[quote="inastruggle" post=286637 date=1462378279]I've ben offline for the [ast few days. Just chiming in to say great job so far. 

Very tachlis-dig conversation.[/quote]
means alot to me. Thanks.

Day 86: Looong day. BH 7th day without tv or movies. I am grateful that the chevra encouraged this because I am already feeling the difference of having been off it for a week. I dont think its going to be easy at all but its going to be worth it. Spent some time today with a friend remembering the struggles that I had before I knew anything about this problem. Without understanding, it was so painful. Just this koach pulling so hard and not understanding why my "yetzer hara" is so much more overpowering than "anyone else's". Or why am I weaker? Learning that there is something called addiction [i do not mean from a clinical perspective - I am not diagnosing.] and that there is a mehalech changed my world. Thanks to all my teachers along the way. Double thanks to all my fellow sufferers. 

Before I found gye I used to go back and forth between assuming everyone did it and just me. I still wonder how many people have a problem with it. What I have found out is that I'm certainly not alone and that my yetzer isn't worse than everyone else's.

Day 87: I noticed something about myself that I wish I could change [what else is new...]. Whenever I am in a public setting, from wedding to funeral, I feel self conscious of how I look the to the crowds around me. I am just not comfortable. I dont think you can tell if you would see me, but inside, instead of being relaxed and warm, I am fidgety and feeling like I dont really know how to act. I wonder if this is one of the reasons that nights that I am out - weddings, dinners, etc - are huge triggers for me. for me, its not because of the people I see at these events, but because I feel the need to jump into another world where I dont have to fit in... making any sense?

Btw. Day 8 for my tv count.  

inastruggle wrote on 05 May 2016 05:59:

First mazel tov for your thousands post, keep it up.
it might be that your yetzer hara isn't worse than everyone else's,
but your sobriety could still be better than anyone else's !!!  

@doingteshuva Thank you.  Well said.

@realsimacha I know what you mean I also routinely feel like the odd man out even when I'm in middle of the matziv. I once told this to another gye guy and he said the same thing. It is getting a bit better for though since I started to work on my self confidence.

It's definitely plausible that the stress of the event is a cause for falling. Having all the women dressed up doesn't help either.

realsimcha wrote on 05 May 2016 12:24:

Makes more than perfect sense to me. And Ditto on ina's post.

This may be overdue by now, but I really appreciated when you shared that you cancelled your subscriptions for TV watching.  It made and makes a great impression on me
 

Day 88: Finding myself having a much easier time staying calm when craziness hits. I didnt expect that. A few times major annoyances happened to me. Parnassah issues, car issues, kids issues. you know how it goes. For some reason I am keeping my cool. I can only gratefully attribute it to the blessing of sobriety. Thank Hashem! 

I am starting to feel scared about hitting 90 days. Its been a while since I have been there and I have only been there once. I really dont want anything to change. I want to keep posting every day and keep being blessed with the strength to stay clean. I would gladly listen to any advice from those of you who have been there. Yesod? Ina? Cords? Markz? Gevura? The rest of the chevra who silently watches the forum?

btw, Day 9 of no TV. Grateful for the chizuk I receive here.

Just don't change what you're doing. Now that you already hit 90 you realize there's nothing special about it. Maybe stop counting, and just post every day without it.

inastruggle wrote on 06 May 2016 21:37:

Why stop counting? I am terrified to stop. I fear that it will make it easier to slip a little then a little more...

I just figured if the count is going to hurt you then you may want to stop. If you post every day then it may keep you from slipping.

I was just putting out the idea.

I would like you to keep counting, you're an inspiration to us. 

Whatever works,
for many, even the count gets old. 

But i try to squeeze everything for what is worth,  and usually some other form of chizuk or another surfaces.

Either way,  keep up the great work. 
Good shabbas

Day 89: For the first time on this day of 90-1 I am feeling a little jittery around my computer. Need to get to sleep ASAP. Maybe its because of the late hour. Maybe I have been too preachy and taking this for granted. Hashem: Please Please give me the strength and serenity to stay sober.

I was thinking... If you like it, and it helps, then why not keep counting and posting. For as long as it helps.  It's not a mitzvah, and you don't have to worry about zmanim and stuff.  But maybe keep doing what works and helps for as long as you feel that it is still doing something for you.  And when you feel differently, then.... Well then you're on your own.  I haven't tested this myself, but maybe I have Yesod's endorsement