Hi Guys I have been a 'member of the heilige GYE now for some time, however I have never posted a message.
My position right now is one of annoyance, I have blocked out access of the internet and have been clean for nearly two weeks B"H. However I am finding that every day I am stumbling and just clinging on by the skin of my teeth. I feel that I can't last like this for long and sooner or later I will fall and have to start again.
Please can the oylam give me some needed advice??

Hatzlocho to all of you incredible yidden and a groisse shkoiach for all the chizzuk I have received from everyone on the site.

bochur613 wrote:


Welcome Bachur 613,

My name is Eli. I think that I know how you feel. I was hanging on by a thread many times and fell even more times

In my case, that situation would always play out the same way: I would try to fight and sooner or later I would loose.

In most cases that's the reality. The guys that try to "white knuckle it" usually fall at the end. The yetzer hora is stronger than you and has more patience so it's only a matter of time you try to fight him.

What are you doing to prevent yourself from falling?

Eli

I am going through the twelve steps. I speak to friends and we help give each other chizzuk. I am also on the 90 days programme.

Welcome.

It sounds like you are taking alot of the right actions.

I wish you hatslocho.

Keep on posting. Let us know how you are doing.

Best regards.

Moish

welcome!!
First of all, just remember to stay clean TODAY, RIGHT NOW! no worries about what was and what will be, only now!
I also was where you were at when i first joined just a few months ago, and the thing that helped me the most was what AlexEliezer wrote to me, which was that we have to realize how big of a role Shemiras Einayim plays here, we tend to look at "kosher" women, and not realize that we are just filling ourselves up with lust. therefore we have to implement ablsolute shemiras einayim, no looking at women whatsoever, anywhere! it has made a HUGE difference for me, (and obviously for alexeliezer also)
I wish you lot's of hatzlacha!!

welcome!!
First of all, just remember to stay clean TODAY, RIGHT NOW! no worries about what was and what will be, only now!
I also was where you were at when i first joined just a few months ago, and the thing that helped me the most was what AlexEliezer wrote to me, which was that we have to realize how big of a role Shemiras Einayim plays here, we tend to look at "kosher" women, and not realize that we are just filling ourselves up with lust. therefore we have to implement ablsolute shemiras einayim, no looking at women whatsoever, anywhere! it has made a HUGE difference for me, (and obviously for alexeliezer also)
I wish you lot's of hatzlacha!!

shcoiach for your response. I have taken on a renewed effort to control my eyes and not let them wander. I have decided that this will be the only way forward.
May Hashem help all of us!!

bochur613 wrote:


You said it best. If you're stumbling every day, then no, you can't last like that for very long. As the chevra has already suggested, the only way to succeed is to avoid stumbling. Avoid the fight. Avoid stepping into the ring with an opponent who beats you every time you fight him. DON'T FIGHT HIM. Stay away! Then you're not dangling from the ropes waiting to fall. You're walking around like a mentsch!

For some reason over shabbos I was having serious problems. The yetzer hora was pulling me to the ground. As soon as Shabbos went out I knew I would need to keep myself busy or else I would fall. I did this Baruch Hashem! and I managed to remain clean B"H. Sunday morning it came back and this time with extra heat. I've managed nearly 2 weeks and fallen only once in the last month. I know that really I fell this morning as I write this, but my conscience and my mind is for some reason telling me that I didnt and that if I continue the fall will go away, but I know this is not true.
Can someone try to explain/help me?

Im confused chabibi. You fell this morning or you didn't?

Baruch Hashem i've had a great kosher pesach!
When I say kosher i mean clean from chometz of all types, but it hasn't necessarily been easy.
I want to tell you guys what happened yesterday.
As the days started getting longer I was doing more lazing around which is not good anytime but especially not on yom tov. I was feeling down and was thinking how it's not worth working so hard and then to still have the ability to fall, the usual depressing Yetzer Hora thought processes which entangle someone into falling and feeling that they are worthless.I was pretty sure that after yom tov I wouldn't hold on and was even looking around for things to look at. (The idea of doing that sickens me, but hey so do all these actions and they help me realise how low those actions are.) a couple of hours before yom tov went out I went to a neilas hachag at a friends house. Quite a few friends were there and some bochurim who were from out of town. We sang a few songs, and I felt that I wasn't supposed to be there I felt like I wasn't deserving to be sitting there with all these guys. One of the 'out of towners' spoke he told us how at a young age his mother had died and he had become frummer, whereas the opposite had occured to the rest of his family. Another had a similar story of how he became frum from nothing. The idea of the evening was to show how behind each 'normal' person lies an incredible story and journey. I get emotional pretty quickly and their stories left me in tears. They made me realise how lucky I was to be put in the position I am without any of the problems that they faced in order to get to where they have come.
Looking at all the bochurim there I thought to myself I can choose two paths; one where I try to hold on to Hashems hand and he guides me into what I have the potential to become or I can forget it all and leave everything I learned and not struggle against the yetzer hora. At this stage in my life that is the choice I have, a fork lies in front of me. When I thought to myself which one would be able to help influence others to do good the choice was obvious. One of the speakers said how he fought with the knowledge that it would make his parents and grandparents proud when they would finally understand what is right and wrong. Do I really want to do something which would hurt my parents and grandparents if they saw what i've become? Or do I want them to be proud of what I am. This is the whole reason that Hashem gives us parents. Hashem is a partner with them and He too wants to be proud of us, but our parents are more tangible and do not require the bitachon that is needed to do it all to make Hashem proud.
Today I feel happy and can say with 100% certainty that when you are happy anyone and I mean anyone can do anything that they truly want to!!

So be happy and know that you can acheive and that everyone will be so proud of you including most importantly Our Father In Heaven who always wants good from us, we just need to reach out and take his hand.

Sounds like you have good motivation.
I hope you also have a plan in place for avoiding the things that lead down the wrong path.

What type of things do you mean by that?

He probably means TaPhSiC type things.

that too, though i think he means this specifically

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3744.msg102784#msg102784

guardyoureyes.com/forum/13-BEIS-HAMEDRASH/103011-Using-the-Pesach-Seder--the-Arizals-4-step-program-to-break-free#203661