Hi. I'm Mefatfait Biyitzro. I changed my name to Charlie.

I've been around almost half a year, have grown tremendously, but still can't manage to stay sober. Lately Iv'e been thinking that some added humility might be needed, I saw in 12&12 that humility is the yesod of all the 12 steps. How can I truly surrender my lust when I think that I am the "mefatfait beyitzro" of the century?

I want to work on listening and recieving advice more than giving over my wisdom, I'm a sick addict who desperately needs to get better.

Mazel tov on an important realization.
Keep coming back.
Mottel

You're a good man, Charlie! :D

Hi Charlie and good luck on your renewed journey.

About your 'humility' issue - reminds me of a story (or joke?): Once there was a bochur looking for a shidduch. He had "alleh mailos" except that he was a "baal gaivoh". So every shidduch that was proposed, he would turn down and say, "For a gelungeneh bochur like me, you redt such a plain shidduch?!"

So as he was growing older, with no shidduch good enough for him, a shadchan advised him, "You're a great guy, but you have one problem - you're too much a baal gaivoh. You need to work on your humility". The bochur realized that this was his problem, and agreed to work on it. For a couple of months he learned mussar and worked on his humility. Finally he decided he is humble enough to give it a try. So he went back to his favorite shadchan. He explained that he worked on his humility and is ready to hear a shidduch suggestion. So the shadchan figured, since he's now humble, I can redt him one of his old rejects and he may accept it this time.

But when the shadchan proposed that old shidduch, the bochur was highly insulted and said, "If I rejected this when I was not yet so perfect, now that in addition to all my mailos I'm also humble, this is what you suggest for me?!"

Nimshal: When working on our humility, we still need siyata dishmaya to have it work for us.

Hatzlacha

MT

Thanks, eveyone.

MT - nice mashal, nice chizuk.

It's unbelievable how much I rationalize my brains out. I can't really trust my own decisions even if it "feels right", I'm too twisted. And that's besides when I act out knowing it's wrong "but I just have to". What type of bologna is that "have to", but Hashem says I can't!

Quick Maareh Makom- I'll elaborate in a PM later, Bli neder:

Chapter on Lo Yiyeh in The Six Constant Mitzvos (Artscroll).
In E"Y, don't buy it. In the US, it's about $10 for the pocket one.
No need to buy it, I'll tell you what HaGaon Rav Berkowitz says, but I don't have time now.

Hatzlacha!
Meir

"but Hashem says I can't!"
True, and one day we should be zocheh that fear of heaven alone can stop us. In the meanwhile I try and remember, vividly how disgusting and horrible I feel after a fall and how I will again feel like that very soon if I act on my feelings. At that point I'll try and implement a fail-safe. Ex. I don't go on the same FLOOR as the computer.

I hope the latest realization helps you suceed!

And l'inyan rationalizing, I personally feel like when I have a test the yetzer offers me a pass to suspend rational thining, bc in my right mind I simply can't so in order to fall I have to NOT think and that is what the yetzer offers, the ruach shtut, the pass/ opening to allow us to fall.
I have a similar situation for the summer, I feel like I want myself to burn out and get depressed and then ill have a petach to act out, I want more to have a great summer and actually accomplish something and I'm not looking forward to the test, but my main strategy is to make a schedule to avoid the situation were I'm in "depressed-rationalize" mode, with extra chizuk prepared for days I know it'll be harder (ex. I look up what day I'm on and repeat it- I'm on day x! Common don't lose it now! Your doing great keep it up! I psych myself up like that)
Hatzlacha!

Thanks, JKG.

It sounds like your'e saying that rationalazation (sp.) is an excuse to turn of my brain and let go, wev'e gotta never stop thinking! Did I understand right?

I think this whole subject can be very usefull to discuss in our addiction forum over here, so much of our malady is this neurological/physoligical disorder which makes it so hard to face reality. The Y"H knows very well that if I admit powerlesness to him then he's almost beaten, he does everything he can to prevent that.

Charlie wrote on 17 Jul 2012 17:20:

Absolutely!

I think that the real issue is not a fancy disorder. Rather a restlessness, irritability, and discontent with life, otherwise known as RID. There could be different reasons why this happens, why are we so RID with life? So for most it could be a lack of feeling accomplished. Or no feeling of purpose. And for the rest who feel accomplishment and purpose and still fall it could be because they have some other issue. Ex. They never learnt how to cope with the frustrations of life. In the end of the day when were IN something we don't want to be distracted. A guy who is totally focused on his 4th quarter superbowl game doesn't want to hear about the electricity bill, he has no desire whatsoever! So too if were IN to LIFE we won't want to be bothered with distractions (escapes).
Thats how I understand what the very wise people here have to say on the topic

Nice. I don't either like or mean fancy names of disorders, I just like to say fancy words.....

So do I, I really like "Egad!" Because its so ridiculous

Sorry, I don't get it. What's "egad"?

emm... its a fancy expression for expressing things :o

cool.