Great Job!!
That is very impressive.
Your question is not new or original. It is one of the most difficult that recovering addicts must face. "Great. While in rehab, I am fine. But what happens in the real world?" Sound familiar?
Although Dov does not need my haskama, I will say that I completely agree with him in theory. I say in theory, because it is not at all easy to do. I would like to add one drop of perspective however. I believe there are different levels of triggers, and therefore different correct responses. Example: There is a HUGE difference between seeing a pretty, young, Frum, modestly dressed woman shopping in the bakery, and seeing a gorgeous, scantily clad goyishe teenager prancing around and showing off her assets. Both may be triggers, but they are on very different levels. While the modest one may be a trigger only to an addict, even the most well adjusted, in control of his eyes type of guy, would have a problem with the second. So what's the point? Good question. I'm working on it......................
I think that what Dov is suggesting, and what you were able to do so well and effectively, is expected, and attainable by trigger #1. She is not Be'etzem a problem, but I make her into a problem. By refocusing my mind to make her back into a regular normal human being, I can successfully neutralize that trigger. But in case #2, with all due respect to Dov, (and a lot is due) I do not feel like I personally am capable of reframing the situation to see the "real person behind the external trigger". In that case my only recourse is to run, hide, remove my glasses, bump into walls, but retreat to safety as quickly and effectively as possible.
I believe that there are special people out there, and Reb Dov may be one of them, who can also effectively reframe trigger #2. But even if I were to be capable of that eventually, I feel like I am still too raw in my recovery to accept that challenge upon myself. So I feel like as far as the Frum trigger, that I must reframe immediately in order to live in a normal society. But whenever trigger #2 comes prancing by, I'M OUTTA HERE!!!!
And that's my one cent on the matter!! (The economy is so bad, my 2 cents are now worth only one!!
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