Well,

I've been here before. Had to create a new username for technical reasons but that's obviously not the point.

A brief history and then hopefully this place will help me (and IY"H myself others later).

I am a Sexaholic. (would prefer to say pornaholic, but semantics). I discovered under my father's bed some 15-17 years ago. Even my mother had some material. They had videos. They didn't give me a whole lot of love, my parents, and I found an outlet. I blame them for the beginning. I blame myself for not catching In and out of therapy for 12 years for different reasons and now I finally know why despite marriage and two kids.

I'm now seeing a therapist for 7 weeks (and the costs are killing me), I've joined SA (started last week), rejoined GYE (today), and fell big time about an hour ago. Not a slip - a fall.

Sheesh.

I've installed K9 and Covenant Eyes. Still got around them so if a techie out there could give me a shout-out so I don't tell people how I did it. I'm also looking for a sponsor preferably someone I can call and drop one level of anonymity with a real name and a real voice.

I'm also considering an intensive outpatient program and I'm wondering if anyone knows how they work and what to do about kashrus and costs.

I felt so strong a week ago - committed - full of integrity and boom crash fall. I know a lot of my riggers but I have trouble fighting back. I've been neglecting responsibilities, but not totally, - I usually succeed at getting things done last minute. I've got way to much free time, but part of that is because I'm unemployed, and a college student. Despite learning - at last 2-3 hours a day I still feel like a shlub.

Blah - stream of conscious over. Any help is welcome.

Welcome (back) Yanky!

You've been here before so you know the drill. Handbooks, emails, Trucking, etc.

Hatzlacha and KOMT!!!!!

Gevura!

Nice to meet you Yanky

By your own report, you're a pretty hard-wired addict.
Joining SA sounds like the right thing for you. I'm not a member, but I hear that consistent and frequent attendance is important. Just met a woman (very pleasant and normal) who attends AA meetings 7 nights a week.

You mention you "know what your triggers are but have trouble fighting back."
I don't think we can fight against our triggers. Our only hope is to avoid them.
If they're external, we guard our eyes.
If they're fantasies, we daven for Hashem to remove our lust.
If they're mood-oriented (depression, boredom, resentment, disappointment, anger, irritation, failure, loneliness, etc.) that's what working the steps are for.

Hatzlocha in your new journey.

Alex

Can you gauge what brought about the fall? Idleness, feeling down, trigger?

HI yanky i just chatted a few minutes ago in the chat room ifyou would like we could set up a time once a wk or so that would work for both of us to chat and try to help each other i mean even over the phone I would just have to discuss it with my therapists first but im sure they'll be ok with it let me know... be in touch... all the best.