to: "wishing" bro, i dont know what ur story is, but im sure if you found yourself walking down the street one day and saw a young child or old man or the like crossing the road not realizing a truck was coming strait for em, and u have a chance to run and push them out the way to save them, you would. so dont tell me ur life aint worth living, u can do u that and much more for others. hey if 1027 murderers are let out to save one jewish neshama, being a yid tells us something. it tells us that every neshama is sacred. we would do the same for you if you wer stuck in prison g-d forbid.
I will tell u a short story i heard, it happened in a shechita house somewhere, maybe in south america, dunno...
at the beginning and end of every day a particular yid who worked in the shechita house would  make it a point to smile and greet the security guard warmly every day sometimes asking how he and the fam where. . and at the end of one particular day when the owner had locked up, but the security guard adamantly  claimed there was someone in there still, and after searching the place they found him locked in the walk-in-freezer, within minuets of his death, the guard new he was in there cos that warm greeting hadn't come that evening  , the highlight of his day. all it took was a smile to save a life, in this case his own.

all im saying is, dont think ur worthless there is so much you can still do u have know idea what effect u have on the world and if u are in the world it means that hashem needs u. we need u hang in there.

bsd I hope I am not being callous when I say that-YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY GUY ON THIS FORUM THAT HAS A STOCKING FETISH god made a womans foot attractive so you are obsesssed with seeing womans stockinged feet big wooppeee doo welcome to the club,I know people that would stay on buses for hours because they caught a glimpse of a womans stocking foot a drop above the knee.I think your yetzer harah wants to make this into the focus of your problem that way you will be distacted from realizing the true reality of your life.Please tell me if I am wrong I am usually way off.

Im not sure i get what your trying to say . .
stocking feet/legs are just on trigger of many, that can cause hirhurim and m'zl for me, although it is the most potent out of all of them (the triggers), I know that my yetser hara has built this up into something bigger than it should be.
i would like to meet some of the other with the same fetish, and discus how they deal. i know it is a popular fetish cos there is so much of it on the net its crazy.

what are tthe other triggers? is there any other area in your life that you want to be diffrent?

Your particular fetish/obsession/addiction is pretty much irrelevant.  The same tools that work for recovery for one will work for them all, in fact they also work for alcohol, gambling, and food addictions. 

What do you hope to gain by meeting others with your particular fetish?

I would like to meet others with my particular recovery method.

to: "mechazek" . . . other triggers ? . . .  that lead to wasting seed and hirhurim?????  cos thats what i was talking about!!

however i would like to be more into my davening and learning. but my yetser hara tells me im not worthy to pray cos im not "religious" if i commit such sins like wasting seed and the like. that and a little laziness. lol. i just dont have a desire to pray.
i would normally learn and teach in yeshivah under normal circumstances.
however i had to work on a full time project since pessach and have not been learning at all, thats what makes me feel connected to hashem, and i feel best when teaching and learning. the "project" will shortly come to an end in a week or 2 and i can get back to normal life, but generally B'H , I feel i am living my life to the fullest. using my talents and capabilities to the full, i would say, apart from my addiction to mast****ing and all that comes with it (the legs/feet/nylons etc.) i think i am on the right track. Iv always thought that if i can control my yetser hara for women, i can do anything. i would be over the moon.
where you thinking im not happy and was using my taiva to sooth myself?? i dont think that is the case? i just really enjoy it, its a taste of the next world (just got to do it in a kosher way i guess)

ps. i could do with working on shalom bait, i think my addiction to porn and looking and fantasizing about other women has a big negative impact on my marriage. general its a solid marriage, but i know if i dont work on controlling this taiva it will seriously affect the marriage further in the long run.

to: Me3
u r right it doesn't make any difference, we are all in the same boat. i was just curious cos i have never met anyone with the same fetish as me, prob cos people dont usually talk about these things, but i know its a common fetish cos there is so much p**n out there just on that particular fetish, someone has to be in to it.
but again, it doesnt really matter.

@the real me...

been there.. done it... got over it (now all I need is the t-shirt to go with it)

surely you must have a dog, cat, fish, who would miss you
if not, just so you know - I WILL MISS YOU!

anyone else want to jump in ?

I can make you a t-shirt. Or rather, I can design it and you can print it, since I am not in Israel. I know you were joking, but I like making things on the computer. Whats your email, I'll  send you something I made, I never printed it yet though, but it is supposed to be a cover for my laptop.

Just reading this thread today.  First of all WELCOME! Glad to have you aboard.  Now for a couple comments...

The particular fetish does not matter.  We all suffer from the same disease - LUST.  It just takes different forms. 

Also, you could have the prettiest most perfect wife, it will not help you one little bit.  Just ask the "perfect" people in Holywood.  Aint nothin holy about holywood  .

To me being disconnected from god and having a bad marriage is not ok at all,if you feel that dispite of having a negative impact on your marriage and spiritual life you are ok,you will have a very hard time commiting to stop your addiction.I only started stopping because I saw what a mess my life was I could never accomplish what I really wanted to do,I was in constant turmoil,and my wife was suffering.

Welcome my new friend.

many people (note I wrote people not monsters) here have tried the 12 step calls and have been blessed with much success through them. They start again next week. It would be a great time to join. It has saved many lives from the insanity of this illness.

However I would suggest you think about changing your name. Here many people rely on Hashem to save them from lust. and control is what many addicts waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant to have but never get there.

@me - and being dead:

just saw this posted elsewhere:

These are the things that make us: DEAD

Desires
Environment
(lack of ) Activity
Diet

These are the things that keep us: ALIVE

ATTITUDE
LOVE
(right) INFORMATION
VALUES
ENTHUSAISM



just a side thought to add to the thread:

what if.. just what if... We are NOT suffering from LUST.. but rather from D*U*S*T on the brain!!
maybe we can learn a lesson from sukkot and the 4-minim, and pull ourselves together (join a group) and SHAKE that D*U*S*T off our brains...

I am just not sure whether we should do this nusach Askenazi or nusach Sefard.

either way - is probably acceptable.

TO: "holy yid"

erm, about changing my name . . . . . .  i wish i was in control and i know that only hashem can help me and give me the strength, that is why my name is "in control BSD" the "BSD" stands for b'siata dishmaya  which means - with the help of g-d. so really, my name the long way, is "in control with the help of hashem" its more of a prayer than factual. i think its a positive name and if you know what BSD means, its not misleading. do you still think i should change my name???????????????

In control BSD wrote on 23 Oct 2011 21:55:


This question comes up a lot.  I'm reposting here something I wrote on another thread in September regarding this.  It's just my own thoughts:

It's no wonder we lust addicts have difficulty with this one.  We equate sex with lust.  After all, it's the same physical pleasure, the same physical end result.  So isn't sex with my wife lust?  Won't it perpetuate the addiction?

We addicts don't really know what mitzvas onah ("making love?") is supposed to be like or about.  I'm no different, so I really can't help.  But I do know, at least intellectually, that it has to do with the setting, the emotional content, and the purpose.

The setting:  Am I with my life partner or am I alone, or with someone else?  I think we can all see a difference here.

The emotional content:  Am I feeling love for my wife and using this encounter to further that feeling, to get even closer, to bond and become as one?  Or am I focused on just having a good time getting and giving physical pleasure (fooling around).

The purpose:  Am I just looking for relief because I've been lusting all day and if I don't do it with her you know what will happen? or, Purpose? What purpose?  I just want it!  Can't I just have what I want?  What I neeeed?  I'll even give her what she needs!  Relief of a basic animal urge, as opposed to doing it because it's a mitzva, to have children, to give my wife what I am obligated to.

If the kavanos are correct, and arousal time is limited to the encounter itself, that's not lust!

Can't relate? No prob. Try this:

Happiness and various pleasures trigger the release of the neurotransmitter dopamine in certain areas of the brain, and when this chemical binds to its target receptors, we experience pleasure -- a sense of elation and well-being.  We can take opiates (heroin, morphine, oxycontin) or other drugs that will bind to these same receptors, bypassing the need to have the actual pleasurable experience, and just feel that same sense of elation and well-being (intensified).  It's addictive.  And it requires ever escalating doses of drug to achieve the same effect (for us, kinkier fantasies and images, more dangerous liaisons).

So now our drug addict decides to recover.  He abstains from the drug.  Any small dose would cause him to relapse.  BUT WHAT ABOUT REAL HAPPINESS, LIFE'S REAL PLEASURES?  Don't they act on the very same part of the brain as the drug?

Now no one's going to say our addict shouldn't experience true happiness because it might cause him to relapse into drug taking.  Same with sex.  There's different ways to get this elaborate system fired up -- with gazing, looking at stills, movies, fantasizing, self-stimulation.  Or in the appropriate setting discussed above.  They may both have a final common pathway, but whether it's the drug or not is all in the approach.