my wife was today nida for the first time since our child was born, and because we had been so long not separated i crashed tonight in the guest room.  r'l i was pgam habris for the first time in a long while, just three days after y'k.  i feel miserable and sick to my stomach, i'm trying not to be depressed because i know that the yetzer wants me to be depressed.  i just can't believe that just like that i've spoiled another year's shot at purity.  how can i fix?  i have often said tikkun haklali in the past but i feel like i need something else in addition, i dont know

WELCOME!  Don't worry about this year.  Focus on today. Tomorrow, focus on today again.  We're here for you, brother!

Here's the welcome package!  Take some time to take it in.

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
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Hello brother Yishaidovid,
welcome to the front lines of the War on Lust. The previous post gives you links to all sorts of tools, use them wisely, and you will be menatzeach, IY"H.
I 'd like to reinforce your own point, though, that being depressed about it is surely tachabulois hayetzer. You didn't ruin anything, you didn't blow it at all. You lost one battle in a life long struggle. So? Get up and kick him right where it hurts most: start being more careful about shmiras aynaim, keep your mind occupied with things other than your wife (or any female for that matter), read thru the materials on this website.
We'd love to know you better. Post something about yourself, if you would: is this an ongoing problem, do you have accompaniing issues, like a lot of us here (looking where you shouldn't or whateva).
Piska tova, brother.

I spent 15 minutes on the net last light looking for women to massage me on an upcoming business trip.  I turned it off and thought, what the * am I doing???  What kind of loser sicko am I, would I really do that?  I wasn't going to Daven the Shema because I thought, I'm way to impure to entertain the Shema at this point.  Then I thought about the Slonimer Rebbe, ztl, quoting another Rebbe - "A Jew who can't pray after committing the worst sin in the world hasn't even entered the gate of his Jewishness".  In other words, learn some Torah and go pray, and it never happened.  Break the cycle of shame... Break past the SHaMe and into haSheM

Hope you are ok now.

yishai-

im no authority but if we had to be perfect a whole year to be considered successful, we'd be done in a matter of days or hours

  life is not a sprint, it is a marathon. BH you were able to be clean for a long time! You also recognized the need for an extra harchaka in that situation. Shkoyach! You'll be ok...

  Practical Advice: Get a book or a sefer for bed...

Sholom Aleichem R` Yishai Dovid!


In the Sefer Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (second to last siman ) there is a list of things which can help be mesaken the damage of this aveira.


Based on this one post, it doesn't sound as if you are an Addict. Therefore it was good that you posted your question in this thread, The Torah & Chizuk Approach.

Hi RebYishai -

The greatest of the great fall. Noone is immune. Know exactly how you feel. A feeling of emptiness, or self-pity and just wanting to take it back.

Start the process again.

Just do it!

ninety