So you've decided to go clean - you have a streak going and you realize that you need to focus on your wife and her needs just a wee bit more than your own ( for a change)  - so your on track maybe a week or even a month.
( I am of course talking from very personal experience here )

So then something at home comes up and you surprise yourself and tell your wife - sure you'll give up some of your hard earned personal time to spend learning with your kids for an exam so she can go out to a shiur or just relax - you thin to yourself - I am a new man - this is what's it all about .
Then ---- and here come the TEST from above
Your wife says - That's nice ( surprised tone)  are you sure ? 
Of course you say
Well I am just really surprised that you are willing to give up some of your personal time 
You think to yourself (CANT YOU SEE THAT I HAVE A 20 DAY STREAK GOING  AND I AM A NEW MAN)
you start to feel like all your hard work is for naught - she doesn't get it - doesnt get how hard it is for you to be good and non-selfish
Now just as you feel yourself starting to become (insulted , mad - whatever) you realize (Baruch Hashem ) that that emotion --- that your ego is being questioned ---- is SELFISH and IS EXACTLY WHAT THE YH wants

Then your wife drops the BOMB - Well you can't expect me not to be surprised - after all its been 10 years with you focused on yourself its going to take awhile for me to get used to the new you

Deep breath -- You respond --- yes your right I can see what you mean
Test passed --- you can move to the next square on the board !!!!
SIMCHA is just around the corner

feel free to substiute the seflishness in this story for - lust or any other negative trait
the point is if you are giving up your ego than you have to give it up all the way

Thank you! Great story. I can very much relate. A great example how to deal with such situations. Especially when you try to do something nice for your spouse and she reacts like that instead of just appreciating. But that's exactly the way to deal with it!

VMSneveragain wrote on 29 Dec 2011 18:17:

And howbout if she doesn't appreciate it?

Thanks for lurkin'.

I was gonna reply to Mr vsmneveragain's other post, but then I realized it's from a banned thread.

cordnoy wrote on 16 Mar 2017 14:39:

Why is that a banned thread?
and even if it is I like to break the rules sometimes so which post were you referring to?

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 16 Mar 2017 21:46:

Mmmm....a man of my heart.

cordnoy wrote on 16 Mar 2017 23:40:

so which post you talking about

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 17 Mar 2017 10:24:

I assume Cords can see it since hes a mod, but without unbanning it we wont ever be able to see it.

look here

MayanHamisgaber wrote on 17 Mar 2017 10:36:

oohhh.. that 'banned' thread.