Taaruvos?! You mean like mixed affairs? And that's not triggering?

(Just kidding - or rather trying to show how anything can affect a sick mind).

MT

Yeah, I know what can happen on my Rorschach test, but it's all relative...

Machshovo wrote on 28 Jun 2012 15:18:

thats a goodie
i lol'd
:

and speaking of taaruvos and other sugyas... there is a famous story of a mother who came to a tzadik complaining that her son was eating pig and dancing with shiksas. he said "he's normal. if he would be eating shiksas and dancing with pigs then we should worry..."

I think I know that tzaddik...

Lesson # 1

Last night I fell asleep at my computer (while typing divrei Torah). I awoke coupla hours later with a severe burn on my hand from the heat of the computer. I think the lesson is that we need to be careful with computers. Otherwise we can get burnt (in many different ways).

Lesson # 2

We read Shabbos about Bilaam the pervert. And he says about himself נופל וגלוי עינים - Perhaps he is hinting that one will fall if his eyes are open and unguarded (this thought may already be in the sforim hakdoshim).

MT

I want to share with you MT, since you brought up that Rosho...(I prefer using that term for Bilaam rather than 'pervert', for there is no question that I am indeed a recovering pervert - and I do not want to be associated with him in any way!)

The greatest lesson that is basic for me from the story of Bilaam and Balak was simply that they kept trying different montain tops, different views, and different tricks to try and beat reality (that is, G-d's Will).

How many hundreds of times did I fail with my porn searches and other acting out. It didn't work either by: 1- not finding exactly what I wanted, 2- by getting caught, or 3- by succeeding in my desperate lust quest - but then feeling the emptiness of the result and the reality that I was not yet fixed and whole? Many hundreds of times indeed. At least Balak had the good sense to give up in one day of tries!

And how did I react every single time? By trying a different angle, a different view, a new girls image, a new technique, or a new location to act out in...whatever made it feel like a new chance at the ultimate success. And each and every time it was just me trying the same thing over and over and expecting a totally different result.

Those two guys were totally devoted to kishuf. Kishuf is trying to beat G-d in His own game and run the world our way. In other words, they were totally devoted to themselves...as many of us usually are. They never even wanted to have a real G-d. I was like them a little bit, at times - but then I hit bottom. From then on, I could not afford to be on my own team any more...for I failed at ait. So I was forced to really need a real G-d.

I believe that is what makes me not a rosho, even though I can be a pervert.

Tov veyoshor Hashem - al kei yoreh (throws down) chato'im baderech. That's me! He used my own masturbating and lusting to throw me onto the path.

Amazing.

Beautiful shtickle.

dov wrote on 08 Jul 2012 21:50:

I like this. Reality.

Dear friends,

Iy"H I will be spending this weekend at a beach resort. I would rather stay home and not be faced with that nisayon, but this trip was orchestrated by other family members, perhaps 'normal' people who do not realize that for me this is a danger zone. I have been there before (pre-GYE), and the results (during and following) were not good. Perhaps Hashem is giving me the opportunity to do teshuva under those same circumstances, as Chazal say -
היכי דמי תשובה, באותו מקום ובאותו אשה ובאותו זמן

Anyhow, as much as I approach this weekend with a certain degree of trepidation, based on past experience; however I also look forward with hope and anticipation that my current GYE experience will allow me to approach this matter with a more healthy attitude, which will be"H prove to be more successful.

In the past, it would be a battle of the nerves: Will I have the power to guard my eyes? Will I have the will? Will I slip a bit? Will I cave in and just go wild? etc. etc.
But this time I hope to think and act 'normally'. Surrender those 'crazy' thoughts and actions. Ask Hashem to help me have a Heilige Shabbos surrounded by a pure and clean Friday and Sunday. I will iy"H enjoy (with my family) the beauty of Hashem's ocean and its waves, the sky and the clouds, the trees and grass, the sand and rocks - instead of making myself miserable with abnormal sickly thoughts and activities.

I am sharing this with all of you, because ever since I actively joined GYE, I found that the most motivating factor for me is that I share my ups and downs with you, and I would much rather share ups than downs. So stay tuned, and I hope to update you upon my return with good news be"H.

Shabbat Shalom

MT

P.S. And to find a remez in the Parsha - We find (in the end of last week's Parsha) that when Pinchas approached Moshe & company about the sinful activities of Zimri and Kozbi, he was told that since he was the one to notice and report it, he is the one that must take action - which he did. And Hashem rewarded him (in this week's Parsha).

Likewise, each and every one of us are presented with potentially sinful situations. And we need to realize that the situations presented to us were expressly given for us to deal with - this is our mission and our avodah.

MT, great stuff you are sayin'
good attitude. good remez.
have a great shabbos

Holy $#*@! A beach resort! Yikes!

Nu. Plan ahead to minimize the nisyonos.

Hatzlocha!

alexeliezer wrote on 13 Jul 2012 17:28:


What do you suggest? Gouge out the eyeballs?

--Elyah

Hatzlacha rabbah, ur in my prayers.

B"H I'm back safely. I was given an option of going home this morning and leaving the wife and kids behind for the rest of the day. I grabbed the opportunity to "minimize the nisyonos".

There is a saying in Yiddish:
וויזוי מען נעמט זיך פאר, אזוי העלפט די אייבישטער
(As you accept upon yourself, so does Hashem help you)
Hashem helped me stick to my commitment. He not only helped me survive, but also helped me enjoy the weekend as normal people would. Shabbos was holy. I was maavir sedrah, I said Tehillim, I learned Gemara, Chumash Rashi, Hilchos Shabbos, Mussar... I played with the kids, I pushed my little granddaughter on the swing, I taught my little grandson a funny Yiddish song. I napped. I ate lots of watermelon.

And for the sake of honesty, the old me kept on suggesting many other forms of enjoyment, and there were close calls and much maneuvering done to avoid the various icebergs and pitfalls. (I kept telling myself how I need to live up to the standards that would make my GYE friends proud of me.) Bottom line - it's good to be back among friends, and it's great to be able to share positive outcomes.

MT

Wow amazing, thanks for sharing ur success. Ps great Yiddesh saying.

Keep rocking!!!!
It feels great to hear the good news too and not just falls. Lol