או חברוותא או....
My first post- about me
Looking for a partner

Hi everyone my name is gavriel , I'm uncomfortable writing these lines: the good stuff because יהללך זר ולא מפיך  and the not so good because I'm pretty ashamed of it- but my quest for a partner to share grow and recover with is stronger- so here goes.

I'm happily married for quite a while with bli ayin hara with a handful (two hands full) of precious children.
My good side:- I treasure my relationship with hashem- love learning torah [I do it a lot] and I'm also really good at it.
I enjoy davening (during the times that my good side is dormant, I don't go a  shmonei esreh without shedding tears (of yearning and closeness not sadness like when the other side rules)
. I'm a medakdek b'mitzvah kallah kebechmura (for real not just for cultural belonging or recognition)  [funny enough even in שמירת עינים I'd don't know what most of the neighboring wives look like, and won't look a woman in her face when talking to her- I look down from billboards when driving, try not to shop in goyishe stores]
My wife and I allow almost no non-Jewish literature in the house [just a few kids books] even the yated and hamodia and free jewish publications (there is nothing free, just something the price tag is not in dollars and cents) hardly ever enter our abode because we feel the advertisements in them are so gayshmius and naval berush hatorah orientated.
I have a computer but no internet access [and none on my phone], because besides the sakanah involved I firmly believe what rav avigdor miller zaztal said when he was asked if they could put his torah online- he replied "I don't want my torah in a toilet bowl."-

So why am I here? Because if your already in the toilet bowl you’ve got to grab on to the cleaner sides of it to yank yourself out. 



My not so good side: - first let me tell you when it started and how often- well the יצר הרע himself is put in a person when he is born as chzal teach us – but he didn't start to really rule me and ruin me as such till after my marriage in the early twenties. As a bachur I was very solid and extremely involved in my learning so I  didn't struggle much with these issues [no I wasn't perfect, well no one is and if you were than there would not be a point being alive].
After marriage
After marriage I feel that I approached inyanie zivuk wronging in a approach of masbio raev.

Average clean streaks 5-7 months- with a week or two in between nefilah
Looking for someone is similar boat to connect by phone –


More on the bad side in the balie battim forum- bye shabbos is coming

WELCOME aboard gavi.  Nice to meet you.  I look forward to hearing more about you.  I'm sure you have lots more to say.  Have a great shabbos!

Here's the official GYE welcome package!

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

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Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

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4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

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Hi Gavi,
Just wanted to say welcome.  Waiting to hear a little more about exactly what's going on.  My story is quite different from yours (I've been messed up since puberty.).  It sounds like you have a cautionary tale to tell about what can happen if a bochur isn't properly prepared for the intimate side of marriage.
Alex

For me it's Maga to see this post. It shows a fect that even the best of us can steuggle. As much as we know it we still can't face fact when we see some people and we say no way he can't be. Everyone has something. Thanks so much for posting. And don't feel bad about this.

gavi wrote on 16 Dec 2011 19:35:


Mybe i can be some help, however if you only want 1 'sponsor', than I'm not it. you can email/pm me directly, in the m,eantime i will ask guard to propose the shidduch

contact partner.gye@gmail.com

thanks for the idea but i tried that 7 months ago and have spoken several times with the partner gabai since and still nobody suitable has been found yet so i figured to try myself

I also tried the partner gabbai a while ago.  I found that contacting people here by PM and creating relationships worked much better.