I joined this site because I am having a very rough time battling my homosexuality. I am a 21 year old boy and want to move on in life to get married and have children so i guess I first gotta stop my MB addiction then work on getting rid of my attraction to other males. It is indeed a very hard test and struggle but I know that Hashem only gives people tests they can handle and overcome. I know that one day this will alll be a thing of my past. If anyone has any suggestions or also suffers from this please feel free to email or chat with me about it I get a chizuk and I feel good trying to help others.

ALSO WHAT IS THE POINT OF ROLLING THE DICE IN CHAT ROOM???

I have been doing cognitive therapy and I can warmly recommend "Feeling Good" by David Burns.

I think you should not be concerned about getting rid of your attraction to men. You have it. If it were never possible for a man to be attracted to a man then homosexuality would not be a sin. But you can choose not to pursue it. And you can stop looking or thinking about men by thinking to yourself "I am attracted to that man but I am interested in having a family more that in gay sex, this will make me happier in the long term." And you also have to take action on your long-term plan, so that you see the results of your efforts. It might also help to sit down once a day and picture yourself with a beautiful family, to help you stay the course.

That's my two cents.

nederman wrote on 09 Aug 2012 09:24:

Sory but you're wrong.
תלמוד בבלי מסכת מכות דף כג עמוד ב

...ר"ש בר רבי אומר, הרי הוא אומר: רק חזק לבלתי אכול (את) הדם כי הדם הוא הנפש וגו', ומה אם הדם שנפשו של אדם קצה ממנו - הפורש ממנו מקבל שכר

But there are some people who do drink blood too... So the Gemora is obviously talking about the average person.

I guess I can leave it to some undercover rosh yeshiva here to address the gemara better than I can. My point is not really a religious one. One is either attracted or he is not attracted. Pretending doesn't change the fact.

Like you said. We can't choose who we are attracted to. We can only choose whether we act on it. And lust is lust, whatever flavor.

But at the same time I find the Gemara that TZ quoted to be a source of inspiration. I'll quote something similar that I wrote a buddy in a PM recently:

I try to look at the bright side. In a way i have a zechus that few people have. See the Rashi on "VoAvdil Eschem Min Hoamim" at the end of this week's parsha.

• ואבדל אתכם מן העמים להיות לי - אם אתם מובדלים מהם הרי אתם שלי ואם לאו הרי אתם של נבוכדנצר וחביריו, רבי אלעזר בן עזריה אומר מנין שלא יאמר אדם נפשי קצה בבשר חזיר אי אפשי ללבוש כלאים אבל יאמר אפשי ומה אעשה ואבי שבשמים גזר עלי ת"ל ואבדיל אתכם מן העמים להיות לי שתהא הבדלתכם מהם לשמי פורש מן העבירה ומקבל עליו עול מלכות שמים

You say אי אפשי, but I can say אפשי ומה אעשה ואבי שבשמים גזר עלי . And I can withold myself from the Aveira Lesheim Shomayim.

Yes, definitely.

However I do not believe that love of Hashem is going to be enough to motivate the average guy to spend every minute of his life disregarding his desire for men. I think the motivation has to be self-interest, I.e. I want a family, etc.

But when all is said and done he has more zechus than the average Joe.

My holy brother ur a holy yid don't let anyone throw Torah out there to bring u down Torah is meant to lift u up. Be happy u have a neshama I know it's hard in the beginning but do this maybe it will imagine winning the lottery how happy would u be. So when I get down I just imagine winning the lottery and I sing a song it goes bh bh bh. Bh and then I thank hashem for everything he gives me like my eyes my hands everything then I dance ivdu es hashem idk

Secondly my advice is to u that I once heard that people are born with certain natural traits like some have a hard time with arrogance they... U have this trait ur no diff than someone working on a diff character trait the stakes are higher with this which means u got a bigger neshama and hashem loves u more the places u could reach u cant imagine. Also I heard that to have a desire for man means it ur past life u had a free choice to go after woman but u went after a man now in this life u were given a desire for men now u have to fix it and that's ur tikun meaning don't feel bad bc u desire men, that's why ur here this is ur battle, if u wanna call it biological or u can call it ur tikun just know and believe ur gonna be so holy one day. Just talk to hashem when I fall right after i say to hashem I wanna be holy sorry for what I did please bring me back hashem is very patient with us, we have to be patient with ourselves and hashem. All my love holy brother be well all the best I will daven for u .

Check out the website Jonah might be able to help and you can always pm me if u want

Ez wrote on 14 Aug 2012 17:17:


this is pretty similar to my belief about homosexuality. (note, this is my personal belief and not necessarily based on halacha.)

our purpose in this world is to better our neshamos. hashem gives us tests in order for us to accomplish that. a person need not feel any more guilty for having homosexual thoughts than for having adulterous thoughts. for some people the test is an attraction to men, for others its an attraction to women other than their wife. both are similar tests, and most men will be tested by one or the other in their lifetime. there is a difference in that the condemnation for failing one of those tests is more severe than the other, but note that it is the FAILING of the test that is condemned, not the test itself. the torah doesnt condemn homosexual thoughts, only acting on them. the thoughts themselves are simply another test for people to go through, only negligibly different that any other similar test people go through.

Please clarify with your Rabbi. My understanding is that -
1. The Torah does not condemn homosexual thoughts that enter your mind unwillingly. but the Torah definitely condemns willfully dwelling on such thoughts.
2. One who willfully dwells on such thoughts stands a good chance that he will act on them.

MT

Machshovo wrote on 26 Nov 2012 15:17:


let me rephrase that. the Torah doesnt condemn you for being attracted to men. the Torah condemns acting on those attractions. (which could include dwelling on inciteful thoughts.)

OK, that's better. Now we're on the same page.

Hatzlacha

MT