That was beautiful Dov 

Seriously, your point is well taken.  I'm going to share it with my family.

It was a sweet point Dov.  I agree, part of the problem is that I dream and fantasize about just acquiring one idea, having one moment, hearing one Dvort, that will change my thinking and compulsions, and put me on the lofty madrega I need to be, compulsion-free.  I'm lazy, I don't want to do the hard work, I just want that ONE big idea, that ONE holy, inspirational thought that will connect me to the Ein Sof so that I'll never let go of Gcd, I'll be awakened and there won't be a need for the hard work anymore, since I'll be free of addiction.

But all this too, it's a dream... a search for the "idea drug" that will cure me, the magic pill of a thought, all I need to do is sit for 5 minutes, think it, and I'll be free...  I guess this is the dream of all addicts.