I have just joined this group, and to tell you the truth I am a little confused.  My first question is the 90 day trial does that mean not looking at anything that will get me excited or those things that will cause me to masturbate.  Let me explain further up to now I have installed filters in every environment that I have around me.  I use the rimon  which is pretty effective against porn but not against woman scantly dressed.  Whereas Porn (when the system goes down) causes me to masturbate the scantly dressed woman just cause me to browse for 5-10 minutes a day then go on.  So when we need to honor the 90 day breaking of habits does that mean porn or everything?  I have read the handbook and have gotten the daily chizuk do I need to do more?  My habits as of now are that I look at sport sites and there is always some woman advertisement on the side so I will avert my eyes then go back to the article.  Or I will go to fox news and look at the entertainment section and see the pictures.  So do I give up the internet for good which is not feasible or what?  Do these answers come to my email address.  If you wish to contact me directly my email address is helpmenow613@gmail.com

'sick of myself' welcome aboard... the experts are on their way to help you to answer all of your questions.
youve come to the right place, post your story and progress here and remember to take it one day at a time. Its all and good having the intention of 90 days but, it seems to me, that a person who focusses on the 90 days generally falls...we have to focus on each day at a time, each hour at a time, each minute. this minute i can stay clean. forget about the next minute. next minute comes same thing and the 90 day thing will just happen automatically...( I am speaking to myself as well as i am also strugling with the 90 days :-[)

Just a comment on your name...'sick of myself'.... does this refer to the fact that you are sick of what you [i]do[/i]? well that has nothing to do with the real you. the real you is wating to be released out into the open and express herself once and for all. and here at gye community this this is the goal of us all. perhaps 'longing for myself' would be a better title... :D

sick of myself wrote on 16 Dec 2011 00:05:


Myself welcome, I think it would be helpful to ask yourself this question: Why do I want to stop?  What about what I do makes me so sick of myself?

If its for religious reasons then the question seems kind of odd. Just open up a Shulchan Aruch and see what is forbidden and what is permitted. I venture to say you know that bringing yourself to excitement even if you don't masturbate is prohibitied, but you'd like to ignore that because it feels to good.  Experience shows that religious reasons alone won't make a person stop. Certainly it hasn't helped until now.
Well if religious reasons won't make you stop, why should you. I can't answer that for you but for myself it was that the lust was ruining my life. When I start lusting I get insane. Well if insanity is what I'm trying to avoid, i will do what's necessary to avoid it, even if it means not looking for 5-10 minutes and even if it means trying to do things that don't seem feasible. Just some food for thought. Have a wonderful Shabbos and wishing you much hatzlacha.

Welcome SOM!
As usual, UAJ is on the money, and helpme made some critical points as well.
Let me get this straight.
You only masturbate if you look at porn, which you only do if the filters fail.
You don't fantasize?  Your shmiras eynayim on the street is solid?
Why are you looking at the untznius women in the entertainment section?
Do you have a raging battle going on in your mind, or have the filters (when they work) cured that?

We want you to succeed.  But first you need to know what it is you're truly after.
I suggest that it is a life without lust.

What do you think?

Welcome aboard!
Alex

One day at a time. Just today.

WELCOME SOM!  Nice to have you aboard!

First of all thank you for your responses,sorry for not getting back sooner.  No I am not sick of myself just my actions.  Yes i fantasize and yes i look at women.  What i am truly after is to get rid of this blemish, sickness.  What this is my fate to do all this until 120.  I just feel terrible after I look at these pictures, I feel  here it goes again another failure, I feel a internal sickness every time I fail, I feel a feeling of scum in my stomach.  Yes I do want to get rid of this, does not everyone want this.    Why do I want to stop?  Well I thought about it allot and coming from a non religious background and becoming religious I always thought that it was something outside of me that was dictating morals and guilt, but after many deep soul searching  I came to realize one  I can not blame my wife for lack of sexual satisfaction, and two the life change I choose has become part of me so the thought that something outside of me has caused my guilty feelings no longer exists.  Yes I have a raging battle with me every time I get in front of the computer.  NO lust is not ruining my life on a superficial level just need my 5-10 minute fix and I function normally throughout the rest of the day.  Once I put the filters on the raging battle disappears I do not yearn the porn and hardly give it thought.  You

First of all thank you for your responses,sorry for not getting back sooner.  No I am not sick of myself just my actions.  Yes i fantasize and yes i look at women.  What i am truly after is to get rid of this blemish, sickness.  What this is my fate to do all this until 120.  I just feel terrible after I look at these pictures, I feel  here it goes again another failure, I feel a internal sickness every time I fail, I feel a feeling of scum in my stomach.  Yes I do want to get rid of this, does not everyone want this.    Why do I want to stop?  Well I thought about it allot and coming from a non religious background and becoming religious I always thought that it was something outside of me that was dictating morals and guilt, but after many deep soul searching  I came to realize one  I can not blame my wife for lack of sexual satisfaction, and two the life change I choose has become part of me so the thought that something outside of me has caused my guilty feelings no longer exists.  Yes I have a raging battle with me every time I get in front of the computer.  NO lust is not ruining my life on a superficial level just need my 5-10 minute fix and I function normally throughout the rest of the day.  Once I put the filters on the raging battle disappears I do not yearn the porn and hardly give it thought.  Y

sick of myself wrote on 26 Dec 2011 00:36:


pardon me, but for me this definition doesn't work.  regarding myself, the behavior you describe is exactly what was/is ruining my life.  After 30+ years my perception of normal is so far from truth that i don't trust what i think to be normal.  i don't intend to be critical, your situation is different from mine, but if a friend you were concerned about because of their daily use of heroin told you " Yes I have a raging battle every morning.  NO heroin is not ruining my life I just need my morning fix and I function normally throughout the rest of the day." would you accept it and move on?
i care about you and want to be sure you are being honest with yourself, because i think you can only improve with honesty.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

Hello friend,
the 5-10 minute a day "quick fix" has grown into 2-3 hours daily masturbation escapades for me.
I thought I would never get there, that I can just "enjoy my drink". Unfortunately, It doesn't work this way. This devil sucks you in before you can say "sex with self is destructive".
Hatzlocho in getting a hold of yourself while you can, if you can.
But if you can't, it's not too late to acknowledge it and get help.
Mottel.

chaimyakov wrote on 26 Dec 2011 15:02:

wow you gave me a good answer to what i was also thinking to myself. instead of fighting give in a bit( assuming that it could stay only a few minutes).
we need to fight!!
thank you for the good answer
LT