i envy you

that's a beautiful story, thanks for sharing

RebJester, I can relate to so much of what you have shared.  I had stopped looking at porn because I made a neder not to, which I kept.  But I continued to ogle women endlessly, mentally unclothing them and plugging them into my fantasies.  Every pretty face captivated my attention and got me fantasizing.  I even told myself the lie that I was appreciating the beauty Hashem created and what could be wrong with that?

But I knew it was wrong because pleasant thoughts became obsessive thoughts, intrusive thoughts, sick thoughts.  And the more I looked at women, the less I appreciated permitted beauty, the beauty of nature, my wife and children.

This site helped me understand the critical role of shmiras eynayim -- at all times -- in breaking the lust cycle.  Yeah, it's flesh season out there.  And a part of me still misses "participating."  I take it one challenge at a time.  Usually just have to avert my gaze for a few seconds and it's over.  My reward? I appreciate the true beauty of spring, the flowers, buds and leaves.  The blue sky and the beautiful green carpet.

Poem moved to poetry thread.

Entertainment for Laag, when he gets here.  It's a bit old, but unfortunately relevant to our human condition in here.

Poem moved to the poetry forum.

man.
to enjoy this u probably have to be more espiritual, and u are as i red קראתי before, you understand to art and stuff.
but me? man i like a 300 gm stake! i just undestand to גשמיות man!
give me something to eat and ill tell u a opinion

laagvokeles wrote on 29 May 2011 18:07:


That's what you think...  But this poem is about 100% Gashmiyos.  It was probably unfair of me to show you the poetry room, since English is not your most comfortable language.




For me, it's not about the steak as much as the sauce.

Would you like to visit my kitchen, games room or library?  Or my garden?

where do houses have a garden....?  ;D

Presumably that is a joke, and you have a punch line.  Behind them?  In front of them?

So where do houses have a garden?

it looks like im wrong...

Thanks for the poetry Jester it inspired me. Or maybe not, or maybe yes. Just Kidding. You hav some real heavy talent there. I relate very much to your struggle with beauty. i personally am very sensitive to these things especially in the realm of music. Channeling our deep appreciation for beauty for good is obviously a part of why where on this planet. Or maybe not.

laagvokeles wrote on 29 May 2011 19:26:




Surely you are never wrong!

its so not commun i shoud be wrong, that the few times i happen to be wrong, its easy for me to agree im wrong.....

That's actually quite impressive.  Most people have a hard time of it.

But I can see that you are extremely honest when assessing yourself.  Too honest, actually.

i hope im not revealing my self here...  :o