Thank you Zemmy. I am in touch with people by PM/Email/Chat as well as on the forum but i can't do phone or in-person. That's going to have to suffice for now.

Thanks for all the smiles, they really help.

Gevura!

Monstuh Trucker won't give up!!! 

hada hu dichsiv,
KOT  ;D



-Matisyahu

וְהָאֵשׁ עַל-הַמִּזְבֵּחַ תּוּקַד-בּוֹ לֹא תִכְבֶּה וּבִעֵר עָלֶיהָ הַכֹּהֵן עֵצִים בַּבֹּקֶר בַּבֹּקֶר וְעָרַךְ עָלֶיהָ הָעֹלָה וְהִקְטִיר עָלֶיהָ חֶלְבֵי הַשְּׁלָמִים.

Chazal tell us that even though the fire on the Mizbeach was from Shomayim, still "Mitzva Lehovi Min HaHedyot". Every day they would add wood to the fire, as if they were making it burn, but it was really a heavenly fire that needed no earthly assistance. Sill they were required to make the Hishtadlus every day.

It's the same with us. Recovery comes from Hashem, we are not doing it on our own at all. Yet every day we must put in the effort to work on ourselves and do the best we can to improve ourselves. But in the end any progress we make is all from Above.

אֵשׁ תָּמִיד תּוּקַד עַל-הַמִּזְבֵּחַ לֹא תִכְבֶּה.!!!!

We just push the pedal, Hashem is driving the truck!

Gevura!

P.S. Thank you Jewboy for inspiring me to think of this.

www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/matisyahu/aishtamid.html
www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Fire-of-Heaven-lyrics-Matisyahu/C58388C4616FD1C14825712B000AE9A0

Do you know Gantz Matisyahu Baal Peh?

hi Gevura

Just thinking about you.  If you care to share - we are eager to listen and give some emotional chizuk if we can. 

How are you doing?  Do you feel back in good Recovery shape?  Learn anything from that close call last week? Hope you are doing well! - and pressing the pedal for some serious Monstuh Trucking!

All the best,
KOP!
Be matzliach

Have2changeNOW

Thanks for checking on me, H₂.

The truth is I'm still kind of down right now. I can't seem to work up any enthusiasm for anything. Spinning my wheels in the mud. But i'm still sober, and that's good enough for now.

TZ's Matisyahu quote says it well...



Trucking, slowly...

Gevura!

You need to laugh, it's pikuach nefesh in a way.

Hey, I'm thinking of patenting a DNA testing system for detecting traces of Amalek in each of us, since according to many chassidim the trait is present in all of us today.

q.  Hey how many addicts does it take to change a lightbulb? 
a.  If there's internet access and the computer is working, who cares if the lightbulb is out?

Thanks for the smile, Edge. Yeah i think i'm detecting strong traces of 'Asher Karcha"....

ontheedgeman wrote on 01 Mar 2012 01:19:

the lightbulb is out now here, went out 28 minutes ago went back on 8 minutes ago went back out two minutes ago
hey! that's what laptops are for!

p.s. check this out www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=5075.msg133983#msg133983

p.p.s. i made a mistake quoting matisyahu it should read "my legs them stay stuck"  ;D

Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 23 Feb 2012 18:30:

Well I forget some stuff [they-them, for instance], after all


Lewis Carroll- Alice In Wonderland

But yes, I know most of Matisyahu baal peh, and most of lewis carroll's writings, and some tehillim, and several other random hebrew books i won't publicize...

YOu have to read the Biale Rebb on Parshas Zachor.  He in fact suggests there is no way to genetically identify Amalek, since most probably every is part Amalek.  But he suggests the word "Karcha" actually suggests that the quality of Amalek makes our service Kar (cold), i.e. we become indifferent in our Avodas.

Nowhere is this more evident than after a fall... people give up, they say, oh, I fell, I'm not good, I'll never be where I want... so they get cold in their service of H".

Well, guess what, that's Amalek talking.  So come on over, I'll show you what we do to that inner Amalek.

ontheedgeman wrote on 01 Mar 2012 13:17:

Make him prostrate? 

Day 25...

I think I'm slowly getting back on track, but it's been a bumpy ride. Slipping, and I can't seem to get back to the intensity of davening and learning that I had before. I just can't concentrate, and i can't make myself give a d***. I am also having a lot of stress in my life right now with the kids, the house, Pesach prep etc. and it's exhausting me, which makes me more vulnerable too.

The triggers are bothering me more lately too. And I've been having dreams again, which I had not had for a few months before. Just last night I had a very vivid dream, one of those where I am doing an act I have never done in real life. It only lasted a short time, but it had an interesting twist - it was with a GIRL! (not my wife). Does that mean I am cured? Nah, I think I'm just desperate...

Then this morning in Shul I had it really hard again, lots of strong triggers. But I found a paper on the table with a Vort that hit home...I will paraphrase it here...

וּבְהֵעָלוֹת הֶעָנָן מֵעַל הַמִּשְׁכָּן, יִסְעוּ בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל, בְּכֹל, מַסְעֵיהֶם.
Nowadays the Mishkan is in our Yiddishe home, and in our Yiddishe heart. When we are doing well, Hashem's presence is there with us. We can feel it, and it keeps us strong. But sometimes He gives us a Nisayon, and He hides from us. He takes away His presence and leaves us feeling alone, rejected, and sad. And we become so vulnerable to give up and slip back to the old ways. That is when "Yis'u Bnei Yisroel", it is time to "truck"!

Gevura!