DAY 6 is underway. Its been a long day. Somehow I always feel that when things aren't going well I have a valid "excuse" to ...

Thrying to listen to Dovii.i. and stay clean for the next three seconds. 1, 2, 3. There. That went well Let me try that again...1...

Well its DAY 7 for me.

Not sure who's "listening" but I'm gonna just keep posting.

Long long long day... getting nervous about Purim. I find myself running away when things get too intense. The night after or the day after can be real killers for me and I am already starting to feel the stress.

I used to bury myself in TV. Episode after episode after apisode. There was certainly alot of pritzus on TV but if the shows were exciting enough I could be distracted. But then i was also distracted from life. Spaced out, zoned out. I made a decision that this time I was going to consider "clean" to mean no TV AT ALL. I basically removed the one thing [besides the real garbage] that I was using to disract myself from the anxiety. I am scared that I wont be able to hold out. Hashem!!! Please give me the strength to do what You want me to do. To be who you want me to be.

Hi

Just to say that im also on 7 days and have made some observations:

1) I am so grateful to have got to 7 days and I feel great! Its so important to celebrate what we have achieved, even though 7 days is so small compared to 90 but you need one day each day top get to 90, just like you need one daf for shas.

2) someone here posted a really good idea when you're in lust mode and nearing explosion, write a post of how upset and disappointed you are with yourself and how you wish it didint happen. This is a really good practical way to remind yourself of how bad you feel after the fact.

3) If it happens: I heard this story from one of my rebbeim, the Kotzker would chuck evryone out of his beis hamedrah before Mincha Friday night to do mikra & targum. one of his students wanted to know what was so special about this it had to be done alone, so he hid in one of the cupboards to see what was going on, the rebbe would go to the aron to open it and run away and say, oy vey, how can I open the aron, i'm not worthy to do so, ive done so many things wrong. but, now i'm going to chnage - from here and viter! ... NO! I said that last time! this would happen about 10 times before he would then declare, OK! Thats it! from here on, i'm not going to think about the past at all and from here on thats it! and then he opened the aron and took out the sefer.


Hatslocho
Jew

realsimcha wrote on 18 Mar 2011 03:40:


@realsimcha - some times when we hear something moving our response isn't verbal. Were all listening - even if were not saying anything. Keep it up and keep on posting!

Jew - thanx so much for your insights and kind words.

You got me. I don't think that I have been grateful enough about each day. I think that I spend too much time just trying to "push" time forward. ["ok today was 8 tom. will be 9 next week will be...] Instead I should be thanking Hashem for today. For the smiles on my kids faces that I wasn't too zoned out to notice. For the beautiful weather that I wasn't to depressed to enjoy. etc. etc.

Oh... and o (pun intended) thanks for being there... You guys are keeping me going.

So Jew and I are up to DAY 8 . Its erev shabbos...and the action is beginning--- shabbos then purim. Lets hope we can get rid of the Amalek that we on GYE have met in battle many times and that this time we can destroy any "zecher" of him from our hearts and from gantz klal yisroel!!

Good Shabbos!!

realsimcha wrote on 18 Mar 2011 17:19:


@realsimcha - allow me to iterate over something I said in another post: You got it wrong. Thank YOU for keeping ME going. Its the success of others that gives me the strength to continue

A FREILICHEN PURIM! May Hashem accept our tefillos and avodah!

just to reiterate o's comments where are all hear, even if we dont show up with posts. The chevra taught me that early on, they said look at the views not the posts. I thought the views were people who were just curious. But they taught me that its really concern, different people express it in different ways. But if it helps you to know that we are here... we are here. I know it helped me, so I will return the favor. We are all interested in helping each other out. All the best!
Freilichin Purim! 8)

That means alot to me... thanks...and sorry for doubting you guys!!

I just logged in my DAY 9.

Haman surrendered 10 sons in honor of Purim -- I surrender myself to Hashem this Purim in honor of my DAY 10 and for the benefit of MY sons!!

Wishing you all - "REAL SIMCHA"!!

Ah freilchin purim. A real simchadig purim knowing you're on the right track. Continued hatzlacha

A Freilichen Shushan Purim!!!

Day 10 is behind me and I have reached DAY 11. In the past Shushan Purim has not been great...but this year I have you -- keeping me strong and looking out for me. I am so grateful for that.

Question: Do you ever feel - when you reach the limits of what you have done in the past, "I have to fail. I mean I've never gotten this far. How long can it last?" And if you have felt this way, how did you respond to this voice?

Thanks to every single one of you for going through this struggle with me.

realsimcha wrote on 21 Mar 2011 15:11:


see my post above

Its funny, o, when you sent that I was at ythe beginning and wasn't connecting to that part of your post... I was too concerned with the other stuff about obssessing about days etc.

But you are right... I need to re-read that. Thanks.

realsimcha wrote on 21 Mar 2011 18:27:


Apparently me to, so thanks for bringing up the topic!

realsimcha wrote on 21 Mar 2011 15:11:

i must be brief, shchina ta-taa is waiting

in my own experience...., you may fall another 500 times, c'v, and i dont wish it to happen

but you are actually accumulating the necessary background tools simultaneously that soon when youv'e got those tools sharpened enuff, and you DO have another clean streak, it'll last like the enigizer bunny
i still had falls recently, but i knew %100 garanteed that i improved greatly
after falling the same way from the same things a few dozen times in the last few tekufos, i now start to see a change in how, when and where no details please
consider this, it is true and quite vital information
love,
tz