""I tried to drown my problems with lust, but found out that my problems float"

do you still have a telephone shiur going on?
lechoira tanya =fight yourself through contemplation etc.(although hakb"h oizro)
sa=Hashem does it through you ,by you being mevatel yourself for him to take over.

No. No phone shiur lately. SA has multiple nightly phone meetings. I highly suggest them.

oh ok

do you have any comments on my tanya/sa vort?

:-) they overlap...  But your're ight too

MANY times Tanya says clearly to stop thinking and DO what is right... And many times in SA it becomes a war in the mind and heart just to stay connected to Hahsem..  Tanya was never introduced to me as a 'intelectual' book.. Rather it was shown as a lifestyle... More to say but I have to daven now

Feel like I'm falling .. Feels like day 1.. Overwhelmed. Tired.. Out of shape..

I agree that Tanya is a lifestyle, and a demanding one at that.  Would love to continue this conversation, and maybe play a devil's advocate in bringing up certain criticism of the holy Sefer shel Beinonim, but more pressing matters now:
don't fall, friend, you know how you're gonna feel afterwords. Feel it now. Use all your fences or set up new ones.
KOT!

Passing out as we speak mottel.. Look forward to more dialogue.. Bh still no fall..

...."bH still no fall." That is absolutely great!

Is you could be guaranteed to remain in this state for the rest of your life (to 120), would you accept it? Or honestly, would you feel like it is a tragedy, still?

If I am not living today as I wish to live today, given who I really am and my true abilities and limitations, then I cannot be at peace with myself. I will not be at peace with other people and will not be at peace with G-d. And then no matter how assur they are, porn and  sex with myself (masturbation) will not seem bad alternatives to that way of living. You and I are simply not 'good' enough not to feel we need to reach for that, then. Humility shows us this. Gayvoh hides it from us.

We need to do right and takse the steps necessary, go to any lengths needed, in order to grow up for today.

Is that what you are talking about here, or is it off the mark? What does your heart tell you?

Bless you at least 1000 times over dov.. If you happen to ever see the news (which I never recommend, and BH don't seek for myself), you'll see that over labor day weekend 58 shootings occurred in NY.. The vast majority and most serious ones, were within blocks from my apartment.. Coupled with the 17 year old jewish boy who jumped from a building rooftop to his death... Also 3 blocks away from my home...

I imagine that everything you wrote is %100 right on the mark...  It's just way too hectic and astoundingly obnoxious in the city for me to take 'real honest philosophy' too seriously right now..

BH our family is very happy amazingly (and surprisingly?) enough... And as we all know... "Lo ha'midrash ikar... Elah ha'ma'aseh"... It's perfectly ok (and normal)to feel like crap, and lost, sometimes, as long as the correct deeds get done..

Granted, we all go through stages so I imagine this will pass too..

I've just seen enough guys with 'good sobriety' whose kids still got a 'bad deal' in life... Part (not all) of which had to do with the father 'taking care of himself'and simply 'not being home' and/or cutting (serious) corners in yiddishkeit.

It's most certainly not enough for me to be inspired with guys in program! I'm BH a yiddeshe husband and father too, which these days obligates one to 'also' be boring, confused and simultaneously calm, at home.

It's the boring, confused and calm part which I'm accepting and learning how to handle right now..


That said, your visit quite an honor... But hey homeboy (!) Go home to the fam sometimes and let the kids see you do nothing and still smile :-)

(I know your stance on the 'virtual connections' and absolutely agree: it aint NUTHIN' like the real thing)

Thanks. Our b'chor had a father who was not really happy that he was born. Hos father tried hard top hide it and was decent in many ways and a good father in many ways - but a horrible father in others. Though his father was in early (and very rocky) recovery from that boy's ages 7-10, some patterns were established as early as infancy, no doubt.

I shudder to think what things would have looked like now had that father not started recovery and had not gotten sober by the grace of G-d operating in his real life.... When the wife and I look at how many challenges the young man has inside him, we are left with a choice to see things positively - or negatively. If we see them negatively, G-d forbid, all is lost in that foolish despair.

We are doing the best we can now, just as our son (who has some wonderful qualities) is doing - the best he really knows and believes how to do.

Hatzlocha and thanks for your chizzuk.

Sobriety leads to improvements in every area of our lives, for we are forced to finally do our steps 4-7, and our steps 8-10 and 11, as well...just to stay sober. On the way, the side-effect is that we get better to live with and happier with what we have.

Again, it's a real pleasure to converse with you.. I mean it.  You don't need my reinforcement to say "yes, absolutely.. Positive thinking is the only way to go in ALL things.. ESPECIALLY our children.. (I'm so heaven-bent(!)On the well being of our children and families).. I once read from the Lubavitcher Rebbe (what can I say I'm a lubav.. Forgive me?) That "it's so important to even just look upon the children with a positive eye: this itself will have an enormous long lasting affect on them" (I also just heard Rav Reisman's Yirmiya-hu shiur too.. Pretty amazing!..I'm BH not 'locked' into lubavitch FYI)

There's MUCH to say about positive thinking and wow am I tired.. Time to sleep..

But I wanted to add: a rav (I don't know who) wrote to the Rebbe once for a brocha for 'peace of mind', to which the Rebbe answered: "peace of mind!?!  Peace of mind?!? Our world and our children are burining and you want peace of mind!?! Our people NEED you! Be of service and help the jewish (and non'jewish) world!"

(While putting in 'extra' effort, I don't mind being uncomfortable sometimes, like now)

Either way, you are a wondrous individual in my estimation and I sincerely wish you (and all of us) MUCH MUCH nachas from our families and ourselves in Hashem's blessed world. All of the effort spent for kedusha in our lives should (and most definitely will) pay off big for us all. With much blessing and friendship, your friend, yosef.      A kasiva v'chasima tova in absolutely all things!

Amein, Yosef. Thanks again for your chizzuk to this slowly recovering person and a kesivah vachasima tovah to you and all of us. The people on this site are a special node of some kind in the universe. The change that is happening in people and in families be"H here is something so precious it cannot be measured.

Love,

Dov

I guess this is to Dov, but maybe both of you.  My kids are basically grown, 32 21 18.  Years ago I used to look at them and could not get free of the guilt I felt about the damage I could see I had done to each one.  (fortunately they had mothers who loved them well, and protected them from me for the most part.) 

I know this isn't the same situation as you guys are describing.  But what IS relevant is that all three of my kids have figured out lives for themselves that work.  One is seriously bipolar, and despite that has worked out a life that supports herself and keeps many friends around her to help when the swings happen. 

I wish for you that your children with God's help will find their own ways that work for them.