How ya all doing.
This is my first post. Can anyone give me any info about a group of bachurim(single men) who are in touch supporting eachother in these inyanim.
sincerely,
Luuustig

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

hey man,
I'm a single bachur as well. I'll send you a message with my info so we can talk.

-miracles

I am a single man. I have always been just me.

;D

unfortunately to my knowledge these inyanim doesn't card us at the door if we are single.

SO we are all in it together.

Stick around and you'll get to know lots of single guys..

As Dov said "I am a single man. I have always been just me" and i feel the same. I am single in this -even though i have this group. However - its all up to our self and no one else.


How have you been luuustig?

Better to ask, "How have you been lusting?" No fear is needed, Get the truth out sooner than later. Nobody here is looking for a tzaddik in anyone else, and neither looking for the rosho in us to point a finger. No way. We are here to finally get all the truth out and really - really - get better. Life is not that long. Go for it, my friend.

Much love,

Dov

Wow you guys are bloody honest!
Any way, Im still a bit weary as to were i stand in terms  of this addiction. Ive gone many months without seeing porn since i ve got a great filter. Recently I got a new cell phone and whooops. i down loaded the internet and went nuts.... Thank G-D I blocked my access that night. The point is I feel OK when I dont have direct access to shmutz, and  I dont just act out for the fun of it. But when i do have access Im lost, and as good as dead (maybe even worse).
Any ways I feel like im going in circles, so what the heck I might as well hang around with you guys.                    B'yididus          Luuustig

Hey luuustig, why don't you try gatting a partner or a sponsor? If you're sincerly interested in cleaning yourself up, it helps a lot knowing that you are going have to answer to someone the next morning.

you're right RB. And baruch hashem Im In touch with people. Being on a call is really helpful as well. About the sensitive issue. We addicts dont spend too much time speaking about the problem we live in the solution. Speaking about our problem only digs our hole deeper. No one is interested in delving into the details of your problem. People want to connect to speak about life. Real life not what we used to call life.
Thanks for your advice
Luuustig

What I mean by this is that every morning, you must call, or email, a specific person, and tell them about the previous day. Yesterday was clean, b"h, or unfortunatly, I messed up. But each day, you know that you are going to have to answer to this person the next day. Since I started this (3 days ago) I've been emailing a big rav in my community with a report of the previous day.

Nice idea, but I'd suggest a little reality check: You do not 'have to' call anybody. No matter how you want to call it or color it, you do not have to do anything to save yourself. You choose to call the other person. You just agree do it. For yourself.

And yourself is a beautiful thing!!

Nice, Dov!  Very true.

Thanks for the chizzuk, Regularbochur.

The reason I wrote that is because I have seen so many people (esp. myself) make so many commitments like that with the 'magic words': "You/I must not do x, y, or z...and if you/I ever do x, y, or z, then you/I have to pay, call, or do a, b, or maybe even c! (followed by a blood-curdling scream of horror)"

....they flop on their faces one time and actually do what they said they 'had to' do, maybe one more time...and then you never hear from them again. Or, they come up with some other bright idea that will solve their problem because it really hurts too much or whatever. Oh, boy. What commitment.

The truth is that since nobody is really ever going to 'make' them do anything at all but themselves, the fox is guarding the hen-house!! As Chaza"l put it for us, ein chavush matir es atzmo mibeis ha'asurim. Our own hearts and minds put ourselves into this mess, and they will certainly not be entrusted as our first line of defense to get us out of it. It works OK for normal people sometimes, but it is complete and utter nonsense for addicts, especially with respect to their addiction.

Lo zu haderech. How could it be? Have you ever seen a better example of a false sense of security than this? I call it the snake oil of recovery 

There are no gimmicks. Just slow, consistent work born of real desperation, and a shedding of shame by choosing to be honest and open with other people....especially the real (not virtual) kind of people. 

That's why I push for the recognition that while ultimately it is necessary to accept your own gedarim on yourself, it helps to admit the truth: that I will never 'have to' do it - I elect to commit to do it. But it in and of itself is no true safeguard, as some would have you believe.

.Dov - Ok, maybe I gave off the wrong impression from what I said. What you are saying is absolutely correct. There are no gimmicks, no tricks, and no shortcuts. Just hard work, along with a sincere commitment. Absolutely. However, at the same time, it can be an additional kick in the pants to put into place additional safeguards. An example of this would be, like I did, to give your email address to a rav and have him "check on you" however often you make up with him. This way, if despite your resolutions and commitments, you find yourself tempted by the YH, it may work as a deterrent if you know that your rav is gonna email you tomorrow morning and ask you how yesterday went...  Foolproof? Of course not. And yes, it doesn't replace real sincere dedication to your commitment, but with proper perspective, I think this can be very beneficial. 

Agreed. I have often book-ended trips that I was nervous about with calls to trusted program buddies. Knowing I will be speaking with my buddy and will have to stay completely honest with him, helps me remain honest with myself. But no matter how you slice it, it always and inevitably comes down to personal commitment and a touch of integrity. Just that smidgen of integrity is all I really need.

Nice schmoozing w/you!