I can't tell you all how much things have changed for me already, since discovering this group.  I am now on day 6, and still going strong.

I am married with a wonderful wife and have wonderful kids, and still, I have this problem (masturbation).  I have never done anything with anyone else, and I've always convinced myself that as a result of that, my problem was not "as bad."

I have been having this problem for so long - maybe 20 years plus, and I can't tell you how painful it has been to "try" to stop so many times.  I tell myself that I'll stop during Elul.  Then i say I'll stop during the aseret ymei ha'tshuva.  Then, as I'm davening on Yom Kippur, I promise HaKadosh Baruch Hu that I will never do it again.

But it's all been empty.

This forum and GYE has shown me that the only way I will be able to stop is to own up to the problem in a real way and count every day.

Thank you all so much for providing the means for potential recovery.

So here we are, in the middle of day 6, and all I want is to be able to log in tomorrow, and confirm another successful day.

B'ezrat HaShem.

Hey, wantingtostop, attached is the official "welcome package".
On a personal note, I want you to know that I'm very happy for you that you finally made it here and I wish you the utmost success.
My most important tip to you would be to stay on here and utilize all the tools and BE VERY INVOLVED IN THE FORUM if that helps you.
LOVE, KH

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

Thank you for your encouragement, KH.  I have already seen the amazing resources the group has to offer.  So far, so good.

And yes, I keep coming back, anytime any iota of an urge comes upon me.

Been there...done that my friend!

Your story is my story to  a tee. We could be soul brothers. This forum is great because for the first time you will have others to communicate with and your problem will not be buried in shame.

I am so happy I found this place.

Shabbos is now my most difficult day because I can't log in!

Hi Wanting to Stop,

Mazal Tov!! I am VERY happy for you. You cannot imagine how good you will feel once you have this under control.

Perhaps my story can serve as a chizuk.

I am 46 now and have struggled with these issues until I was 25. And let me tell you that when I say "struggled with these issues", I mean that thoughts of lust occupied my brain constantly from when I was 12. In other words, for 13 years, I have been absolutely obsessed with the body. And I mean obsessed 24x7. It colored my every waking moment and all of my interactions. Without exaggeration, lustful feelings filled my entire being every minute I was awake. I viewed porn in magazines, videos, made 900 phone calls, masturbated daily and was always busy "checking out" every girl I saw. This is absolutely not an exaggeration.  In those years, it was absolutely not possible for me to see a girl and not be overwhelmed with feelings of desire.

All this changed when I was 25. I went through a huge crisis, and to make a very long story short, I finally woke up and began to take charge of my life.

I have “not fallen” in 21 years and it’s over 17 years that I have not even been tempted.

Yes, it is definitely possible!!! You need to REALLY believe that you can do it.

Please realize that it is extremely hard in the beginning. You will have withdrawal symptoms and the YH will try in so many ways to get you down. It is all dimyonos. So do whatever you have to do, but hang in there because after a while it becomes SO MUCH easier and you will eventually reach a point where you will not even understand how you were ever obsessed with this. Yes, can you imagine? You can actually get to this point! Hang in there! You will be thrilled once this is past you. Again, Mazal Tov!

zev_17_years wrote on 29 Aug 2011 13:54:


zev taht is amazing. can you give some more dtail of what worked for you. It may not work for others but it just may and just hearing about someonewho has been sober for that long is an unbelievale chizuk to me. The thought of being free i mean. I am boruch Hashem sober for about 124 days.


wnating to stop- thanks for sharing your hearts desire to break free of this addiciton. Keep at it and you will get to where you want to be....!

WELCOME to our community!

Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcome. 

The idea of this addiction being behind me is hard to imagine at this early stage, but that concept and that possibility is enough to make me want to keep this going.

May we all be healed soon ...

Welcome, brother Wanting!
this is a wonderful resource for a guy like me, and I imagine from your introduction  for a guy like you. Read the handbooks and everything else in the welcome package and you will have a map for success - one day at a time.

Chevre -

I'm now at 7 clean days and counting, baruch HaShem.  My question is as follows:

What do you do if you are doing all the right things, and some external "agent" (billboard, woman dressed inappropriately, etc.) does something that triggers lustful feelings?

So far, if that has happened, I've just come straight to this forum and read some posts, and I've found it helpful.  Any other ideas out there?

First, and most obvious, look away.  Think of something else.  I have seen many other eitzas on this site.  Hopefully, someone else will chime in soon.  Be strong my friend.  People on this site have learned to change their looking and thinking patterns.  You can will too!

i heard a trick from my psycho therapist for when you want to move away your mind from something:
look at your right side & find something interesting, like a motorcycle, or a yellow cap etc...
then look on your left side & find a completely diffrent interesting thing, like a monster truck, or a tall building
then look again to your right side & now find something diffrent then the first time
usually by then you completly forgot about the trigger

Welcome Reb Stopping!

Outdoor advertisements are especially dangerous.  Over time, you will learn not to look at them at all.  If one catches your eye, BOUNCE OFF OF IT IMMEDIATELY.

Triggered?  Feeling a lust attack coming on?  Calll out to Hashem right away for help.  Tell him you are powerless over lust and only He can restore you to sanity.  Tell Him "take my lust, I DON'T WANT TO LUST."  Give up your lust to Hashem.

Alex

I've hit level 2!!!

Mazel tov!