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TOPIC: I thought I can do this alone. 82995 Views

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 23 May 2016 19:38 #288679

gyeuser444
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gyeuser444 wrote on 23 May, 2016:

Unless you're a tzadik, it's completely normal for an inappropriate thought to jump into your head:
לקוטי אמרים תניא פרק כז

אין הכתוב מדבר בצדיקי' לקראם זונים ח"ו אלא בבינונים כיוצא בו שנופלים לו הרהורי ניאוף במחשבתו בין בהיתר כו' וכשמסיח דעתו מקיים לאו זה ואמרו רז"ל ישב ולא עבר עבירה נותנים לו שכר כאלו עשה מצוה ועל כן צריך לשמוח בקיום הלאו כמו בקיום מצות עשה ממש ואדרבה העצבות היא מגסות הרוח שאינו מכיר מקומו ועל כן ירע לבבו על שאינו במדרגת צדיק שלצדיקים בודאי אין נופלים להם הרהורי שטות כאלו כי אילו היה מכיר מקומו שהוא רחוק מאד ממדרגת צדיק והלואי היה בינוני ולא רשע כל ימיו אפי' שעה אחת הרי זאת היא מדת הבינונים ועבודתם לכבוש היצר וההרהור העולה מהלב למוח ולהסיח דעתו לגמרי ממנו ולדחותו בשתי ידים כנ"ל ובכל דחיה ודחיה שמדחהו ממחשבתו אתכפיא ס"א לתתא ובאתערותא דלתתא אתערותא דלעילא

There should be no guilt/atzvus from the person's perceived imperfection. If there is it is quite possibly from גסות הרוח. (See Chapters 26-31 where most any other type of feeling bad (worry of punishment/guilt from previous sins, etc.) is completely discouraged.)
I would add, that having guilt this time from realizing that one had that very guilt/atzvus during previous similar times -which perhaps came from גסות הרוח, is also from גסות הרוח (or else is completely discouraged from elsewhere in Chapters 26-31).

A quote from פרק לא

ולכן כתב הארי ז"ל שאפי' דאגת העונות אינה ראויה כ"א בשעת הוידוי ולא בשעת התפלה ות"ת שצ"ל בשמחה שמצד הקדושה דווקא

See Chapters 26-31 at length.

A person may not be immediately aware at first that he is מהרהר
לקוטי אמרים תניא פרק יב

הרהור רע הזה הנופל מאליו מהלב למוח...מסיח דעתו מיד שנזכר שהוא רע...

The above shows that there is a difference between the initial falling in and the subsequent cogitating/fantasizing.
There is also a difference between cogitating over the initial thought/s and fantasizing, though both are אסור. The difference between cogitating and fantasizing is similar to the difference between הסתכלות בנשים and fantasizing which clearly uses more mental effort. Cogitating also uses extra energy, more than הסתכלות, but less than fantasizing.

The point about weak דעת is what in my opinion allows for the fantasizing.

See at length שערי תשובה לאדמו"ר האמצעי ד,ד:

לדבק נפשו ברע בעין רואה ולב חומד כו' ולכך נק' זונה ל' נוק' שנעשה בחי' נוק' להעלות מ"נ לקליפה

כתר שם טוב קנ"ב א:

סוד נשים דעתן קלה, שהרשעים הם בחינת נוקבא דעתן קלה עליהם

markz wrote on 23 May, 2016:
Women are evil ?

There is נוקבא דקליפה and likewise there is דכורא דקליפה.

Last Edit: 23 May 2016 19:46 by gyeuser444.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 25 May 2016 04:02 #288851

realsimcha Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 425 Karma: 22	Day 16: Long busy day. Not much time to think about sobriety. Then again not much time to think about acting out either. Being busy and focusing on the jobs in front of me really made me feel good. But - I think - only because I wasn't doing it in order to feel good.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 26 May 2016 00:28 #288912

otr-otr
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realsimcha wrote on 15 May 2016 17:00:

Day 7: I've seen talk here and there about defining exactly where a slip ends and a fall starts. Just reminding myself -- [cause of something that came up when searching the news] -- that if I am asking myself that question then something is going on that shouldn't be. All answers aside -- is it a slip? Is it a fall? etc. etc. -- [and thankfully neither for today] -- this is my biggest red flag that my mindset is off: That I am wondering if "this" constituted a fall or a slip. The question is an answer to me: Stop what you are doing!

Well put. There's a lot of things I do when in warning mode. That's what I'm finding is good about the 90 day chart. When you put in a fall out ask you for some reasons, what you plan to do to change. This is great because looking back art out a few times I see often it's the same thing just a little different form.

I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 26 May 2016 00:32 #288913

otr-otr
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realsimcha wrote on 08 May 2016 22:04:

Day 90: 90 Days, as many of you warned me, is the king of anticlimactic. I'm here. Its nice. But with a few keystrokes ---- so easy!! ---- it could be all over. I have been reading the advice from all of you. I have been thinking about it. I think I have come up with a novel approach. I am starting over. I wont change my official gye count because I am proud of it and I think its important. But here in this thread I am going to call tomorrow DAY 1. I am going to consider the next 90 days to be a new count, trying to bring my sobriety to a new level. This way I wont be focusing on the false moshiach of 90 days. I will try to live for this round of 90 days with less lust, less slips, less resentments and less anger. I will work on living with more faith, more family, and more responsibility. So today is DAY 90. Tomorrow, Day 1.
I'd love to get some feedback....

Geonus!

I've never been one for signatures.. but sometimes people change
I'm seeking the life that I find manageable which may not be the life you find manageable. But let's make a deal. I want you to find yours and you want me to find mine even if they are different.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 26 May 2016 18:13 #288952

realsimcha
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Day 18: I just wrote a whole long post and my computer decided to impulsively restart. I wont rewrite. I will be mekatzer Cords style:
missed day 17 on posting
red flag
hard hard day
still somewhat sober
need to include rated r and up in my definition of sobriety
spoke it out a bit with Cords
grateful to be in a better place
hope hashem has pulled me back from the edge
as was mentioned: Gotta stop focusing on outcomes and focus on putting one foot in front of the other.
thanks

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 27 May 2016 04:20 #288995

shmirashachaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 436 Karma: 19	keep it up RS.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 29 May 2016 03:34 #289099

realsimcha Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 425 Karma: 22	Day 20: It was a good Shabbos. Motzei Shabbos still bringing some anxiety but less than in the past. Mind blank. Will call it a night.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 29 May 2016 03:58 #289111

inastruggle Current streak: 25 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder the picture is shimshon hagibor. not st. mary.... Posts: 1263 Karma: 35	Good night!

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 30 May 2016 04:06 #289235

shmirashachaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 436 Karma: 19	Reminder to post.. Unless you are done with your streak.. Still amazed you made it this far with just missing one day! You are patur whenever you want!

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 30 May 2016 05:05 #289241

realsimcha Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 425 Karma: 22	Day 21: Thanks Shmira. No, not finished. Its worked for me so I am not giving up. But it is really late so I will post short. Busy day, and sober.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 31 May 2016 03:29 #289298

realsimcha Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 425 Karma: 22	Day 22: Doing really well. Feeling very quiet lately. Nothing mysterious. I know why and its not a bad thing. But want to keep updating. Still trucking!

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 31 May 2016 03:59 #289303

shmirashachaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 436 Karma: 19	B'H. Good to hear

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 31 May 2016 15:02 #289328

realsimcha
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Day 23: Putting one foot in front of the other. Doing well. My ego is giving some issues. Instead of being joyous about all the good Hashem has given me, I am finding myself wrapped up in myself worrying about the fact that this guy didn't tell me about that issue and that guy didn't include me in the other issue. All ridiculous. Our job is - as someone in SA told me - "to do the next right thing". Everything else is in His hands. My ego needs to deflate a bit.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 31 May 2016 15:03 #289329

realsimcha Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 425 Karma: 22	I think I will go and do some G's. That would be helpful now.

Re: I thought I can do this alone. 31 May 2016 16:26 #289339

shmirashachaim OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 436 Karma: 19	Always was a problem with me. I have came up with a equation. Doesn't sound like rocket science but it was for me: I'm at point A. I want to get to point C. I focus on doing B to get there however that would be. I focus on nothing else and do little else.