Hi there!
I am a bochur at one of the top Mesivtas in America (b''h) which makes me feel real bad about my actions! I started acting bad since I was in 7th Grade by watching swimsuit stuff...then at 9th grade I started with masturbation and watching serious bad stuff.

Last year I signed up to GYE emails which helped me a little but tat wasn't enough because i kept going in my bad ways. Finally today I signed up with K9 on our computer, joined the sponsor/partner program and signed up to the forum. I still keep doing bad stuff but b''h stuff aren't as bad as they were!

As I mentioned being a bocur who is involved with such things makes me feel really bad and I need a aliment for that...and that's what I need you guys for!

When you feel bad just remind yourself that feeling guilty doesn't make you a better yid.

nederman wrote on 10 Oct 2012 07:05:

Ya you are right but a yeshiva guy who learns lots b''h should be doing such things???!

The guilt feeling is an attempt to view yourself as still on a high madreiga. "I can't believe I did that." If you are not honest with yourself about the benefits of doing the averah you are going to repeat it.

Welcome!

I agree with the above. Guilt is not helpful. I felt guilty and carried on acting out for 30 years. Guilt-ridden after each session. The guilt lets up just in time to act out again.

Guilt is your neshama telling you you need to stop doing something.
So now you need a plan. Sounds like you've taken some real steps.
Commit to living without your fix. One day at a time.
Guard your mind from thoughts that take you anywhere near it.
Guard your eyes in all settings.
Spend time talking with friends and family. Real people.
Exercise or at least play a sport.
Enjoy life. Not just learning. All of life.

Being involved here can also be helpful. Feel free to post anytime, and on anyone's thread. We can all use chizuk.

Hatzlocha!

Alex

Great step forward, lipa.bob!

Thanks for all the support but there is really one thing thats bothering me to no end and thats the following: The Gra saids that everyone has a chance to become a gadol a talmid chochom if he really wants to-I understand that, but a boucur who watches po*n and masturblates and does other grave sins can turn out to be a talmid chochom or a gaon PLEASE help me with this concept!
May hashem bless you all with alot of hatzlacha and good!

Look at Raish Lokish

Raish Lokish was so "messed up" that when the R' Yochanan (presumably on of the the greatest of his time) told him to learn Torah, the only thing he could think of saying was "y'faich l'nashi" - (paraphrased) you're so beautiful you should have been a woman

I hope you take this the way it is intended and not in any way as criticism - it can't be criticism, for I have done at least as horrid things as you and so I have no one to criticize here...but here goes. An answer to your "problem", be"H:

You are saying that you can't succeed in becoming a gadol baTorah once you have used porn and masturbated yourself, right? OK. I will not get into chizzuk, arguing with your premise or what the concept really means. I will accept it 100% as you describe it. And here then, may be the choice for you in this lifetime:

Be a sober, regular, Jew.

Why is that unacceptable to you?

Regular Jews can learn Torah, can save the world with their mitzvos, can love Hashem to pieces, and can be Hashem's special beloved. This is obvious.

Why is that unacceptable to you?

Dear Rabbi Dov,
I dont know who you are personally but oneI do know about you is that you are a Jew with a good heart! I see that the whole day you are helping falled yidden and praised are you for that, but I must disagree with you here the gedolim of every generation say its a choeva to want to become a gadol batorah not for kavod etc. but because being a gadol batorah is what Hashem wants!

As I mentioned above, look at Raish Lokish.
It is possible for a baal teshuva to achieve great heights in learning.
It may be difficult for you to imagine yourself really being a gadol batorah because right now you are steeped in dvarim asurim that take us far from Hashem and His torah. You may be having difficulty imagining yourself truly free of this, truly moving past it.
My friend, you can. It will take much work, especially in the beginning. But once you truly put this stuff behind you, you will soar. This will no longer weigh you down or hold you back.

Stop looking for reasons to be depressed or negative. This is just a trick of the Y"H, telling you maybe it's not worth it because what is my potential now anyway. Nonsense! This is the power of teshuva, to wipe clean the neshama so it can achieve its full potential.

Shteig on!

My dear friend welcome to GYE.
I must tell you that being a gadol means you first have to be a katan, and we who are caught up in lust and doing some of the worst 'aveirot' (you shouldn't do it even if it wasn't an aveirah but that's a dif discussion) we have to first have priority number one has to be becoming a healthy human being who can properly take care of his family and be a responsible adult in society, if we don't fix the problem forget about gadol forget about everything because there's really no limit to how far a person can get messed up from this. Ask the guys here read the stories. If your still worrying about being a gadol, ya sure you should want that but your really underestimating the situation, the focus has to be getting better. Fix yourself and that is gadlut. Oh and by the way you're be surprised how great you can become by "just" keeping Torah and mitzvot of
Hatzlacha

Lipa, what the oilam is trying to say is:
There is more to being a Gadol BaTorah than being Gadol in just Torah.
First you have to be Enosh BeAlma, a person in Olam HaZeh. A person in Olam HaZeh is drawn to women, and to many other Havalim. A person in Olam HaZeh makes choices, these choices can lead him up [towards Gadol BaTorah] or shlep him down [towards, never mind].
An addict, is not a person in Olam HaZeh. He has a huge blown up ego that tells him he's up "on top" so how does he cope with being up on top [it's hard work being a Gadol]?
He finds a drug. be it alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, chocolate, or lust. or lust. or lust.
Now, since he's up on top, it hurts him to percieve himself as being down on the bottom, which inevitably leads to more self pleasuring. whatever, i'm not very good at explaining, try to understand what i'm saying:

GADOL BATORAH IS IMPORTANT
JUDAISM IS MORE THAN IMPORTANT
BEING A "PERSON" IS FAR FAR MORE IMPORTANT
BECUSE ONLY "PEOPLE" CAN BE JEWS

SO WE STICK AROUND HERE
NOTICE THAT WE AREN'T PEOPLEOR HAVEN'T BEEN FOR A WHILE
AND TRY TO WORK ON RECOVERY

see the last issue of Binah pg. 30.

lipa.bob wrote on 12 Oct 2012 05:13:


You are pretty bright. I think you are asking how can I be able to become a gadol batorah if I am a sex addict. Is the talmud really right that everyone has a choice to be tzadik or rasha?