Hey!

This is my first time on this site, and my name is Eli.

I have been struggling with Pgam Habris for many years now! and it really is destroying my life!
I manage to stay clean for a few days, sometimes even a week but then I just fall again!
I have a filter on my computer, but I always seem to get around it even by typing in certain keywords!

I think all I need in my struggle to become pure and clean, is people to speak to especially when I think I am about to fall, or to help other people even if they just need some company.


I wonder if anyone uses this site? It is quite extreme, but is the information true?

www.briskodesh.org/pages/bris/shomer-advice.htm

or this site:
www.truekabbalah.org/pages/tikunbris.htm

newbeginning wrote:


Wow, scary stuff.

Does that help you, being scared out your wits?

Yeah it kinda does, because I realize the severity of the sin, however as I am sinning i completely ignore everything I have read, most likely my YH telling me it is all a load of nonsense.
Then after I have fallen, I become depressed and read more and more information about shomer habris.

Well then you are in a bit of a spin, because every time you fall you get depressed by knowing how grave the sin is, which then to release the depression you masturbate etc.
Maybe (I can imagine Dov would agree with me) just focus on how you are not living a mentally healthy life by chasing girls and pornography etc. And stop focusing on how BAD you are for Pgam Bris because that brings the depression.
My advice is to not read that website even though it may be all true. The website is made for normal people and who can control their urges. But for addicts or close to addicts it won't help and can very well be counterproductive.

Yitzchok

newbeginning wrote:


Ok, that WAS extreme.

I agree with Yitzchok (jewish jew), that stuff is for non addicts. It will only get you depressed. You should start using GYE.

Welcome!!

newbeginning wrote:


Okay, so it does not help you stop. It helps you save your self-esteem afterwards because you beat yourself up and that means that deep down you are a tzadik.

In your recovery do you want to reinforce the belief that you have a choice or that you don't and that Hashem can save you from sin?

Dear Eli,

If you are still trying to stop, then you still believe that you may become able to stop if you just try hard enough by reading the right website or learn the right dvar Torah, etc. And that is fine - and you may be 100% correct. But when you say "yeah, it kind of does [help me stop]," what do you mean by "kind of"?

Do you look at porn less often this way? If so, that's great. Do you masturbate yourself less often this way? If so, that's great!

But you wrote that your habit is "ruining your life." If you clarified what you mean by that it would help get clearer where you are holding and perhaps even what help you may gain from.

Care to share a bit more? We don't bite.

Thank you to everyone who replied!

I really appreciate it, I haven't been on GYE in many months, and during these many months I have fallen again and again!

I have heard that this is a great website: www.webchaver.org/index.php
However no one close to me knows about my addction and I am only 16 but it is destroying my life slowly but surely!

I wondered if any one would be kind enough to be my mentor who I would speak to maybe once or twice a week or whenever they want.And also if they could be my Chaver.
I have realized that I cannot get through this on my own.

Thank you so much!

Welcome Rabbi NewBeginning, it's snowing outside now where I am, and though I can't help you with webchaver, I can definitely wish you a fresh new beginning. White and untouched like the pristine snow right outside of my window.

TZ, you made me think of something....

Im Yihyu Chatoeichem KaSHONIM Kasheleg Yalbinu...

Even if you have sinned for YEARS, you can still become pure like new snow!!!!

Let your kedusha melt the ice,

let go of the YH, tell him he's not welcome anymore.

newbeginning wrote:


I suppose you got some PM responses to your request for mentors/ friends who will make themselves available for u to call a few times a week. No?

Regardless, you wrote that "this problem is destroying [your] life slowly but surely."

Aside from a very distressing failure at being a good religious fanatic, can you please explain in any practical or real spiritual terms, exactly what ways this problem is destroying anything in your life?

I am asking you - not challenging your words. And I am asking for you, not for me.

Hatzlocha!

- Dov

It is ruining my life because I realize the seriousness of the sin and everytime I fall, I feel depressed upset and low.
It is also ruining my academic studies as I can never focus on anything as most of the time I am thinking about inappropriate things.

Also I felt like I needed to fall before, because over the course of the day I have heard people talking about inappropriate explicit stuff (In school) and actually one of the people was on my bus home which started a series of imaginations... I feel sick, fed up of myself feeling this way! I am actually disgusted in my ways, I just hope I don't succumb to the Y#H this evening...

try making a Taphsic neder for one night....

Yes it is a sin. But you are making yourself crazy over it and blaming the yetzer hora, which is essentially blaming Hashem for your troubles. This is not a game to see if you will withstand it. Hashem is not a mean entity up there taking score and then sending you off to gehinom or the kaf hakeleh after punishing you here as much as He can get away with, chaver. Sorry. This is absurd. Your entire focus on the struggle is absurd. And you would do a lot better if you calmed down about it, opened up to a trusted rebbi, parent, or (frum) shrink about it in detail, and learned how to live with a penis, an imagination, and a yetzer hora. It is not impossible...and you will not do it perfectly. Looking at websites like the ones you quoted are just ways that people make others as meshugah about this issue as they are themselves. Those sites and sforim are 100% fine for people who are basically in control of their desires. But the Reishis Chochma and Yesod Yosef were not writing for American boys living in times like ours. They were writing for the upper crust of the Jewish world - in the 1500's!
Just as the Gemorah says bad stuff about people who paskem from mishanyos (very bad things), the same applies to ppl who 'pasken' where they should be holding in these issues based on what was written in the 1500's. Sorry - but the 1500s was a time in which everybody believed in a G-d and were aware of a G-d - even the goyim did. It was a time when people generally did not dress, think, and have priorities as we do today. Even most of the goyim then were not nearly as self-centered and pleasure-dependent as we frum yidden are today. We can't even imagine surviving without air conditioning for a week in the summer!

Learn how to accept your imperfection and live as a frum yid. You are for the most part a good young man, and a good frum yid. Your heart is at least in the right place, most of the time. This is a great thing.

Learn how to protect yourself from the things that you obviously cannot handle well, and don't let your past weight you down or pull you into obsession, as it does so many others.

Hatzlocha, sweet chaver!