Hi,I was recently made aware of this sight by a friend in passing.
I spent many hours poring over the many interesting posts on this website.
Until now I have been hopelessly lost to "lust" for 20 years.I felt that it was beyond my capabilities to ever stop and get this under control.Recently I have been working extremely hard on my marriage,through counseling,and my need to stop this addiction became crystal clear to me,If I discontinued my relationship with my other lover "lust addiction" I could definitely have a shot to bring my sholom bayis to the next level.
After seeing here how so many people have gotten this addiction under control, I said to myself"if they did it than I definitely can or at least have to try".
I have been clean for 4 days now and I could really use some chizzuk and direction in how to keep it that way...today i am burning with the desire to quit but i realize that this may be just the strength that comes with a new endeavor..and I know that this is a difficult road on which i will never make it alone.

In recent months i have come to the realization that the path I am on will defenitely destroy my marriage,my relationship with my children and entire family,and probably my health and my sanity.

So anyone out there who feels they can help me out ,please help me!
Olamhabahnik.

Hi and welcome.

1. Keep the momentum going.
You have 4 days behind you of doing the right thing. Don't give the temptations too much thought - try to dismiss them as soon as they enter your mind. You're happier without the garbage and you are too painfully aware of the pitfalls of giving into it.

2. Continue working on your relationship with your wife.
Happier wife, happier life, they say. The happier you are, the easier it will be to keep this at bay. Temptation usually tempts us when we're feeling down.

3. Find someone you can discuss your progress with.

Hatzlacha!

WELCOME OOH (OnlyOlamHabah ),

It seems that you are on your way already. Have you read the handbook? There are lots of great ideas and suggestions there. Posting, and reading posts, can also be very helpful.

Glad you joined us!

Welcome.

I too have been struggling with this menace for more than 20 years.

I'm also struggling for more than 20 years

You are no alone chaver.

Eli

hi! welcome!
bonjour! Shalom!
four days is great! why your already on the 90 day chart!
keep it up man!

Thanks to all who responded,It gives me a lot of chizuk to know that I have "brothers in arms" in this battle against "lust". So far I have been clean for 6 days! I am talking to someone daily on many topics about my life..from my relationship to G-D to how my kids annoy me to marriage advice,without him I would be completely lost,and I would never have discovered or dealt with the root problems that cause me to fall.In my case I act out to repress and get away from all the negative emotions in my head.From my unhappiness with my ADD,my childhood,my family situation with difficult children who need tons of therapies, my anger at G-D for making my life so difficult,and my difficulty in having a close relationship with my wife.I am learning techniques to deal with all of the above and more.By not letting my problems upset me I believe my fight agains "lust" will be much easier because I wont be seeking so desperately to escape and numb my feelings from all of my problems.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation and can they offer me any advice?
I am a "newbie" to being clean and I want to keep it that way, any advice will be much appreciated.
onlyolamhabah

Sounds like you're on the right track! Keep it up!

One bit of advice I can give you is to never believe you've finally beat the yetzer harah. It's a common trap set up by the yetzer harah designed to taunt you to prove it. You don't need to prove it. Just keep doing what you're doing.

onlyolamamhabah wrote:


Welcome! Stay a while.
My addiction ran my life for 30 years before I found this site.
Here's what has worked for me:

1) Extreme shmiras eynayim. This is the area over which we have the most control. This is also the area where we take frequent hits of the lust drug. So I don't look at women unless absolutely necessary. That means no movies, no TV, no magazines or newspapers (and of course no surfing news sites, etc). It doesn't make any difference if she's tznius or not. I can't look at her face. Not even ugly ones. I don't even check out my own wife. She's not my personal lust object (although she was). I do look at her face. Sounds extreme? That's the idea! I find that if my shmiras eynayim is good, everything else falls in to place. If I slip a little in this area, the battle is back on. I also didn't let myself be alone with a computer.

2) Shmiras hamachshava (guarding my thoughts). Fantasies and mental images were a major challenge for me (still can be at times). This is actually how I knew there was something wrong with me. I would have the sickest thoughts at the most inappropriate times. What works for me in this area is immediate deflection with tefilla. As soon as I detect a fantasy or image trying to take a seat in my mind, I immediately start davening. This is my tefilla (based on the Steps):

Ribono Shel Olam, I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable.
Only You can restore me to sanity.
I turn my life and my lust over to your care and ask you to please heal me from this illness of lust. I don’t want to lust. I only want You and a relationship with You and your Torah, and appropriate attraction and interaction with my wife. I surrender my lust to you. Please take my lust.

I would say this tefilla dozens of times a day. I still say it. Each and every time an image or fantasy tried to take hold. Stubbornly refusing to go there and begging for heavenly help.

I later learned to work on the character flaws that perpetuate the addiction. It sounds like resentment is an issue for you. Resentment is a classic trigger for many addictions, and certainly this one. So are boredom, anger, loneliness, and travel.

Make your recovery your number one priority. Commit fully to doing what it takes, and do it.

Hatzlocha!
Alex

Hi OOH,

Alex said it very well. You seem to have discovered what 12 steppers call RID (Restlessness, Irratibility, and Discontent). That is often the trigger. Leading a more calm/serene life, based on trust in G-d and letting go of our ego, get at the root of the problem.

You are definitely on the right track!

Keep it up!

onlyolamamhabah wrote:

wow reading this feels like im reading about myself (except im single) i can definitely relate to the feelings. the only thing ive had work for me is to remind myself that my thoughts stemming from my negative emotions are false and not to fight them but try to ignore them completely. having constructive things to do/learn gives me something to focus on