B"H
15 Av 5771

Shalom Aleichem

I am a 17 year old Lubavicher baal teshuva. I became frum around 3 years ago and today I find myself having already finished yeshiva ketana, and well into one of the best Hebrew speaking yeshivas in Yerushalayim, Baruch Hashem. I am a very serious boy, always learning, davening, doing outreach, etc. Baruch Hashem, G-d has blessed me with the ability to find the right path already in life, the path of Torah, Mitzvos, and Chassidus.

I decided to register to the forum to hear what others have to say about one certain issue that is constantly on my mind...

I know that I am young--in a couple of months i'll be 18, and I plan on continuing with yeshiva, getting semichah, and going on shlichus as an emissary of the Lubavicher Rebbe. I have my head screwed on very well, I am known in my community as a very good bochur, smart, serious, etc.

But I am dying to get married. Mamash, I can't go by just a few hours without wishing I had my own wife, not so much for the sexual reasons-- I just have such a yearning to unite with a woman under the Torah and Hashem's will and already be m'kayem a bayis b'yisroel. I'm not sure why I feel this way, it could be because I am a baal-teshuva and before I was religious I used to be with girls, etc. But the simple fact is: I dream about getting married every night, every hour, it's a passion, and I haven't quite understood if its coming from kedusha or kelipah? =/

I spoke to my Rabbi about my desire to get married, and he told me as follows: "In order for a tree to stand strong for long, it needs to take time to properly root itself in the ground." I'm not ch"v doing aveiros at all [zera levatala], talking to girls, or anything that can be labeled as improper behavior for a yeshiva bochur--just I ask for opinions on what to do with this intense desire and yearning to meet "the one" and get married, being my age.

Thanks, Brocha V'Hatzlocha

Hello
I strongly feel that being on this site will do more damage to you than good. In fact, being on the internet will do a lot of damage to you, especially with your strong desire.
Keep talking to your mashpia regularly, and if you don't have one, get one.
Man's sexual hormones are strongest at 17, so you are on your peak of sexual curiosity etc. Don't get carried away.
It does say (in Hilchos Talmud Toiro) that if your Yetzer is strong, you should get married to get it out of the way, otherwise you need to spend all your time learning. Your age is your best explanation of your desires. Keep them clean, and your time to get married will come.
Try Kuntreis HoAvoido by the Rashab (esp. Perek Beis) and learn Tanya b'al peh. And don't come 'round here no more!

I agree. You do not belong here (I wonder who approved you  ;D :o )

You should talk to your Rebbe/ Rav /Mashpia.

I would add that you want to make should they understand you concern but I do not think we can help you.

Oh dear, I see the welcoming committee got to you already.
People, the fellow said he joined to ask a question!
He didn't say he wants to become a regular contributor!

Emes

The way I see it is, that if you take the purest bochur in the world who is ready to get married, for the purest reasons in the world, it is still abnormal to be obssessed with the idea, to think about it day and night. That being the case we can assume that your obsession is caused by non-Torahdik sources.  From where, I have no idea as you claim they do not relate to sexual matters.  Therefore, I reccomend that you figure a way to overcome this obsession and normalize your thoughts before you really start looking for a wife.

Wishing you much Hatzlacha.

a 17-year old yeshiva bochur browsing the internet in search of an answer to why he wants to get married to every girl he sees and looking for an advice from a porn-addict forum? I say I was welcoming enough....His reading one of mine or your posts when we talk about ourselves will screw him up for life. You can't unsee something like this, and it may implant in his feeble mind an idea that he, too, has a problem.
Me3 wrote on 16 Aug 2011 14:05:

At 17? I beg to differ in the strongest terms...He is a pure soul which is why instead having wet dreams he has chupa dreams, but it's all the same: raging hormones.
However, I do 100% agree with the last sentence and co-signing the Hatzlocho wishes.
Mottel

B"H
16 Av 5771

Dear posters,

Thanks for replying. From what I understood from your posts is a sense of worry that posting on here can be damaging b'ruchniyus and could hinder my growth altogether. My intention was just to reach out to Jews, like me (I am normal, and a bochur, v'chulu--but I too have my fair share of life baggage) that struggle in some way in avodas Hashem and share with you a problem that I have. True I'm not addicted to something Baruch Hashem, but I just seeked some practical advice in how to be mis'gaber on thoughts that may or may not be appropriate for me at my stage in life now. I had come across this site a few years back and was inspired by some stories I had read, so figured I'd give it a shot with my own problem, major or minor be it. If you really feel like I can't recieve any help, then I have no problem not being here. Honestly, I was just kind of surprised at the more negative response to my post than the other welcomings I've seen on the forum. As they say in Yiddish, "nee azoy, nee azoy... freilach darfmen zein" [whether it be this way or that, we'll be happy]. So I guess B'ezras Hashem, I will figure out ways to work on myself better, thank you for the few wishes of hatzlocha though.

Brocha V'Hatzlocha

Hi Emes,

I think they are just looking out for your well being.  Someone who is not addicted can be harmed by reading posts from people who are. 

As you said, it really is a welcoming bunch.

I wish you hatzlocho!