Well - its takes time to learn and instill something in to your blood. But would that do the job?

I am starting to lean to no as my answer. because the same way as we got here in the first place when we were somewhat honest would replay.

If you are an addict, then you don't break your tayvah even when you do not act out anyway, so why do you even care? This is irrelevant, I think.

HM, I don't think honesty is the biggest issue here. (as a disclaimer, I'm not positive what honesty you are referring to, but I think my point is worthwhile regardless.) A gadol once said, "the idea of working on yourself (he used the word mussar) is to make the heart feel what the mind knows." Meaning, on an intellectual level, I know that xyz is wrong. I can quote many seforim that detail the exact issurim involved, as well as the consequences. It's not the knowledge that we lack, nor the honesty with ourselves(generally-not always.). It's the ability to take the info we have and know, and translate it into action. Make the heart feel what the mind knows. We say in shema, "velo sasuru acharei levavechem..." Why our leiv? Because it's our heart that messes us up, not our heads. It's exactly like you said, it wouldn't help, because the same way you got here in the first place would replay. We must work more on the emotional angle, and less on the intellectual level(although both are necessary and important.)
Hatzlacha, man! Keep up the awesome work!

regularbachur - Thanx. Very impressed! I will think about that.

Please do! It's how I live my life. It's constantly on my mind. I know xyz is wrong. I wanna do it anyway. How will I deal with this situation? Who's gonna win, head or heart??

The step people say that it doesn't matter (but most people I know will tell you that surely the heart will eventually win). They say "GET OUT OF THE RING! JUST GET OUT!"

Oh man i better get out of the ring. I haven't done my  push ups in a while.

Wow today is Yesod and be'hab on the same day. Gevalt!

Talking about "just get out of the ring" my wife just got back from her six month ultrasound and was told that the baby may have signs of down syndrome. Ohh .... All i can say say is I AM OUT OF THE RING - MAN! I AM POWERLESS.

hey, my son is going for a brain scan on two weeks, and i am also powerless! wer'e like brothersimmature 5th grade humor!

so i just gotta work to accept life on God's terms, admit my fears and work program! i know if i dont, i will die

for me it is not a matter of emunah anymore, it is life or death

tzaddik bi'emunaso yichyeh is more to me than most of my friends.

in fact, so is the old line ''and now a word from our sponsor'' (i thought of that one today in the bais medrash)

i have a fatal case of ''self will run riot'' disease

it has me in life's throes

i'm a gosess

resentment and fear to me is not like poison

it is poison

so is defiance at God for his plan

my _____ acts out with men
my family is abused by dad
they are all really messed up, it has made me cry many a times
my sister is often to threaten suicide
i struggle with TWO addictions
i have much more to add to this list
i hate some people, such resentment, with so much violence
i am judgemental, i am full of fear around the clock

it threatens my sobriety,
and that threatens my sanity, and very life and usefulness in the world

so i gotta say "god, please grant me theserenitytoacceptthe things i cannot change

i cant ever change that i'm an addict
i cant pick my family for more supporting loving normal ones
i would probably not care even if they were not frum, i would just want them to not be so messed up
i would wish i can have more money so that my wife doesnt too often cry about when and how we will buy a house/we are using up our savings

God, please do for me what i cannot do for myself. I am as willing as the dying can be to consider that you have a plan, and that is the plan. i am willing to do your will. no, im not. but im willing to walk towards that eventuality. i want to want.

thy will, not mine be done.

hey, there really is already a master plan?
there is already a plan?
And God replaces the God of self will, self propulsion, self centerdness, fear,

and tzaddik90 will walk to real freedom for the first time.

and what the dickins is heuni massass supposed to mean? is this temani or parsi? or i cant believe its not butter?

Tzadik 90- wow you knocked some sense in to me there. Yup - now we need to learn how to sing to the beat. 

Dear HM,

I deeply sympathize with you and your wife. You are obviously slowly getting healthier and getting well. Now is the time  - now, no matter what happens, easy and nice or difficult and not as nice - for you to stay serious about not taking yourself so damn (sorry) seriously. I know that sounds funny, but it's true. That will help you stay on the path of recovery that you are choosing for yourself, whatever it may be. It will help you get out of the way of Hashem and others.

In addiction - oops! I meant, "In addition"...I do that all the time - it will enable you to put your wife (and best human friend in the world) absolutely first for you, in every way. It will enable you to work the steps (or whatever else you decide to use for living your life right) without getting all bogged down in trying to figure out and inderstand the hows and whys for everything. You are not G-d and you are not even the only person in the universe. The world and it's history and even your family...does not revolve around you. You seem to begin to grasp that already. These are things that seem so obvious and silly to even say, but are nearly impossible for most us to really believe.

You are a very, very fortunate man. When we act out and hide on our little corner to drink the blood of our private little self-pleasuring sessions, we get bitten with this childish notion that the world in it's entirety revolves around us - this moment and the orgasm I am feeling are indeed all that matter. It's vital, it's precious, it is reality.....and it's not. It's just a little blip on the screen of this real and giant world that includes a sweet, loving wife who needs you, kids who need you (or will need you iy"H), and the lives of others who need you.

You, (whatever your real name is) are a very fortunate man.

Alei vehatzlach!

dov wrote on 10 May 2011 21:22:


Ok- I think we need Bards to come and explain how to get serious about not being serious.

I guess it takes working on our real feelings- What do I mean? there are times (like when my wife told me the news) that I except it with" hashem has a plan and i am not getting in the way, Nor will i get excited about it. " and i even feel deep down like its all for the good and end of story. Now that may be emuna. But in reality I am not sure if its a way to disconnect from real feelings. It may be a cover up not to fear and get worked up... I dont know?

Anyway- instead of thinking what i am thinking. I'll just try living and appreciate the gift of living.

heuni memass wrote on 11 May 2011 19:06:


bardichev wrote on 29 Mar 2011 17:51:

Excellent!