:-* Reading the posts of other members, I realize I am not alone, however I can see I am much worse, and older, then some of you out here looking for help.

I am about 40, Good Marriage, well respected in the community (wrongfully so I may add!), and have ZERO control over my sexual life. I have done it All with all, (except Jewish Women, which was too much even for me) and as much as I used to think I can take control of myself, I realize I can not.

I am well learned, conservative in Yiddishkeite, but I started every day on Craigs (for the past 10+ years) searching for lonely women, couples and TS and the rest. I had actual relations with all of the above.

I am fast phased... I had my last fall YESTERDAY, Not really a fall since I never have gotten up, joined this forum TODAY, Installed k9 TODAY, deleted all my contacts from my sex email account TODAY and ready to become sober!

However, since my last encounter was a bare 24 hours ago, I feel strongly about recovery TODAY, however I am dead nervous for next week, or next month when I will enter a stage of lust which takes full control of me, my thinking and my actions...

Wish me good luck on this journey.

p.s. I found the site and program from a Craigs post by a recovered member of this site, trying to help other yidden.

Welcome Holy Jewishguy!

When I say holy I really mean it. Hashem in His tremendous kindness has brought you to where you are today. It sounds to me like He's been knocking on your door louder and louder, and perhaps He's finally knocked loud enough and introduced you to this Makom Kadosh!! Through a tip on Craig's list nonetheless - Malah HaAretz Kvodo indeed.

I'm actually heading off to bed, but I wanted to be the first to greet you and give you the welcoming package.....

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

Hi Jewishguy,
40 is not so old, I'm also 40. It's good you came to GYE now because addicts always break barriers and it is only a matter of time before you find an aishes ish and have relations with her. And then another married woman and another and......


I only started improving my behavior after I came to this forum. Keep posting!

it is only a matter of time before you find an aishes ish and have relations with her. And then another married woman and another and......


I guess You are right, However I just use that fact that i deliberately avoided איסור נידה ואשת איש to find something in THIS field that I can pat myself in the back! with my history I am sure would the occasion arise I would not have the strength to say no.

I guess since you are here on GYE you are neither Blind, or a beggar.

jewishguy wrote on 16 Jun 2011 23:57:


Some, but not all.  Welcome, brother.

You have an amazing power behind you at the moment, but for me, it faded.  The question is not how you are feeling now, but how you will feel when that power fades - K9 and contact cleanup certainly works for now (I still get random emails from people I once knew...), but maintaining the momentum is tough.  If I, as someone who has been (pretty much) where you are now, could give you one piece of advice, it would be to make yourself accountable to someone now, while you still have the desire and the power to do so.  Even if it is this second.  There should be no excuse or barrier to this - it will save your life.

I lapsed and relapsed a few times, and the only thing that keeps me straight is having someone with whom I have no secrets (in my case, my wife, who keeps tabs on me, by my request, but that would not work for everyone).

To reiterate, at the risk of belaboring the point: I wish that this desire of yours to change will be this strong for the next 80 years.  For me it wasn't.  Use this time NOW to make it impossible (or very difficult) to go back.  Stopping in a way that is not "irrevocable" is just a salve to ease a guilty conscience.  Filters can be broken or discarded, and in my experience, a contact list takes 1 week to fill up, with new and/or old people.

Dear Jewishguy

My heart bleeds for you. Perhaps you are in fact "worse" then others on this site (Hard to say how Hashem keeps score) but sex and lust addiction is just progressive the longer you stay the lower you fall, the more depraved you need to get to get your previous thrill (like any drug addiction).  So if you are worse it just means you've been riding the down elevator a little longer, all of us would get to where you are if we let ourselves continue in a free fall.

That said, you will not be able to beat this alone. You are a sex addict (say that to yourself out loud 10 times) you need an SA group and a sponsor and a group and all the help you can possibly get.

Obviously you seem to be able to get free at will so it shouldn't be too hard for you to attend groups.

Are you willing to make the plunge? To do what it takes to break free?

Or is this just to assuage some of your guilt?

Hi JewishGuy -

You are AMAZING for coming on this site!!! Think about all the times in the last where you had the feeling of worthlessness and wanted to change but you didnt. We make excuses when G-d gives us these jolts and desires to change. By coming onto this site you show that you took the initiative and you DID come to get help.

Its a long drive!! It has bumps!!

Realize that noone clears all the hurdles. We all fall each in our own way!!

Please post constintly!! We are all routing for you!!

ninety

ninetydays wrote on 17 Jun 2011 14:12:


Speak for yourself.  I didn't ever fall.

I took nosedives, crashed and burned!

[quote="TheJester" link=topic=4002.msg108901#msg108901 date=1308317340]
jewishguy wrote on 16 Jun 2011 23:57:


Well, my wife is not an option... I am thankful to Hashem that NO ONE knows of my maybe over 100 encounters over the past 20 years. Whom would you recommend as a person to be accountable for? is an Anonymous Member good enough, or someone that knows me and may me  embarrassed of him?

שבת שלום ותודה רבה

jewishguy wrote on 17 Jun 2011 17:27:


I think you just answered your own question, and know the answer in your heart...  Most Rabbis are extremely understanding - in my own experience.  Some might not be quite so, though.  Someone brought up SA above - considered it?

Shabbat Shalom!

Well, I do want to start SA next week.

So wish me good luck in my adventure here. and good luck to you as well.

Me3 wrote on 17 Jun 2011 14:09:


Well My heart doesn't bleed for my self, I am neither Resentful, angry, sad or broken! perhaps I am too cocky, which may of let it go on so long. All I know that this is WRONG, DANGEROUS and needs to STOP!

It would of been perhaps more exciting laying on my death bed some years from now knowing that I never done all this, however that is the least of my concerns, All I want to know is that I die having done תשובה and worked on becoming a new person on the second half of my life on this crazy planet. 

welcome welcome welcome.
about the accountability option, just cus you tell your wife or whoever you want to be your partner doesnt tell them that you have issues with this topic,    just tell your wife that you hear rabbi A twerski give a shiur (or any rabbi of your choice) and he said that we all need to add kedusha to our homes and he said that adding kedusha means getting rid of any possible tumah so he said that everyone even those who dont have issues with lust should get accountibility on their computer.
if you say it like this then it doesnt tell whoever you tell that you are having lust issues, it shows them that you just want to add kedusha to your home.
what do you think?

It makes sense if you have a Porn issue or browsing site that are against קדושה however, I am mush further then that I can never tell her I have slept with other's and I need her help!

A Rabbi or a Chushiva Yungerman would be the best choice!

jewishguy wrote on 17 Jun 2011 13:05:

If you want to know why I am called Blind Beggar, just click on this.