hey guys..im not really sure where to start...never thought id be writing in here but had a serious addiction for the past 13 years or so and finally took some steps to help it...but think i need need way more support...thanks

Welcome, Happy Jew.
Youv'e came to the right place for the support and advice you need.
Iv'e grown tremendously here in the last few months, much from just living and sharing my situation with others in the same bind.
Post more about what youv'e been doing, there's some real veteran pro's around here that can advise you way better than a spectacled psycologist.
Personally, my biggest transformation has been through learning to live the struggle day by day, he's a big monster who want's to eat me, in order to eat him I gotta cut him up into bite-size pieces.
Hatzlochoh Rabbah!

thanks mefatfait...so a little about myself...im 24 married with kids...and like most people i think im one of the worst...ive been looking on internet for many years now almost on a constant daily basis...meeting other woman...and much more...all the while learning in kollel...just put k9 on and decided i have to join this forum to get support and help me stop...thanks in advance

Hello Reb Happy!

Just posted something on your other thread also. Sounds like you've found many different ways to get your lust fix. The first step is recognizing that you're addicted. The next thing is to recognize what you're addicted to. It's not porn, or this or that, it's lust. There's a section of your brain that demands stimulation via lust.

How to stop? To stop successfully, think of this addiction like addiction to alcohol. Cutting back doesn't work. Switching from vodka to American beer isn't enough. We all know that an alcoholic can't take even one small drink. Because as soon as he does, he's back to being a drunk faster than he can say "bartender!"

To break free, we need to cut off all our sources of lust. This is primarily via two avenues: what we see, and what thoughts and images we allow a seat in our minds. (Since you're married, there's that third avenue, but let's leave that for another time soon.)

So from right now and on, practice extreme shmiras eynayim in all settings. Commit to not looking at any women unless absolutely necessary. Including in the newspaper. No women. No part of them. Not even ugly ones. Don't even check out your own wife unless for immediate tachlis. Lust is lust.

When lustful thoughts come, start davening IMMEDIATELY, before the thought takes hold. Here's the tefilla I use when lustful thoughts come (including the thought that I want to DO something lustful):

"Ribbono Shel Olam, I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable.
Only You can restore me to sanity.
I turn my life and my lust over to Your care and ask You to please heal me from this illness of lust. I don't want to lust, I only want You and a relationship with You and Your Torah, and appropriate attraction to my wife. Take my lust. Please, take my lust."

It works. It's called sobriety.

Hatzlocha!

Alex

thanks alex...many different ways to get lust fixed? oh u have no idea...u name it ive done it. the amount of knowledge i have with other frum girls... whether it be pictures or worse. now i did put on k9 and really look down in street...so hopefuly that works for now...but need more help

I have done everything you've mentioned -- had it all down to an art.

If you work to avoid all your lustful activities, recognizing them for what they are and treating them like the poison that they are, AND call out frequently to Hashem, turning your lust over to Him, you will see success.

The beginning will be very tough. The toughest thing you'll ever do. Anticipate a struggle. And lots of rationalizations. Take it one day at a time, one nisayon at a time, one right decision at a time. Don't give lust an inch.

Make your sobriety the most important thing in your life.

Stay with us here.

i just installed k9 last week and so far so good with internet...is there anyone who can last internet looking with just k9?

Happy Jew, listen well to Alex, he's one of the best on the forum, I myself owe him a ton (Yes, Alex, yes). Take it all to heart.
Whenever you and I don't look or fantasize when we really really want to, those precious seconds and minutes rise in front of Hashem and give Him more nachas than we can imagine in our wildest imaginations.
Even if tommorow CH"V we'll fall again (yes, it's happened to the best of us even way after joining GYE), the victory of today remains intact, every day is a brand new world - המחדש בטובו בכל יום תמיד מעשה בראשית.
All the best!!!

what do u think about installing webchaver and my wife gets the emails? i mean if i fall and like most ppl say they do in the begining...she will find out and i dont want that...but without webchaver then if i fall...which i dont know how its possible with k9...then at least i can get up without wife knowing..what do u guys think?

Hi HappyJew and welcome aboard!

If she doesn't know yet, that's probably not how you want her to find out :o . And even if she already knows that you are working on this, it's probably not such a great idea either and it will put a lot of stress between you. If she is like my wife and like those of many of the other guys who have shared here, she probably wants to be left out of the process as much as possible. Perhaps just once in a while to tell her that things are going well or that you're having a hard time, but not to be responsible for looking over your shoulder.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to find someone on this site who you have made a kesher with and you trust, to be your webchaver.

You're on the right track, KUTGW & KOMT!!!!

Gevura!

well im new here so no friends yet...and is it possible to grow without wife ever finding out? i mean does she need to find out?

Sometimes your wife finds out that you're working on this -- because she can't help but notice how much you've improved.

To oversimplify, my wife was actually getting jealous of me for what I had gained from recovery, and so she joined a group for spouses.

--Elyah

improved? what do u mean? she doesnt know im stuck so wat will she see any improvement in?

You'll stop to be aggressive...unpatient...

The women have feelers for their husbands moods, feeling exactly how how happy they are.