Wow, can i make a apointment as well ?.
are we having a dream Gabbi ?

guardureyes wrote on 01 Aug 2011 18:42:


That is part of what Guard means when he talks about "bringing this web site to a new level."

Getting the Hebrew forum up and running is child's play.

...and you should wait and see what he's still got in store for us.

This is supposed to be top secret, but you know how if you blow up an Atom Bomb in the earth's atmophere it will nullify the electricity grid and all electrical devices within a certain vicinity will cease to operate.

We'll there's something in the works that sort of does the same thing to inappropriate internet material and to all people who are dressed immodestly.

But GYE needs your donation dollars to make this a reality.  Easy Paypal or credit card options.

--Elyah

BOOM!!!

Wow!what a story!
I feel like 'laagvokeles' because you know that I can not understand you because I do not like it but I must admit that this story has made me strong! How you win, well done!
How's my brother I hope you're getting stronger and everything is good! You le'cazek me to s'mirat anai'm and save to save that I not fall
Successfully. Thank you

Thanks for checking in, Sababa.

The particular "flavor" of our addiction is not what counts, it's recognizing it for what it is and learning how to fight it.

I just read your thread, you've come a long way already, and it gets easier with time, as the images fade away if they are ignored. I second what 90 wrote, the ones where I created an (imaginary) emotional connection in my head are the hardest to get rid of. There are certain people I see regularly that I had built an entire fantasy relationship with, every time I see them now it all tries to come back.

Don't worry about the wet dreams, it's a) your body involuntarily reacting to stopping to act out, and b) your YH trying to use it to get you depressed and discouraged.

Keep On Trucking^TM

Gevura!

Just checking in, day 18 on the 90 day chart....

Still struggling with the eyes. I am finding it easier to not see things, most of the time I am able to ignore my surroundings. However when I see something it is still a real effort to pull myself away. THe YH still has plenty of tricks up his sleeve though. Sometimes I find myself looking around the room "just to check if there is someting I ought not to look at". Sneaky bas***d, that YH!

---

Going back to something 90 wrote a while back...
ninetydays wrote on 22 Jul 2011 02:48:

I am familiar with Rav Moshe's teshuva, I just went back and read it again. He insists that it is completely unnatural and acquired and goes so far as to say that it is always a "l'hachis" because there is no natural ta'ava for it. Needless to say that doesn't make me feel really good about myself....
If you can point me to a source for Rav Yaakov's (or any other godol's) opinion on the issue I would appreciate it. I do not presume to take sides, and my determination to overcome this is as strong as ever. I would just like to see how other gedolim approach the issue.
In the FAQ and other places on this forum there is reference to a letter by Rav Feldman from Baltimore. The links just go around in circles, and I have never found the actual letter.

---

I am always finding new meaning in different parts of Davening, and finding ways to relate it to this struggle. (It's almost like I have a one-track mind. As they say, "When you feel like a nail, everything looks like a hammer" )
Here's something that I thought of recently:

I saw an article a while back from a (not-frum) "bible scholar" who claimed that the Alef Bais we have today is not in its original order, specifically that the Ayin and Peh were originally reversed. He brings all kinds of "proofs" from Tanach and other sources. I will not go into all of them and why they are all shtusim...

One of his proofs was from Tehillim 34, Ledovid Beshanoso es Taamo.. The relevant pesukim:
טז עֵינֵי ה אֶל־צַדִּיקִים וְאָזְנָיו אֶל־שַׁוְעָתָֽם
: יז פְּנֵי ה בְּעֹשֵׂי רָע לְהַכְרִית מֵאֶרֶץ זִכְרָֽם
: יח צָֽעֲקוּ וַה שָׁמֵעַ וּמִכָּל־צָרוֹתָם הִצִּילָֽם
: יט קָרוֹב ה לְנִשְׁבְּרֵי־לֵב וְֽאֶת־דַּכְּאֵי־רוּחַ יוֹשִֽׁיע

Posuk טז refers to the tzaddik, the next one refers to the rasha, and the following ones presumably refer back to the tzaddik's tefillos being answered. He therefore claims that by reversing the first two pesukim the flow of the meaning makes more sense.

I was davening one recent Shabbos morning and I suddenly realized the answer. The two pesukim of Tadi and Kuf are also talking about the Rasha! Hashem shows His anger to the rasha and threatens to remove him from the world. He cries out and Hashem hears and saves him. How can that be? The answer is in the following pasuk. Even a rasha, if he breaks his heart and subjugates his spirit, Hashem listens....

Keeping On Trucking^TM

Gevura!

GREAT POINT!!!!

keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppppontruckingggggggggggggg

10-4 Bards

wow wow great.
i am amazed that you are at your 18th day i am not there yet.

bardichev wrote on 03 Aug 2011 20:12:


man you crack me up.....

thank you  gevurah for that insight

Hello again my friends....

Yesterday was a rough day, not technically a fall but definitely a bad slip.

I spent a few hours in a place where I was surrounded by many many "triggers". I tried unsuccsessfully to ignore it but I couldn't hold out. Eventually I just gave up and enjoyed looking.... I was there for a "good cause" (you could even call it a "dvar mitzva"), but in hindsight it was a really bad idea to put myself into a situation like that. I need to remember to consider carefully before doing things like that again. Schar mitzva kneged hefseida....

The weird thing was that as much as I enjoyed looking, it was more superficial and the fantasies that usually follow would not come (I tried ). Maybe I'm getting somewhere? But I cannot allow myself to become complacent. As long as the pull is still there, even giving in a little will eventually bring it all back.

I try to imagine being "normal" and I just can't. I walk into such a place and I see "eye candy", objects of beauty and desire. What is it like to see just.....PEOPLE?

The YH is making me feel like losing that would be giving up an essential part of myself. But I want to, I want to rip it out of me, I want to give it up for my family, for my own sanity, for Hashem. Odom ki Yakriv Michem Korbon, to sacrifice part of myself. But it's so tangled into me. I need to work on it a little at a time, maybe someday it will let go....

I was afraid to go to bed last night, that's usually when everything I see during the day comes back and bites me. B'H nothing happened. I distracted myself by meditating on what I just wrote, and crying to Hashem to help me make the right choices...

Swerving back into the lane and Keeping On Trucking^TM

Gevura!

Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 08 Aug 2011 14:33:


I have no idea.  I wish I could too.  And after being clean for over 2 years, it is starting to happen a little, but I'm quick to check myself because eventually the lust guy starts taking over.  You obviously have it even harder because of what triggers you.

So good to hear of your success.  A slip doesn't necessitate a fall.  And today is a brand new day.

Shteig on!
Alex

Gevura you are rocking and rolling!

how easy it would have been to just fall and wallow in the shmutz
how easy it would be to stop fighting and just coast along

Gevura, you got the.... gevura