Hi,
This is my first time ever publicly writing about my problem. I am 21 years old and have been struggling tremendously for a really long time now. There are some times where I can stop for as long as 50 days, and then when i fall, i fall hard, and it becomes worse then before. I have broken shevua after shevua, and I feel horrible about it. I feel no relationship to Hashem. I really feel hopeless, but i want more then anything to be clean from this problem. I have spent all my life fighting so hard, just to fail and fail and fail again. some mornings i wake up and i feel depressed because of my problem, like Hashem does not love me. I just want be stronger to fight this but i dont know how though. This is my first time opening up to anyone at all about my problem, and i hope i can receive some feedback. Can anyone help?

Welcome RSO101,
It is not an accident that you find yourself here. It is Bezras Hashem, Hasgacha Pratis, call it what you want. And this is because Hashem loves you preciously. When you suffer, He suffers.

Every single one of us here understand the feeling that Hashem has left us because we are so pitiful and hopeless. You are not alone. And yes, it's true, we are pitiful and hopeless, affahr anachnu, without His help.

You say you want to be stronger to fight this tayvah. In a way we do have to find the strength. Clearly we don't have it, and must ask Him for it. At the same time we must acknowledge that whatever strength we do have is too pitifully lacking to do us any good to stop this nightmare.

So we ask Hashem for help, and we begin doing what little bit we are able to do. But in this there can be no half measures. In the cry to Hashem from our shame and hopelessness is the cry of our truest self, the cry of our neshamah begging our Tatteh if only we could come home now. Stay close to this you that cries and begs and knows you cannot do this yourself. Soon you will get a welcome letter. It will help.

You matter. We want you to walk every day, talk every day with your G-d, to have him back in your every day life.

Being clean and being able to get back into life with Hashem hugging you close is the best experience we can ever have. This is promised to us. You can take that to the bank.

Hatzlocho.

Joel

RSO101 wrote on 12 Jun 2012 03:39:


Yes, SOMEONE can help: מחיה מתים אתה - רב להושיע

He can being the dead back to life - He's big when it comes to helping.

Anyhow, welcome to the club, where you will learns the secrets of success. Please stick around, read the handbook, read the forums, and you will see that there are many out there who have been suffering for decades longer than you (including myself), and have B"H managed to find the approach necessary for their individual situations.

As the handbook suggests, there are many different levels in this parsha, and therefore there are many different approaches that people might need. I would like to share with you, my dear chaver, an insight that occured to me this morning, where Chazal seem to be teaching us this very same GYE concept.

The Gemara in Brachos (5a) says: If one cannot overcome his desires, he should learn Torah. If that doesn't help, he should read Shema. If that doesn't help, he should think of the day that he will eventually die.

We can perhaps explain as follows: For low level desires it may be enough to just ignore (hesach hadaas) and think of Torah (as the Rambam suggests in Hichos Issurei Bi'ah). For stronger desires that do not respond to such treatment, he should read Shema, which is kabolas ol malchus shamayim, i.e. he should try strengthening his yiras shomayim through mussar etc. For addictive levels that are not controllable through Torah and mussar, he needs to realize that just as when he will die he will not be in control anymore and he will surrender his entire being to Hashem, so too he must learn to surrender to Hashem and let Him control his desires and his lust.

May Hashem lead you in the right path,

MT

Hello, friend,
you describe very well all the familiar frustrations. Many here have been in the same boat, struggling for years, and sometimes decades, and unable to gain any ground.
Follow this link http://www.guardyoureyes.com/breakingfree/first-time-here
Start by reading GYE in the Nutshell and see where your problem places you. And then follow the prescribed solution! Sounds simple enough, and it really is, except for one thing:
you will find no magic pill here, anywhere.
Getting your life back in order will have to be a consistent, daily effort. Stay on the forum, discuss your progress with fellow strugglers, and you will find peace, guaranteed.
Praying for you (and you should pray for yourself, too - not tshuva praying, just asking Father for help praying),
Mottel

Wow! So nice to hear so much motivation! Been where you are and stayed there for decades, until I discovered this site 3 years ago.

Here's what works:

Extreme shmiras eynayim in all settings. Don't look at women. Period. Be very active and aggressive in guarding your eyes. This is something which is within your control. Very uncomfortable at times, but very do-able.

Guard your mind against lustful thoughts, mental images, fantasies, including the thought that you want to act out. When these thoughts come, intercept them early with heartfelt, repetitive tefilla, asking Hashem to take your lust. Tell Him that you surrender your lust to Him. That you don't want to lust. That you just want a relationship with Him and His Torah.

Obviously, keep away from computers when you're alone, don't pick up magazines or newspapers, flip on the TV or watch movies. Heck, don't even listen to female voices on the radio.

You'll feel great!

Welcome aboard!

Alex

I know how you feel, in fact we all know how you feel. You're not alone, we're all in this together. Some of us are still struggling, some have gotten sobriety. I feel your pain and I know Hashem does too. He doesn't want any of us to suffer, rather he wants us to grow and growth is sometimes painful. I will leave you with one thing: we have to accept that we are powerless in order to begin recovering. Once we realize that we've never had the power to overcome this and never will have the power then we begin to turn to Hashen and others to give us the power we lack. I hope this helps

Welcome RSO101! Start reading the handbooks and the posts on this site to get you started. Start sharing your problem with real people who you trust. It's great to have you on board.

Welcom RSO101!!

first off, that is amazing that you can go 50 days often!! most people here are just woried about one day at a time.

I definetly feel your frustration with yourself for breaking many shevuos. I personly have never had luck with shevuos and stay away from them, as they have at times made things worse for me. Luckly there are sooooooooooooo many tools you can use, as I'm sure you know by now, if not listen to what everyone has told you about reading the handbook and implement as many of the tools as posible into your life, if at first it is overwelming pick one tool at a time and see how each one helps you. I strongly recomend you join the 12 step phone calls (something I am trying to fit into my schedual better)

and of course guard those precious eys

SOH