Bh I love coming
To this site :-) ;D

Is our house 'spotless'?.. Nope.. Is it a 'mess'?... Well sort of.. Even though it's late and my beloved wife gave me the time to learn, I clean up whatever things I can to try and help in whatever small way I can.. She works very hard to.. 'Take the actions and the feelings follow'.. 

Ok, so a bissele more recovery in action...

My immediate manager is a very hard working older woman in her late 50's. She likes my personality; we work well together (no sa related stuff, BH)..

BUT(!)... She's an aggressive frum workaholic! Just like 'one of the guys'. She pounds on the table ALL DAY, upset about 'this and that' and 'getting things done! Etc... VERY loudly!
Yesterday I 'gave in' to her 'anger', in order to help her resolve something: or so I thought! In 5 seconds, her & I were in a screaming match about 'the issue'.

What? Do I wake up in order to be screaming at people? No way baby. My system don't get along w/anger at all.

So I sent her this email before work today..(And purposely came in late)...

"Mrs....,

Do you realize how many, many fathers I know who have lost their families and all brochos by 'working like a horse who pounds on the desk all day'? It may indeed work for you, but if I'm gonna start pounding, huffing, biting and grinding my teeth, and feeling hate towards someone while I fake smile and talk to them, it's only gonna be over helping more yiddeshe neshomas, not over gelt.

If you need me to 'huff and puff' also, then maybe it's better to have someone else work with you: someone more 'normal' who realizes the value of 'stress' and aggravation as part of a happy daily jewish experience.

See u soon "

When I got to work, she called me to a quiet area of the office, apologized, and said "I'm very stressed out, I know. I like working with u. Keep a pushka on ur desk. Every time I bang from anger I'm gonna put a dollar in. I'll learn. I'm sorry"... The rest of the day BH was a normal day with normal headaches.. No aggressive anger...

This was also part of the email I sent her... "BH I've seen wondrous miracles choosing a calm attitude towards life (obviously while showing up on time and doing the best I can) with a smile. I've seen time and time again how, while trying to control everything we yidden actually PREVENT greater miracles from coming to us."

(Sorry, just walking, copying and pasting too fast :-) )

10 I'm teaching Tanya from sa point of view starting ch 10 phone conference 1-712-429-0690 Participant PIN: 225356
Feel free to 'listen in' please I plan on teaching slow w/clear explanation

'Non-religious' mom is visiting.. Most peaceful nap in a long time :-).. ZERO worry @ all w/her & kids.. They teach HER about yiddishkeit and she dresses tznius and respects our home 

What a wonderful Shabbos/33 b'omer w/my mother. She's 'not-frum', but more 'at ease' than many 'frum' people I know. She asks questions and BH my wife children and I gently answer. No one taught her anything about our yerusha and I know HER parents & what happened to her as a child. She loves learning. The second I begin to think 'I'm better than her because I'm frum' is the beginning of my downfall. everyone is doing the best they can with the tools and experience they have. Some of us are just (for now) wired w/a virus in the hardware.

What helped (and helps) me deal w/$$$ issues..

Pirkey avos ch 3 last few words of mishna 17 ".. And in a time of drought he has nothing to worry about".. Sha'ar Habitachon helped me immeasurably... I've been in court 3 times facing
eviction in 4 years,, BH kids r happy and succeeding in learning, Shalom Bayis strong, etc.. Gamorra says "be careful w/children of poor people; from them Torah will emerge." Meetings, phone calls, and chavrusas with FIXED (unbreakable) TIMES  for learning are vital..'Enough bread for today' got yidden through many generations.. Asking for help pulled me through too.. One day, and miracle, at a time..(Ps, being 'poor' I didn't lose 1 penny on the stock market, and my (non-existent) car has never been towed :-). )

Hayom Yom, Nissan 9
Jewish wealth is not houses and gold. The everlasting Jewish wealth is: Being Jews who keep Torah and Mitzvot, and bringing into the world children and grandchildren who keep Torah and Mitzvot

The little fish, just sitting there bored, doing nothing, who looks like he's really got nothing going on and is confused how he ended up in the tank, is much, much better off than the 'exciting chicken' dancing around as the 'life of the party', with his head cut off. Do I feel enormous confusion and some pain right now?.. U bet I do. Has Hashem left me alone? U bet He hasn't.. Boring and confused is just fine with me..

(Kaf ha'chayim writes: "R. Chaim Vital, the main talmid of the Holy Ari, said the main reason for his ruach ha'kodesh was saying brochas w/kavana." Time to daven mincha, another day sober, and bring even more kedusha into my simple life with more brochas.. Ashreynu.. Regardless if we're bored or not

As for this 'struggle' we go through, our complete and entire existence as 'b'nay Yisroel', the 'children of Israel' describes our very existence...

How did Ya'akov get this name 'Yisroel'?..

'Ki sarisa im  elokim v'anashim..'

'Because he wrestled with angels (spirituality) and men (physical world)'

Our entire experience is defined by a 'struggle'

With friends and real happy avoda, it is a MOST rewarding 'struggle' deserving of the greatest smiles and happiness..

We always are guaranteed the end of that very same verse..

"... Va'tuchal". (Even though we wrestled) .."And you were victorious".

It was never supposed to be easy... And still, it's worth every second.. "The worst thing about the challenge of life, ...is not taking it" 8)

Every day it's permissible, I make a point to give my wife at least one hug a day. I was never aware of just how much she needs my complete affection. Her entire being becomes calm and settled by her husband's (me) touch. Soon in the middle of my stress, when I hugged her, her complete calm became so soothing for me (because I have zero other ladies I am hugging). It began to settle me as we have a 'clear moment' amongst all the noise and stress, we look into each other's eyes for a good moment of connection. My goal is a happy family with Hashem and yiddishkeit. We connect (and fight sometimes :-)) and build a life as we are bound to each other. I just walked in the door and immediately sat down next to her so we can connect. I am part of her life.. I love her..the children are growing/succeeding (and BH right now sleeping). This is serenity...BH

Serene,

This thread is GREAT! Thank you for your little messages!!!!!!! Keep 'em coming!

I'll 2nd that