I know there is right and there is wrong. I've felt the life with the 12 steps( serenity) and lately not been with the program. I guess what else is new.

I am not new- I am a tired old worn out man. That knows whats right and knows whats wrong. I think the difference is knowing or living!

Anyhow- shalom Aleichem to all the fellows that are here since i've been here. 

Its time to rejoin! and rejoice!

I have everything going for me b"h (thats what i believe )and yet I still go to the devil.

Its simple: its all excuses.

hi and welcome (back)!
methinks we could always use some rejoicing as well as some rejoinders

I see you got it right ZS you dont use I, only me(we) .

ZemirosShabbos rejoices when he has a good rejoinder!


Hello Reb Heuni Memass,

Do we know each other?

Via another name maybe? 

maybe

It makes no difference- I am a new man. (will be ayh)

In ma'as, we are all ani'im. Join the club, whoever you are.

Just to add some more detail- my biggest tayva on a constant basis is to go to chat rooms. And that is hard because it sounds like its not THAT bad.

But what ends up happening
lie /Dishonest to other people ( no i dont say i am married with children, frum etc.)and to my wife.
It leads from talking to worse things- and that is flat out crazy.
The taiva can make me end up in jail (yes sometimes they would be under 18.
it is addictive. it can hold me from morning till night.
I would skip minyan mincha/mariv because there is no time to get there. its too late and i need to be home.
and so much more....

Oh i need to get this banged in too my head for once....

Can you guys help me... how crazy is this?

heuni memass wrote on 03 May 2011 21:51:


I can certainly relate to you. We are maddening, indeed.

How about this:

You are powerless over your desire to use chat rooms (as evidenced by the fact that you cannot really stay free of it and end up going back to them, sooner or later) and you are suffering from a mild mental illness that "it's not so bad" even though it messes you up, can get you arrested, and can get you hooked up with other sick people like you. And that would ruin your marriage and change your life forever...though it would have a ~50% chance of helping you finally do what you really need to do in order to remain free of it, be"H.

If you hear any personal criticism or any insult in anything above, that's too bad, but I can't help it. For I do not mean it that way at all - why would I, for I am alsocompletely powerless against my crazy desires that would ruin my beautiful life...I am an addict! But I am sober, nonetheless.

There. Does that help at all?

heuni memass wrote on 03 May 2011 21:51:

i totally relate to chat rooms, its one thing that caused me much much much problem in my battle

heuni memass wrote on 03 May 2011 21:01:


My problem was phone chat groups...cuz they didn't invent the chat room yet back then!

...and you think you are an 'old man'!

There is tons of hope for you, bro!

Thanks HS and Dov for the replies.

Dov- dont worry about talking harsh that's the only thing that would work when dealing with loonies like us. (oh i dont know if people here would like that expression - well then loonies like me). Anyhow - I was around before the chat rooms as well - phone chat was only using hearing and talking, now we are a world were the eyes are involved as well and that takes it directly to our minds with out any rest areas on the way. Oh - thank g-d i was still partially sane then.

To be as honest as i can - I still dont feel powerless. Because my sprees are spread out from spree to spree  and are controllable ( i dont miss appointments or come home late- minyan i did, humm.. even though its not the way i usually act,um) 

I know that there lies the real problem- but i am being honest. Sure i wont to stop while on top(well i dont know if i am- i guess i convince myself i am) but my heart dosn't really feel the powerlessness.

But the more i thing about it- it's not that i am not a sexaholic its just the flavor of choice currently. I am sure i would switch flavors in a blink based on circumstances. So i know - I am a sexaholic.

Anyways- lets thank Hashem for today... Zeh Ha'yom Asah Hashem... Hashen gave us a nother day - Nagilah venismicha bo - Lets rejoice and be besimcha my friends.

Have a good chodesh.

sometimes it can help to read stories of others who did reach rock-bottom and ruined their lives by following their lust.

in a way chat rooms are more of an immediate threat to ones marriage and family because there is another live, real person involved. as opposed to porn or masturbation where one can easily delude oneself into saying that no one is being harmed or personally involved besides oneself. (just illustrating a point, not passing judgment on what is 'worse').

heuni memass wrote on 04 May 2011 13:35:

Amen, same to you!

Shalom and welcome aboard-

I can relate to your struggles. Hang out here instead - its safe, fun, and sometimes interesting 

David

ZS- Thanks for the advice. Your point that it maybe worse for marriage...maybe. The amazing thing is, no mater how terrible for marriage it was yesterday (if i would be caught) today we believe its a new day and i am just going for a silly chat to waist time... Nuts!

I guess sometimes we use one day at a time to forget were it got us yesterday. :o