jewish jew I guess you are right many balei averious became big!

And no I dont want to be a talmid chochm so all could call me that I want to know if I can be a gaon like the Gedolim

Well if that is the question then why not?? unless you do not have enough confidence and self belief.
But the sex problem has nothing to do with it, it is impossible for a sex addict or even someone who is not a sex addict but is a heavy luster to become a Gadol whilst still lusting and dreaming about it a lot and that is because you need to have a very stable mind and a very clear thought to answer questions that have a lot of consequences and details.
But someone who is still knee deep in porn and masturbation is always unstable and unclear in his thoughts and that is because
1. When the lusting starts you are locked into it until you release
2. After you masturbate or watch porn you are full of regret and depression. How can someone like that be with a clear and stable mind??

So just get to work in getting sober if you want to get anywhere in life let alone a Godal. Yitzchok(still convinced that all I want to be is a simple SOBER person)

lipa.bob wrote on 18 Nov 2012 16:35:


In other words you want it so you can be worthwhile.

lipa.bob wrote on 18 Nov 2012 04:28:
OK...so I am real dumb, I guess. It seems that all you are asking and trying to clarify is this:

"Have my sins messed me up so badly that I cannot become the gadol hador - or a gadol?"

To that I will say two things:

Since when does doing horrible avaeiros - including porn, masturbation, prostitutes, exposing one's self, or anything else - prevent you or anybody from becoming a kadosh and tahor, or from becoming a gadol hador? Of course you can accomplish the highest of heights! I do not even understand the havah aminah. Is it an ego thing - like, "Oy, there is this stain on me now, so how can I?" That's immature self-absorption, nothing else. So...if that's a guys big worry, then I'd say takeh he needs to grow up a bit forst - he needs to think like a gadol, not a koton. Self-absorption - even for Torah - is not the path to gadlus, but katnus. Boruch Hashem I have been around some great roshei yeshivah who taught me that and I try to live it one day at a time.

And nothing I have posted thus far argued with this, at all.

The second thing I need to admit is that I did not get you right, so sorry! Do you mean that you are free to stop masturbating yourself or looking at schmutz or whatever it is that you are doing? If you really can stop, then what are we talking about here with addiction - you are clearly not an addict, at all!

Perhaps you have been sold on the idea that some say here and is implied in the GYE Handbook, that any guy who has looked at porn or engaged in any compulsive sexual behavior is an addict. So is that why you are asking? Because someone told you that if you got into the habit, you cannot stop and are an addict?

Gevalt! That's silly. There are plenty people every day who stop smoking. There are surely also many people of all walks of life who have discovered how nice porn feels and how it feels to masturbate, etc., who do not generally do it any more. They may once in a blue moon, but it is certainly no longer part of their lifestyle, any more.

So. Do we understand each other yet? If I am still missing the boat please help me understand, unless you have made up your mind that I have nothing of value to share with you. In that case, it's fine w/me. I was just trying to help, chaver. Hashem is so good, He will help you reach your tachlis - no question.

- Dov

Hi there Reb Dov and the rest of the olam!
Off Shabbos!
Thanks for understanding my question and thanks for you answer!
The problem is that when I loook at all those Rosh Yesivos who are my mentors I feel like--they never went through what I did..so I cant be like them....

lipa.bob wrote:


Can you even describe what they are like accurately enough to ever be like them? You would have to know deep inside, wouldn't you? How many people know you that well? And what if you never become like them?

lipa.bob wrote:

Dear lipa.bob,

Wow. I really wrote my heart out to you a few times about this very issue. It is still your view that you must become like them. Instead of repeating myself, I hope that if you have not read what I wrote, you take a look through it one more time. But I think you are ignoring whatever really touches close the issue for you. There is a wall somewhere. You simply demand something, interpret the schmoozes you have heard and the message you have gotten till now as supporting your spiritual life-demands from G-d, and you are saying in the above post that you are therefore still dissatisfied.

I have two questions for you:

1- Are you still using porn or masturbating yourself on a regular or semi-regular basis? If you are, then there may be no sense discussing this "Oy, I can't be like the Rosh Yeshivah," problem. For it may just be a distraction or coping mechanism for you. Many people get fixated about a particular problem simply because it can become their focus and help them never face the real issues they have - the more painful and frightening ones. And to be honest, if you are still porning and/or masturbating, that would veiter not likely be your real life-problem, either - but also just a coping mechanism! For as the AA's say, alcoholism is not our disease - but rather, it is but a symptom of our disease. The real disease is a failure to face or accept real life/G-d/people and be honest with ourselves. Life without our drinking/porning/masturbating is just too ugly, frightening, or boring to tolerate.

So, plain and simple - and I am asking only for you to answer to yourself: are you clean recently, chaver, or not?

and

2- You will of course never be 'like your rosh Yeshivahs'. The best you will ever achieve is to be like [b]you[/b] - as Hashem wills you and helps you to become. If that sounds like cute semantics, then you miss the point. And if you understand it but are still unable to accept it, then I have nothing to say to help. For in this you are no different than anyone else. And being bound by the same rules as everyone else is just too hard for some of us to accept.

Hatzlocha!

Gut Voch and a Frelichen Chanukka!
First of all I saw how much Mesirous Nefesh you put in to answer so I of corse had looked at all you had wrote!

Secondly, Since I was not interested writing it, but when I know you don't know me I will say it. You probably think I learn like 3 or 4 hours a day. I actually learn approx. 9 hours a day and I am in one of the top yeshivos in the United States that if I told you the name you would know it and its Rosh Yeshiva who is a noted Gadol! I at first thought it would be proper for me to be on here but I had no other choice.

I think you didn't chap at all what I was asking--I want to shteig and be a great Talmid Chochom..but I feel like I will never get there because I think that all our big men have never sinned like I did!

Dear chaver,

I always did assume that you learned at least that much, actually. For it's not relevant to me, as I know quite a few kolel guys who learn more than you do and still go out to have porn time on a computer at night and some who even went from the beis hamidrash to home and then to a prostitute before going back home to bed. And some are probably in your yeshivah! You may assume they are far below you in quality - but may be wrong there...I do not know and neither do you. And that's OK.

So. 1) Are you clean lately, or not? Did you at least answer than question to yourself?

and

2) I did chap your question - though it is not a question but more of a statement. And who can you ask here on the forum such a question to? Who are we? Philosophers? Gedolim? No, we are neither.

So you are a good Jew! And I suggest to you to look good and hard at your question and ask yourself based on what i just wrote you tonight:

"Am I really asking for an answer - or am I just whining?" I believe it is not a question, but a sincere "oy vei iz mir," that's all.

It's time to learn now. Atoh bosi, as the malach told Yehoshua. He was speaking to you, too, and not saying "why are you not a gadol?!" He was saying NOW is always the time to learn, and never the time to worry and whine. Pouring time and heart wondering about our limitations - is self-centered, has nothing to do with G-d or this life, and is a luxury you and I can indulge in when we are in the kever. Not now.

Just do it.

.

.

WSMNB that post with the moshel of a guy on his death bed is beautiful.

Yitzchok