I just joined GYE and I started with the 90 day program.  I was a good 10 days clean and I went through many nisyonos in those days.  I was picturing sitting at the seder with a huge smile knowing that I came into this Peasach with such a good clean streak and suddenly (as usual) the yetzer horah overtook me and I fell horribly twice in two days.  Now I could just picture myself sitting at the seder in agony over how nice it would have been if I would have just passed those tests.  It is such a bitter sadness. 

Welcome aboard EK!

So you fought and succeeded for 10 days, you fell (as many of us do from time to time), and you got right back up and are fighting again. You are on the right track, climbing upwards despite the difficulty. What is there to be sad about?

Hang in there, the only way is UP! and Keep On Trucking!! (do you know what that means yet?)

Gevura!

Hi,

  Its not over yet. You know that the idea behind the holiday of Pesach is to get rid of the Yetzer hara. That yetzer hara is your lust and ability to fall. If you work very hard in eliminating chametz from your household, from your total posession, sell it, get rid of it, then your Yetzer hara for the following year till the next Pesach won't be so strong and you won't fall as often. You would feel much better at your Seder knowing this was done.

Hi, Ekadosh.  Welcome to the forum.

Recovery isn't instant.  It takes time; focus on progress along the way.

I went from falling several times each week, to falling every couple of weeks, and then I had a few streaks 7-months long.  Each time I fell I tried to take a look at what went wrong, turn up my recovery efforts another notch, and then keep on going.  I've been involved with GYE for about 3 years now, and the journey just keeps getting better.

I have learned that there's alot more to recovery than just not masturbating.  As a result of my involvement here, I realized that the lust addiction stems from much deeper issues--an inability to cope with life and with other human beings.  I have gained tools along the way (and continue to gain tools) for improving my life in all areas.

It has turned out, in some ways, to be a blessing that I had this problem.  I would never have woken up to the subtle realities of my personality flaws had I not been escaping the pain of life with p*rn and m*asturbation.

Have you downloaded the GYE handbook?  Also, here's a link with lots of ideas for getting started in recovery:

www.guardyoureyes.com/breakingfree/first-time-here

Remember: Progress, not perfection.

And, keep on posting!

Good luck,

Elyah

Actually the yesod of Pesach is that Hashem took us  from the depths of depravity to  great heights in an instant. The meforshim say that this power to "Jump" levels exists every Pesach, so take heart and celebrate your new beginning this Pesach.  And then take advantage of the days of Sefira to build on it and make it a lasting recovery.

Welcome!
Your timing is perfect.
Please see this post for how exactly to use the Pesach seder to jump-start your recovery:
www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3750.0