Rambam Hilchos teshuva of course. Somewhere in 1st 3 perukim I think (I'm too old to know for shure this moment :-) ) have me in mind when u find it young man.. I'm inspired beyond words by you (3 hrs later: it's perek 2 halacha 1. I was seeking halacha 2 when I remembered that one. Halacha 2 says that when one does proper teshuva "Hashem testifies that he won't return to his old ways again"...

I cant stand waiting for a girl to get back to me bout dating. It makes me feel so dried out. Every one else can sit and talk to girls, and I need to wait and wait for a girl to agree to meet me, maybe only once. Sometimes this culture is really challenging. All right enough ranting. I feel a lack of connection, a gaping hole, and I am tempted to throw in the towel, whatever that means. Sometimes carcasm and negetivity help, but it really just digs my hole of isolation deeper. i find it really hard to stay positive when I'm in these situations. Going jogging
Gut shabbos to all.

I didnt even make it to jog yet I realizd youtube wasnt blocked on my computer. Now it is, but I lost control fo a few minutes. oyyy is all I could say now. I was in perfect falling condition, and what I saw on youtube made me feel numb which is worse than feeling empty. I'l go on a short jog. plan B b'simcha

Thanks so much for reminding me how silly it would be for me to look up youtube at work! It's easy to forget with everybody else 'living off of it' around me, over there.

One thing: You keep calling these people you are trying to date, "girls". Aren't they really women? Or are you trying to marry a girl, rather than a woman? C'mon, let's call them women if that's what they are.

And if they are girls, then does that make you a boy? Personally, I'll bet you are not a boy, but a man. I'd never call you a boy.

What do you say (homeboy) ;D?

your right about the girl thing dov. Somehow in shidduchim the terms boys and girls are used. One hypothesis is that until you get married your not a  real man or a women at least in the "frum" world. As is the case with many "frum things" I am quite puzzled by it now that you baught it up.
About the you tube thing, it really is scary how me isolated, feeling down + accessible lust material = a pathetically uncontrolable creature. Yet I know I am not really this. because I know what came before the fall. All the you tube viewing did was show me how emty and needy I really was at that moment for connection, and if I cant get real connection Ill settle for you tube. This scares the heack out of me!!!!

Don't be puzzled nor scared - just do something about it, bro. Do it.

You should work for NIKE.
Any ways your right, I need to spend more time getting out of isolation rather than talking about how I feel being in isolation and the repricussions of it. Its just so hard for me being a naturally withdrawn person to have the healthy amount of interaction that I need not to get down, and reach for the "bottle", when there is an unsealed "bottle" around. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Having no idea what a healthy degree of interaction would look like, myself, all I can say is that what helped me was (and often is), writing and communicating with others more about my facts and less about my feelings.

Try to do something with that....

Uch, I just waited a few days for a "woman' to get back, and she said no. Thats a fact not a feeling, you dont want to know the feeling.

Dear Luuuustig,

So sorry. I was wrong again. I doubt you are an addicts at all, but sound to me like a guy with lust. Heck, every tom, dick, and harry has lust...if you've got testosterone, the right body parts, and the brain made to use them, you've probably got lust, too.

I am referring to addicts. Sick people like me, who want to get better. Sorry for confusing your issue - one that needs sensitive and practical advice - with something that needs a vacuum cleaner.

I am serious. Get really, really open about your feelings and thoughts with a trusted and relatively normal, well-adjusted person who you respect. Follow his advice and daven at least three times every day for His mercy to help you think right and be a decent fellow, and not a baby.

We all need that, but addicts just have another elephant in the room, so their derech must be different, as far as I can see.

Seriously, go for it. Just sharing on this virtual (somewhat fake) GYE forum is probably not enough for you. In fact, it may cause you to just get even more wrapped up with your obsessions and worries. Using a real person is far better at getting real results. I think. 

Hatzlocha!!

Hey luustig. I'd honestly be shocked if u can't find a 'trustworthy friend' in a bochur your age or a bit older, or even younger. Or a married friend. Like the son of your rosh yeshivah or something. If there isn't at least ONE yid you see as 'refined' 'erlich' 'a good guy'(from a Torah point of view), I would find that beyond belief. Seriously. Someone you could/should ask for a 'few moments' to speak to in a calm, 'not so rushed' setting. Another yid to 'hear your heart' and 'see your soul' in your eyes while you are at this point in your life. There are many 100's of young guys in your shoes now. Anyone who has 'what to offer' with sincerity will surely do so. No one will 'fix you'.. But with a 'trusted friend' you will gain a much much more healthy perspective untill you reach the next phase of life which will surely happen as you progress and think good thoughts. Your friend, serene (I'll check what u wrote on my thread soon )

Oh, and yep, jogging is a great thing to keep up! Just stay hydrated in the heat

Great advice! And personally, even if the other (safe) person you choose to keep up and open with is not an addict - and to me, that means that there is a greater likelihood that they will say silly and useless things )like warning you not to do it and trying to stop you from ruining yourself with warning and advice, etc...basically useless and silly) - still, it is not so much what they tell you that will help you, I think - but what you tell them. we are as sick as our secrets. period.

dov wrote on 30 May 2011 15:05:


dov this sentence makes me a haidache...
but its probably cause i dont know or understand nothing about sa meetings and stuff...

Ok la'ag..

"Sick as our secrets"=  every little 'dirty' secret we keep, that we really don't want anyone to know about (G-d forbid!) makes us a little sicker, not well, krank, in the mind, heart and neshoma.

Everything against Toras Emes that makes us 'detached' from other people, takes us the same distance away from Hashem.

So if someone has lots and lots and lots of 'smelly and dirty' little secrets, then automatically they are VERY VERY far from Hashem.

Get it?

(And if u still don't get it is the best proof of how sick you are now...

Uber, allemen zaynen a bissileh krank..

Some are just VERY sick)