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Dms1234's story
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TOPIC: Dms1234's story 74572 Views

Re: Dms1234's story 04 May 2016 01:25 #286570

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Try watching the news for a few minutes-you won't need to watch anything else-there simply is nothing worth watching -the values, language, etc just are beyond what any Ben Torah would and could consider appropriate.

Re: Dms1234's story 05 May 2016 17:32 #286796

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Not sure if the tapsic (is that how its spelled?) has been helping. One hand i have been doing well but on the other hand a couple days ago i felt the tapsic was so restrictive as I wanted to watch sports (its a good time to be a sports fan right now) Not really sure what to do but thankfully i watched only a bit of a movie the whole week. Albeit the part i watched had a bad scene but BH. I think tapsics could work for some people and it has worked for me in the past and possibly now too. I definetly know it is not the answer. Its a tool, a preventative tool not a proactive tool of recovery kind of like a filter. Its great for helping us but we can not rely on a filter or a tapsic. It fixes up the problem but its not a solution. This is my experience of course, others may differ.

In any case I have realized like i have realized when i first started becoming frum that a tv in the house is a no no. Not just the lust is potentially can cause, but the utter waste of time it blows. Unfortunately, i am not going back to yeshiva at the start of the zman so i haven't "escaped" yet. Anyhow BH, this Bein hazmanim has been going MUCH better than sukkos. I am still really bored even though i have plenty to do. But there is no reason to give up. Today is a different day then yesterday. No matter what yesterday brought, today is a brand new opportunity. 

In the past while, I have learned that no matter what happens just keep going viter. If I slip or even fall just keep doing what i am doing. I gotta plan and I just need to stick with it even though it seems that my whole world is tumbling down and i want to seep into a deep, dark hole of depression. Viter, viter, just keep going viter. Recovery takes a heck of a lot of patience and if i think i am just going to recover, i am fooling myself. I just gotta take a deep breath and keep on moving those baby steps. 

Thank for letting me ramble! 
 
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Dms1234's story 06 May 2016 21:10 #287026

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dms1234 wrote on 05 May 2016 17:32:


Thank for letting me ramble!  

Hey, it's your party... But I enjoyed reading
 

Re: Dms1234's story 12 May 2016 03:30 #287577

  • dms1234
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Tapsic did not work. Not at all. The problem is that a Tapsic is an internal commitment to one self that they will not commit an act with a penalty or a prospective reward or even swearing in Hashem's name. 

In my opinion, when has an internal commitment stopped me from doing anything. Has that helped at all say in preventing me from watching shmutz, touching myself or glancing (Read: staring) at pretty women in the street. NO!!!! 

2+2=4 and for me with all the other internal commitments I have sworn to myself (ie: "i will never do it again," "this is my last time," and "Never again"), that have miserably failed, I personally think that another internal commitment will not help me.

What will help me? Getting back to the basics like honesty with another person which I have done and I will hopefully keep doing. And hopefully that other person will help me be honest with myself, with others and the One above. 

I had a fall last night but i am going vitre. I was honest to another person. Going forward i must remember to take a deep breathe and take it one day at a time.
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Dms1234's story 12 May 2016 17:46 #287637

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You have my number. Please use it instead of forcing me back onto the forum to respond to you. 
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Dms1234's story 12 May 2016 20:09 #287654

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I am sorry that i am forcing you back into recovery. You know some people care about your wellbeing, 
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Dms1234's story 12 May 2016 21:57 #287662

  • cordnoy
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dms1234 wrote on 12 May 2016 20:09:
I am sorry that i am forcing you back into recovery. You know some people care about your wellbeing, 

For some people, this forum is not on top of the list for recovery tools.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Dms1234's story 13 May 2016 21:43 #287761

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Hi DMS

You're a good man. When you coming over for a Shabbos Seuda?
?דער באשעפער לאווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאוו איך עהם
My Creator loves me at all times. How great is my love for him?

Re: Dms1234's story 22 May 2017 23:03 #313882

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Hi Everyone! I have no idea if anyone was here when i was active but just wanted to give everyone an update. 

About a year ago. June 18th I masturbated on shabbos (a red line for me) friday night while fantasizing about my cousin in my family's home. My head was spinning and i had enough. I didn't want to masturbate. I decided that i would tell my rabbi and he told me to go to SA. 

So i did. I have been sober since. I haven't masturbated once. 

I go to meetings, I have a sponsor, i speak to people regularly. I work the steps. This isn't meant to be an SA ad but it really helped me.

I am not a low bottom. In fact i have never had sex. Never went to a prostitute or massage parlour. But i struggle with masturbation, fantasy, pornography. 

I realized that my coping mechanism was lust and now that I am off lust i am working on my character defects instead of facing them. For example, I feel worthless. I bash my self that i can't do anything or that this project won't be good. Its almost all subconscious but thats how i feel a lot. 

Thank God, i am growing and i am grateful to GYE and SA for helping me along the way!
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 

Re: Dms1234's story 22 May 2017 23:44 #313887

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That's one way to get me to post durin' a busy day.

A blast from the past!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Dms1234's story 23 May 2017 02:00 #313891

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Welcome back. Your story shows the oilam it can be done. Continued hatzlocha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Dms1234's story 23 May 2017 05:20 #313901

  • Bigmoish
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Wow. Great to hear from you again.
FAQ's (Great for newcomers!!!)
Handbook | Skep's Tips
My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!

Re: Dms1234's story 24 May 2017 01:37 #313986

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Much Hatsalacha in your Journey! I can identify with everithing you said. Hashem watches us and gives us back even for only trying.

Re: Dms1234's story 24 May 2017 23:08 #314078

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Who lets these cane-walking guys back?
Away for years and then he tells us what he's been doing!?
I guess it's good for him that he stayed away.
At least, he was accomplishing something; unlike me, who's still typing and struggling away.
Meetings! Hmmmm....those are good.
Should probably go back again.
Take care Mr. Count
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: Dms1234's story 05 Jun 2017 18:51 #314691

  • dms1234
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Thank God for honesty with my sponsor. Thank God for honesty with myself. 

I need to be truly honest. If i am not then i will start slipping. I need to be honest about how powerless I am over lust and how much i need to work the steps. I think I can do whatever i want and everything will be ok. That I am the master of the world. But that is not true. God runs the world. Truly not so pashut for me.

I need to lower my ego and listen to others, God and really to myself. What should i be doing right now? What does God want me doing right now? 

Please God, I ask you to point me in the direction you want me to go. I ask for the right thought and the right action. 
I am happy to speak on the phone. Please email me at dms1234ongye@gmail.com

My name is Daniel, I go to face to face meetings and I work the 12 steps with a sponsor. 
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