trying23 wrote on 01 Apr 2025 23:24:

Oh, I relate so strongly to this hesech haddas problem. For years I was sure I could shake the obsession by just keeping my mind off it, but I could never seem to get round to doing that, and when I did, it didn't want to forget about me. But I was still convinced that it was the right way forward (also reinforced by what I learnt [although I'm not lubavitch] in Kuntres uMayaan of the Rashab), I thought that any type of 'program' to help was only making things worse because it just keeps the focus on the problem. At the same time, I believed I had to delve deeper in understanding and thinking about Torah on this subject, whether it's machshovo or chasidus, that was the only thing that felt like it helped, it felt like I was above all the garbage. But in fact it was a cover up, I was living above my actions, somehow in denial of what I was actually doing. And it definitely wasn't helping get my mind off the problem, in fact my entire yiddishkeit revolved around this struggle. As a wise old man who used to frequent these parts told me, ' tryin' to do hesach hadaas isn't a plan'. 
Anyways, my journey led me to SA, and incredibly, although I go to two meetings a week, make a number of calls every day and am generally very involved in a program of recovery, I'm finally getting what this hesach haddas thing is all about. The obsession is simply no longer plaguing me! I have head space to explore other interests, things other than lust interest me and I can focus on living instead of constantly chasing. It's worked for me for the past 10 months, one day at a time. Why and how, I'll leave to you to figure out. Personally, it doesn't interest me anymore. I get to enjoy life.

Hey trying23. I just read through this thread, and I would like to suggest an idea I had been thinking about . I haven't ever been involved in any 12 step program, but one aspect that I envy from 12 step programs is the meetings where people are open and 100% honest.

Maybe you can arrange for a few guys to get together (say once a week/ month) and discuss their struggles, and methods from chassidus, beingopen andhonest. In short, a real farbrengen. I would love to join if such a program exists. 
By the way, I am in the tristate area, if that helps.
That's my 2 cents (which I'm not sure is worth much after they stop producing pennies).