 year old reply, but I decided better to reply than to make a new one. So you is aware of who I am.
Even thought it comes hard somedays I'm able to fight it. It is probably the lack of gusto for Florida, and many other family problems that got me into it many years ago.

I found out during my first outside-US trip to Vancouver. Not a single thought came to my mind.