hello. I am a 22 yr old jewish male who is in need of some support and tips from others like me.
A little about me. My child and teenage yrs are not yrs Id go back to anyday. Because of the situation at home I was left to deal with questions and emotions on my own. I since the age of 14 or so have been pleasureing myself and since then this habbit has been directly tied to my emotions. all along so long as my emotions were in check I was able to keep control of it but as time past and at times I lost control of my emotions so has the habit...long story short 6 month ago I hit an all time low and a family member i care deeply about has found out. I realize now after seeing the monetary damage how much it has costed me. However the monetary isnt what got me to write this...I care too deeply for my family. We have been through every dark time a family will go through (poverty/marriage issues/schooling issues...etc..) and I care too deeply to let tyhem go. Even if not for them this time it was money...what will be next time I fear. Currently I dont consider myself a practicing even though I wear a yamuka. I dont have much of a social life, but a few good freinds and my family, due to the fact I wasnt situated in one envirement throughout my child and teenage yrs (I am sort of a hybrid so to speak) I am strongly opinionated in regards to pretty much anything. I have been struggling for yrs and won many battles so I dont believe I am weak minded but I am also a person that will admit that things need to change and I fear if not I will lose the war. my purpose of being on this sight is to regain my family's trust and improve my own life so even when I am in an emotionaly hard time I dont lose control and do something I regret. Ofcourse conversing and talking to ppl that have been through it is a good thing.

welcome Shadow in need,
Soon the official welcome package will miraculously appear on your thread.  So many questions will be answered right away.  You are so not alone.  Don't try to eat the whole salami all at once. 

You may or may not be addicted to lust.  Check things out for yourself with the handbook.  The best part is that you don't have to carry your secret all by yourself anymore.

I hope things will resolve positively for you with the family member who found out, and with your family as a whole. 

Hatzlocho, and stay in touch.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

So I have a question....so in the past I have tried to stop all together but failed after some time. My question is how can I wean myself off in a way that will stick....for eaxmple last night the lust feeling came up (wasnt thinking of anything sexual though) and I started to masterbate. I stopped myself in the end. My opinion of masterbation is the ct itself is harmless but I know for me personaly its the roadway to other things bad so what shouold be my thought pattern when these feelings come up. I need something stronger the telling myself "NO!". no works but fails alot of times. Any ideas? I feel if I find a good way to wean myself off it it will be a huge step in to my new life and it will be the first and best sign of change for me. In the past if the week was normal and my time was filled I would masterbate 2-3 times a week. What would be a good weaning off scheduale....Always happy to hear suggestions.

why not work the GYE method:
dont act out or even think about it or even let yourself get aroused, JUST FOR ONE SINGLE DAY
then if you achieved, then do it only for one more day

WELCOME Shadow!  It can take some time to find your way around here.  Start with the handbooks.  They have methods to help from weaker to stronger.  You can try some, and if they don't work, up the "dosage" so to speak.

There's lot's to learn here.  Stick around and share with us.  We are all in this together!

It sounds like you may need to deal with your emotional issues in order to stay "sober".  Start reading and learning.  We're here for you!

Welcome!
Sounds like you didn't get the emotional attention you needed as a child.  As many of us, you turned to comforting yourself and it became a habit or addiction.

I like Shmiechel's advice.  I don't believe in weaning from this addiction.  Because it's a whole new attitude you're after.  Sex with yourself isn't what you want.  You can do better.  Much better.

Have you been in therapy at all to work through some of your unhappy childhood issues and learn how to move forward?  How to have functional relationships?

Wishing you a happy adulthood.  And it's possible.  Even after a very unhappy childhood.  I'm living proof.

Alex

Well...I have talked it over with my family alot of both present and about the past. We are on good terms now and it feels good. I am working on developing my social skills (using this site as one of the places to do it, hope its ok). I have been sober from lust 2-3 days now. I am reading more and more about this site (handbook/q&a/testomonials/ etc....) everyday. I still have to get used to the religious aspect of this all Ill admit as it has not been my thought pattern for a very long time. This time its definitley different in a good way as opposed to the last times I have tried to conqer this habit. I will continue to post as time goes by. Always in the mood for a good conversation or argument though even if its not about the habit 

wow, 2-3 days is gr8 for a start
keep it on only for one more day

Please do stay here with us.

Another nice place to connect with jews and topics of interest to us is www.Aish.com

sigh...I am a little up and down this morning...I have fallen to the trap of intentionaly vewing x rated content but prevented myself from physicly acting out...so a win/loss there...Its like the mouse problem I had a while back at my place...no matter what we did they kept comming...so we decided to plug the holes  they were comming from as we saw them...and since then we havnt seen em once...there is a veiew point for ya...so I have plugged the hole that has brought me to view the content...one less hole to worry about...starting a new cycle on that front while continuing from physicly acting out....

Also, put in a little prayer to let G-d into your life and free you from lust.

Welcome brother.

Don't get caught up about the win/loss.

Your heading in the right direction.

For me it's progress not perfection.

If all I would want is to be at the perfect picture then I would Have given up a while ago.

It takes one rung at a time to reach the top of the latter.

Matzal tov on your new family.

Have a seat, What would you like to drink??

I know what you mean, but viewing p*rn is acting out big time.  You're dosing yourself with all kinds of neurochemicals that you're addicted to and trying to get clean from.