I started reading GYE recently. My shrink told me that I don't have SA but my wife still thinks I have issues.

Here's my biggest issue: My wife doesn't like sex. We’ve had other sholom bayis issues...tried counseling, books, Rabbis, etc. for years.

Bottom line: How can a frum married man live without a satisfying sex life? (If that’s not bad enough, I have PE/ED)

Please help! I need a really good therapist (clinics are a waste of time!)

Hi and welcome,

before you get the welcome 'package' it seems that it might be more fitting for your topic to be in the Married Men forum, but you would need to email eyes.guard@gmail.com for access to that.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

katchkela wrote on 15 Aug 2011 15:34:


First of all - Welcome!

Secondly, It sounds like there is more going on here.  Which is the chicken and which is the egg?

a therapist can be a lifesaver
you can easily find one at:
www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Tips/TipsTherap.asp

The Shalom Bayis issue and the lack of desire for sex may be related. Women need a calm and relaxed atmosphere to enjoy any sex at all. Very different from men who can have sex anytime anywhere.

If she is happy with you and is not stressed at all she should like it.

About 1% of women have a mental bock to sex and they find it either painful or not satisfying. I think it is called vagism or something. Look at up.

Otherwise go to a therapist. They should be able to help.

pm me as to where you live and I will tell you if I know of a good therapist.

ninety

Welcome to Gye. You mentioned that your wife think you have issues.  What issues are you referring to and what makes her think this?