;D


Shabbat Shalom Everybody

Hey guys
Shavua Tov

2 things

First of all I have been feeling a craving for some lust. Well actually I think its for connection and love or whatever but that doesnt matter right now because its playing out as lust and I noticed I clicked a pic here and started looking at some immodest pictures in the news, glances and then no second looks but this is the first checkpoint on the downward spiral and I figured I would take the first exit.

Also the craziest most shocking thing just happened. As I made my realization that I need help with this recent craving I go to type in Guardyoureyes dot com and I by accidentaly typed in the address that got me to a "website of ill repute" I jumped like when someone jumps out from a hiding spot to scare you. But I just wanted to share that, that was scary!

sorry to hear you are struggling. are you doing anything to stay away? if not do something! at the very least erase the history so you don't stumble on old trash!! for heavens sake

tell the lust to go away until tomorrow or keep pushing him off one hour tell the y'h your busy right now

ONE SECOND AT A TIME!
I'M BEHIND YA

No ya for sure, I was off the site in like a second and I didnt absorb any of the images it was just a shocker how I typed it without thinking. Im just trying to stay on top of it and what I did was post, ok ok so if it doesnt go away im going to call my friend and walk around.

History was erased lol

THANK YOU TZ!

Today is SO much better than me being in this exact situation several months ago. Thank G-d for GYE and all a'y'all

hi JKG,
ma nishma?

is today warm-up-leftover-cholint-for-supper-day?

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 13 Aug 2012 17:58:

That's a stirah with

:

Well ill tell you guys the truth, 4 days ago I had another fall only looking at inappropriate things if that makes it any better. I called up my friend down in the self-pity hole. Pretty upset with myself, but I just had to accept the fact that when Im in a "rut" its not easy getting back out of it. In my defense that night I was having CRAZY CRAVINGS. I really felt like I just COULDNT stop myself. I knew I could but it wouldve been too unpleasant. It was much easier to just give in.

So my latest thing is that I dont bring the computer with me into the room no matter what time of day. Its more lenient in the sense that I dont really have a limit on when Ill use the computer but since its in a public-er place I dont mind. Ive tried "no computer" and limiting the hours but I always end up breaking the time limits and then it just falls apart. So this has been working so far and its now 4 days clean.

In regards to your hushed shayloh, Im going to say this loud and clear. I was GOING to eat leftover chulent. I had it out on the counter. I had the barbeque sauce ready. Utensils in hand. Ready to heat it up and just eat it all up. And then I just didnt. I got distracted by the homemade dinner and other miscellaneous items in the fridge and just never got around to it.. B'EZRAT HASHEM HADRAN ALACH LEFTOVER CHULENT HADRAN ALACH VDA'ATAN ALACH LEFTOVER CHULENT.

You will be sorely missed "old" ( ) friend.

:'(

Just Keep Going
































































[also known as G.U.I.T.A.R.]

TZ's advice sounds vaguely familiar, where did i hear that before?

if you get up after a fall then you are doing something right. many folks start off and say "this time it's for real, i am gonna become Rabbi Akiva Eiger II within the next week and a half" and when that doesn't happen they just trash the whole effort.

so keep running with that and build on it.
see what you can do to work smarter at keeping away from the spoiled leftover cholint, i mean the inappropriate stuff.

wishing you much hatzlocha
may the [s]force[/s] shwartz be with you

Thanks

Its funny because after the first fall I was like oh for sure its unfortunate and Im sad but hey Im a 7- month old. I can handle this. Easy peasy. And it wasnt. And it took me some time to realize if I want to be succesful I have to do the hard thing which is leave the computer in another room. Set limits. I cant do whatever I want but I WANT to not be able to do whateve I want because that means Im clean. Four-stays? (far-shtaice)

Perhaps It wasn't easy after seven months because you still have the belief that you are powerless. As long as you have that belief you could go sober forty years and still relapse.

What do you mean? I thought being powerless was the first step? admitting powerless rather.

Last night I had an unbelievable craving, and I was in a "ugh" mood so this time what I did was I actually tried to "wreck" myself by NOT going on the inappropriate stuff. I was laughing at the whole situation and how good I felt the SECOND I denied myself the "act out"

Does that make sense? I normally act out when im in the mood of I want to wreck myself. So last night I was in that mood with a craving and instead of fighting I was like ok lets get wrecked. wouldnt it absolutely KILL me not to give in? Oh lets do THAT lets absolutely WRECK myself by NOT giving in.

And then I felt great. and I was laughing at how that actually worked and that it was over so fast and just the whole thing.

JustKeepGoing wrote on 20 Aug 2012 15:35:


It's the first step of the twelve-step program. After the twelve step program you can stop being powerless if you look into the idea that our hidden beliefs create our feelings. In other words people are not powerless. Initially they tell themselves they are powerless because this removes responsibility, but by behaving in a powerless way they cement this belief, so later when they would like to change course they feel they can't. At that point the first step is to surrender: "Help! I can't get rid of the belief that I am powerless!" To go beyond you have to challenge yourself to verify whether your powerlessness is real or only a belief. And there are ways to do that.

Incidentally the Torah works in a similar way. On Shabbos refrain from doing melacha, and you will develop a belief in Hashem.

Act as if you are not powerless, and you will develop the belief that you are in charge.

I believe that a persons beliefs influences there behavior very much. I think I understand better now. Thank you.

Its been a while since I last posted. I've been clean 3 weeks, and it was 2 weeks before that. Whenever I'm in yeshiva I'm sober and I dnt have any cravings. Maybe the first day. But after that they go away only when I come home and after a day or two of trying to avoid all magazines tv and computers I start to crack and sit down by the computer often without a Real purpose in mind or to "just" check my email and then an image here a couple pixels later I realize ok this is too far and back off.

Now in yeshiva zman I'm back in yeshiva the next day and it'll fade away and this is the key that when I'm home for a while ill just continue to slip until we call it a fall.

So that's the situation right now any advice is appreciated.

I feel bad not taking the time to read and post on other peoples threads unfortunately I don't have a lot of time its late enough as it is. G-d willing over the bein hazmanim ill be able to post more freely. But as a general chizuk I wanted to post two things.

One - the alter of kelm said that a person who learns to control himself and would experience the pleasure of self-control he would run after it like he does regular pleasure. So its something to think about, there's two pleasures to choose from. And if once we've started thinking we all know that the pleasure isn't much of a pleasure. Its been accurately described as "hot air" or hevel by kohelet.

Secondly, for those of us worried about the yom kippur, we should try to remember and let it really sink in that g-d gives us life every second and he wills our hearts to beat and air in abundance nice fresh air for us to enjoy he takes care of our bodily needs and all of the millions of processes our body is doing without our knowledge. Hashem isn't out to "get us" the whole purpose of yom kippur is that Hashem saw that our sins (yes he knows we sin and that we have an evil inclination he's not oblivious) would build up to a point when hed have to destroy us thered be no other way, so in his Mercy and LOVE for us he created a day where the king pardons all those who wish to be pardoned. Gotta let that one sink in. And R Miller says that even if you don't know if you'll be able to stop doing the sin forever just feeling bad alone istremendous. Feel bad and say to Hashem "and with your help I won't go back to it" (not an exact quote.

Gmar chasima tova everyone