Good move to give your wife the modem. Keep on!

Not only did i give her the modem, but I gave her a full confession, slowly lovingly and in measured amounts.

She now stands behind me/with me, as the most driven force working towards my recovery (hopefully I can get more driven than her). Baruch hashem she is very special, and is unique in her ability to deal with things just like this!

She will also be taking the modem with her, in addition to helping me 'plug the hole' that nativ left for me (thanks to Google).

i am willing to go as far as necessary, including phone conferences and even 12 step meetings if I will need them (at last counsel Dov told me it wasn't for me, but we'll see).

מי לה' אלי

Good luck.  You're making some pretty dramatic changes there.

--Eye.

Old friend wrote on 24 Jul 2011 17:45:


WOW your on the right path!! keep it up!

wow, old friend, you are rocking and rolling
keep it up

I originally changed my username to allow me to try a new start, without the stigma of my old username. yeh I had a great time as Shmiras... but i wasted too long not implementing the 12 steps. And althougg I simply waged a battle of yirasshamayim and avodas hashem, and it got me bvery far... I would have gained plenty from the SYSTEM.

I would have known that I am always liable to relapse, and not to 'take the first drink'. That there is a big gap to bridge between lust and love. And although i had complete control over my lust (חבל על דעבדין) however I could not LOVE.            As a result i needed to seek professional help immediately after my marriage, but instead I self-imposed a relapse.

But that never made me love, it just unleashed my lust, and brought me under the fold of my old obsessions. it took a half year, and tons of heartache to discover that I am just an SA waiting to pounce on the first hole in my filter.

Today I remove my mask and surrender my MODEM to my wife, I cannot control myself, I am in the hands of my yetzer Hara.

i closed the hole in my filter, and i am ACTIVELY seeking a SA group either locally or on a regular basis through GYE.

פתחו לי פתח כחודן של מחט...  but it has to go through all the way.

The gra is famous for tipping us off. The scariest part of דין וחשבון, is not the דין. Since I know i did mitzvot, and elast many words of torah, each one worth more than any mitzvah I can do. ok some averiso, but they are already lining up to pull me out of gehenom by my peyos beard and bris.    thE scariest part, that my body will tremor with fear and quake in absolute terror, is when they show me WHO AND WHAT I WAS MEANT TO BE.    WHAT I WAS MEANT TO ACCOMPLISH! 

THAT is called חשבון, making a חשבון of what could have been, what I deprived the world of, who I destroyed.        And the pain of that is so great to bear that it would kill us (postmortem death!!) if hashem didn't give us the  koach to be soveil it.  he keeps us 'alive' to suffer this.


No I will not settle for less, I will march head first into the 12 step, suffer my disgrace here, and not ח"ו  there.

Beautiful!
I am soo happy to hear of your new start! I'm mamish getting choked up.  What a perfect time for a real change!  The system works and it will work for you.
Hatzlacha.
Alex

כל רודפיה השגוה בין המיצרים...

I first found GYE during the 9 days //www.guardureyes.com/GUE/OurStories/Determined4.asp

Now I save the wait, parshas משאי shows us we need to grow מחיל אל חיל. step by step, and then we can be greater than מלאכים. ונתתי אותך ביו העומדים האלו" since they stand still and never have falls. however we who fall and grow ממשא למשא, step after step, can reach greater heights.        (בשם המגן דוד מטולנא) Picked 'a random' sefer off the shelf waiting for maariv in the steebs (they don't start on time nowadays)

ShemiratEinayim an Old friend wrote on 25 Jul 2011 17:31:


If we would all start using our REAL names, now that would really be something.

--Eye.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 26 Jul 2011 05:54:


OK, I will be the first:

Eli

(and not al sheim R' Elazar ben Durdayah)

Your turn eye...

Dov beat you to it, and so did RAGE, and Dov in Israel.... the list goes on

Why only 1st names?    :-\

We are still hiding.      :-X


Why not full disclosure??    :o


..... for every one of the GYE members & anyone else in the world who has an internet connection!      :-[




      :'(

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 27 Jul 2011 15:20:


Because we don't want to be stupid here.

old friend
12 steps
way to go
kutgw

Went to my first meeting...
          "Hello, my name is SE/OF and I am a sexaholic, pornaholic, lustaholic, and I think that's all, ok now what do I say?  Oh my story.... once upon a time... the end."  at which they said "welcome ____, yeh you belong here"



One of my problems is the computer not the internet (that's just a fun outlet), but the computer itself is my iottle safety blanket. Every time i come to GYE I feed my craving, for that sooth and relieving poison!  Sorry people, but I need the offline GYE.      For now i'm not perfect, but you will be hearing less and less of me, as i slowly recover.

And the ultimate sobriety, is not to touch the dreaded machine!!!   
Love you all, hi yosef, and thanks everyone for keeping to follow my progress (even a fall if progress, 'a downward progression').

Gshabbos 
      KUTGW
            KOT